Rooting in Snow

Blogging Break

2007-05-22T08:22:00.001-05:00

Howdy,

This blog is going on break for a few weeks. I have too much to do at work this week. We're moving on Friday. We're moving into our house next week. Too much going on.

When I return, this blog will be updated less frequently and primarily focus on Junior updates. Most of the previous posts will be taken down due to my new position as a public employee and my tendency to say things that are not so "politically correct".

Thanks for reading and best wishes to all of you.

Pappa

Alltel Buyout

2007-05-21T06:23:00.000-05:00

Looks like the Alltel deal has finally been consummated. Click me.

Since this deal was GOING to happen at some point, for whatever reason, this is the best case scenario for Alltel's employees. It is likely that Corp will remain in LR, at least that would be my opinion anyway.

Good for those of us with a pittance of Alltel stock as well. I won't complain about that.

Cleaning Up

2007-05-18T07:41:00.000-05:00

The ~~war zone~~ chaotic apartment got cleaned up last night. Now it's less of a ~~war zone~~ chaotic apartment and more of a ~~demilitarized zone~~ humble, yet sparse place to live for the next week.

I feel a lot better. There was too much crap strewn everywhere. I couldn't handle it. We're at a point now where the movers could come and, minus one box of kitchen stuff, load up and go. Really. I think we're finally there.

I'm typically a pretty optimistic person. When we began the packing process I told Mamma that we really didn't have that much stuff to pack b/c that's just how I view things. I always see big projects as really not that big of a deal.

Well, in one sense I was right. Compared to most folks, we really didn't have that much stuff to pack. However, that doesn't mean that there wasn't a lot to do. Mamma worked hard over the span of a month or so to get it all done. I would step in on the weekends and evenings to help, but she did the vast majority of it.

Mamma is going to paint a few rooms in the house while she's home this week. I talked to her last night and she's "on the ball" on this one. This was her first time to see the house since we saw it the first time and she said that she still really likes it and feels comfortable there. That's a good thing!!!

The yard evidently needs some work and there is a fire ant mound in the back yard. WATCH OUT BAILEY!!!! We'll get those things taken care of post haste.

Adios,

Pappa

Mamma and Junior Made it to AR

2007-05-17T09:05:00.000-05:00

Mamma and Junior made it home safe and sound. They were greeted at the airport by three very happy grandparents (no big surprise there, eh?).

Pappa (that would be me) ran 4 miles yesterday and then came home to the ~~war zone~~ apartment, fixed some chicken spaghetti, talked on the phone to Timbes for an hour or so, talked on the phone to Mamma for a while, did a little packing, then went to bed.

Oh, the glamourous life of a (temporary) bachelor. :-)

I'm losing my mind though. There was a clean shirt left out on the bed yesterday that I moved last night and now can't seem to find. Also, there was a travel size bottle of contact solution in the bathroom that now seems to have come up missing. I don't know what the hell I did with either of these.

Paging Mamma. Come in Mamma. Please report back home b/c I can't seem to pull my head out of my a$$ when you're gone.

Signed,

Lost in MI

Junior and Mamma Have Left the Building

2007-05-16T11:53:00.000-05:00

Junior and Mamma just got on a plane for AR. It's kind of hard to believe, but Junior just left MI FOR GOOD! WOW! Lucky guy. :-)

Anyone going to the airport to meet Mamma, be forewarned. She didn't get much sleep last night b/c we stayed up late packing and the cat had her own kitty carnival last night with the various items of interest around our ~~war zone~~ apartment. This means she may not be in the best of moods. Good luck with that.

I, on the other hand, get to "batch it" for the week. Spaghetti for dinner every night after I run and some friends and I are going out on Friday for a "send off" party. Should be interesting, as always.

Mamma is heading home to prep the house for our big move in. The movers are coming here a week from Friday and our stuff should arrive some time that next week.

WE'RE READY!!!

Adios,

Pappa

Thanks to Grandma and Grandpa V

2007-05-15T05:07:00.000-05:00

The entire post today is dedicated to a special thanks to Grandma and Grandpa V for cutting our yard Sunday.

Thanks guys!!!!

Well, I'm a Bad Son/Grandson

2007-05-14T07:44:00.000-05:00

I forgot to call my Mom/Grandmothers on Mother's Day!!!!! ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

Thankfully Mamma and I sent them all cards, I sent them an e-mail yesterday AM, and I put a post on here. However, after all of our Mother's Day activities up here, and with a late night packing, I forgot to call and wish all the Mothers a happy Mother's Day.

I apologized PROFUSELY to my mom this AM and am about to do the same to my Grandmothers.

I felt HORRIBLE when I realized my transgression this AM. Thankfully, I have an OUTSTANDING mom who was very understanding.

Love to all the moms out there. Know that you are very appreciated.

Best,

Pappa

Happy Mother's Day!!!

2007-05-13T07:29:00.000-05:00

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there. We all appreciate you!

Pappa

I'm Dreading Packing Up My Office

2007-05-11T07:24:00.000-05:00

Picture this, you're not the most organized person in the world and you just spent the last 5 years accumulating thousands upon thousands of pages of articles, manuscripts, handouts from meetings, etc...

Now, you have to move. You have to organize these thousands of pages, put them in boxes, and then transport them home so that the movers can do their moving thing.

This is a not so veiled reference to my current state of affairs in my office.

I was lucky enough this year to have an office to myself. My office mate for my first four years took a job (ahem...ON TIME...unlike some others we know who will go un-named) and left at the end of last summer. I began this year with a new office mate who, two weeks into the Fall semester, decided to quit the program. He was a new student majoring in Operations and, knowing some new students have some fear and trepidation about joining the program, I decided to ask him if he had any concerns that I could help him with.

He posed the following question to me, "So, does this whole Ph.D. thing require a lot of work?"

To begin, that's absolutely the worst question I've ever heard. If you're entering into this deal wondering about how much work you're going to have to do, that's a bad sign.

I tried to respond in a measured fashion and told him that some months are busier than others. The Spring semester is usually easier than the Fall. Etc....

He went to classes for the first two weeks. Didn't turn in an assignment on time for one of his classes. Expectedly, he got his a$$ chewed for doing so. He then went to the first class where he was assigned gobs of reading, and quit.

Anyway, long story short, I've had the office to myself for almost the entire year. This means I've had room to spread out and haven't had to stay organized so that someone else could share a small space with me. This means my job in the next two weeks is to try to get all my crap together in an organized fashion and move it.

Not going to be fun, I can promise you!!!

What makes it worse is that you never know what is OK to throw away and not to throw away. It's funny that you won't need a certain article or manuscript for YEARS and then one day you'll be doing something and say, "I wrote/read an article on that and think I have it somewhere." This begins the search process which usually results in finding said article. Case in point, you have to keep almost EVERYTHING. Geez.

Wish me luck!

Best,

Pappa

Good Words of Wisdom

2007-05-09T19:36:00.000-05:00

I was running tonight and came up with a couple of gems. First, I know I'm getting in better shape b/c I'm thinking of sayings during my last mile of a run as opposed to wondering how many of my limbs are going to fall off after I'm done.

Second, the first of these is mildly x-rated. If you're easily offended, stop reading now and save yourself from being pissed off. I don't personally care if you get pissed off, b/c I probably won't see you for a few weeks and you'll be over it by then, but those around you might appreciate if you would refrain from pissed off-edness.

OK, here we go. I'll provide a little context here. When training for a marathon, you want to be able to stay out on the road a LONG time. This ability is more important than the ability to move fast. Leading to:

Saying #1: Marathons and marathon training are a lot like sex. It's better to be long and slow than short and fast.

See, you want to move slow and stay out there a long time as opposed to moving fast and only lasting a few miles. OK...onward and upward.

Saying #2 doesn't need much set-up but pertains to the two most important things I learned in the Ph.D. program.

Saying #2: The two most important things I learned while earning my Ph.D. are 1) how to look intelligent even when I don't know what the hell someone is talking about and 2) how to teach myself what the hell they were talking about.

There. Now go forth and spread wisdom among the masses.

Best,

Pappa

Running Bleachers, Shake and Bake, and American Idol

2007-05-09T04:28:00.000-05:00

I decided to do something different from my normal training yesterday. So, I left work a little early, drove down to the track on campus, and ran some bleachers. Surprisingly I'm not sore today. I figured I would be given that you use some muscles running bleachers that you don't use as much just running.

Mamma and I had shake and bake chicken last night. I don't think I've ever had that stuff but it was finger lickin'. I was hungry and Mamma never eats all of her meal, so I figured I would just take 1/3 of her chicken breast (this could be part of the reason that Mamma is slim and trim and me...well..not so much).

That was a mistake. Mamma was none too pleased I had stolen her shake and bake. She got over it though.

We watched American Idol last night. I know. I know. I like the show, OK. It's kind of one of those things that you don't want to admit to many people but I guess I just did.

Anyway, Barry Gibb of Bee Gee's fame was the celebrity host last night. He looks like a monkey. You know how monkeys have a round snout? His upper lip is abnormally white and looks round. Plus, he talks with some kind of lisp. That coupled with an Australian accent (I think he's Australian..too lazy to look it up) and he was derned hard to understand.

Back to work.

Pappa

Weird Coincidence

2007-05-08T12:15:00.000-05:00

See, some days you tune into Rooting in Snow and get 2 posts for the price of one.

Mamma and I figured out a weird coincidence last night while going through some old files.

On our first date I got really industrious and rented a limo. For some unknown reason, I saved the receipt from this purchase.

It turns out that our first date was December 9th, 2000. Guess when Junior was born? That's right, he was born 6 years later to the day: December 9th, 2006.

How 'bout that for being coinkee-dinkee? What're the odds?

Packing and Other Assorted Happenings

2007-05-08T07:35:00.000-05:00

I think I'd rather dig ditches than to move. Don't get me wrong, this is the best case scenario when it comes to moving, but I hate the actual act of moving. You pack up all your belongings, which is a pain in the a$$. These belongings sit in boxes cluttering up your house for an un-Godly amount of time, turning your entire residence into a mine field.

Getting up to pee at night is like trying to sneak from East Berlin to West. You tipee toe through some parts. You scurry though others (probably because you just tripped and for some reason the natural reaction to tripping is to move faster).

The dog hates it too. She's a pleaser and tries to stay out of the way. The only problem is that due to all the boxes, there's only so many "alleys" she can go to and these alleys are narrow. Meaning, if she's someplace we're trying to get to, she has to run THROUGH us to get out of the way. This is mildly troublesome when you're carrying a 50 lb box.

The cat LOVES it. Hiding places galore. In boxes. Behind boxes. It's heaven for a cat.

Junior doesn't care. He just wants his twice daily dose of gruel. He had it in his hair this morning, by the way. I told him that was a God given gift.

Mamma is handling it well. She's the neat person around our house and normally doesn't react too well to chaos, but she's taking everything in stride.

We got some of our packed boxes moved into a corner last night and that helped substantially. The cat doesn't understand why we did this but she can stick it.

On another note, our yard in Conway is evidently growing. Before leaving Conway, when we closed on our house, I had thought about the yard but there's just so much going on that I hadn't gotten around to hiring someone to take care of it in our absence. Thankfully, Grandpa and Grandma V are going to take care of it for us. Evidently grass in AR grows before June. Who'da thunk it?

Things are going well up here. I got an article from my dissertation submitted to the top journal in my discipline last Friday. We'll see how that goes.

Speaking of my dissertation, I went to the binder last Friday to get several copies of that tome bound. Several of you might be getting a dissertation for Christmas b/c that crap aint cheap! When you get it, just say "thank you" because you can rest assured that it is more expensive than the cheese tray or sweater you would have gotten otherwise. :-)

I also finished the first draft of another aritcle yesterday and sent it to the co-authors. I have one more article to complete and a couple of ancillary things then my work up here is complete. There's more work, related to my work up here, to do when I move but that will get done as well.

Anyway, now you know the "rest of the story".

Best,

Pappa

Summer on College Campuses

2007-05-07T07:59:00.000-05:00

If there were no other reason to be a college professor, and there are MANY other reasons, summer time on college campuses is a great one.

Not that college campuses are stressful (relatively) during the school year. They're really not. They are "bustling" though, for lack of a better word. Sidewalks are generally pretty crowded. Students are ALWAYS on cell phones and not watching where they're going (speaking of...how did folks of my age and older ever make it without a cell phone constantly glued to our ear when we were in college? I got by just fine. Why do these kids have to ALWAYS talk on those infernal contraptions?). Hallways are fairly packed. Professors are normally seen around the office at least once a day. It's hard to find a parking place unless you show up before 9 AM, which is not a problem for my no sleep getting butt. Lines are formed at restaurants. It's hard to get a table outside when the weather is nice. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

The summertime, ohhhhhhhh sweet summertime, is vastly different. There's NO traffic. There're few students around. Professors are seen infrequently, if at all. You can get a table outside whenever you want. You don't have to wait to cross the street because there are almost no cars. Trees are in bloom. Girls don't wear clothes (really, girls wear next to NOTHING these days. I guess it's a style, but I'm not complaining). You can get a parking spot anytime. The list goes on and on.

Summertime on a college campus is reason enough for a career as a college professor and summertime at MSU starts today. No traffic on the way to work. The halls are quiet. Life is good.

Some folks spend their summer working. I almost always have, partially by necessity. The only exception to this was my first (or was it second?) summer up here. I took about 6 weeks off and did NOTHING but work out, sit around the house, run errands, do projects around the house, etc... Man, that was GREAT for about 4 weeks. The problem is that I ran out of projects. I wondered if that is what it's like to be retired. Do you retire, get everything done you had been putting off for years, and then realize that you've got the rest of your life to get a project done every now and then spending the rest of the time bored off your a$$?

I ran out of things to do? I was bored beyond words. So, I decided to go back to work, but there was a problem with that. I couldn't get motivated to go back! I was stuck in a spot where I had nothing to do at home but didn't want to go back to work. It wasn't so fun.

I finally went back to work but had a hard time getting readjusted. I finally did and life as we know it recommenced.

Anyway, summer is here. After a LONG winter in MI, summer is finally here! 3 cheers for summer and a career where you can actually enjoy it!!!!!!

Junior Met Jimmy Buffett Today....

2007-05-06T16:54:00.000-05:00

Well, not really, but he did sit quietly while his Mamma and Pappa ate at Jimmy Buffett's restaurant, "Cheeseburger in Paradise."

I got out this morning (after Mamma woke me up) and ran 6 miles. No worries there. Ran the whole thing and it felt good. I started off at a measured pace and finished up at the same measured pace. It is AWESOME when it feels that way: run a long distance and do it at a comfortable, conversational, easy pace.

I got home, showered, and then Junior, Mamma, and I drove to Cheeseburger in Paradise. Great music there. Not all Buffett. They throw in some "Dock of the Bay" and others of that ilk. Junior got to hear his first Buffett and some other good tunes. His Mamma and Pappa ordered some cheeseburgers. Decent burgers there. Some of the best I've had in Lansing, but that ain't saying much.

We then began our drive to Sams to pick up moving supplies. Mamma and Junior promptly conked out. I drove around for 45 minutes b/c I didn't want to wake them up. They finally woke up, we went to Sams (got the obligatory ICEE, of course), and came home.

Junior didn't utter a peep the whole time. He's a great kid.

I fell asleep when we got home.

I suppose we should so some packing now, but Junior's asleep. We all need to get on the same schedule.

Pappa

Junior Update

2007-05-04T12:01:00.000-05:00

Forgot to post yesterday. Sorry.

Here's a Junior update though.

I got home yesterday and sat with Mamma and Junior in the nursery. We had a big time.

Evidently, Junior find the word "peekaboo" HI-LARIOUS. I'd cover his eyes with my hand, remove my hand, and say "PEEKABOO". Hilarity ensued. Junior just found that whole thing funny as hell and it's hard not to laugh when a baby laughs. Therefore, Mamma and I laughed when he did.

However, what he found funny had nothing to do with the placement of my hand. He just really likes the word "peekaboo". I stopped putting my hand in front of his face and just said the word. Again, hilarity ensued.

So I said "peekaboo" over and over and over again and did it faster and faster and faster. This through Junior into a state of hysterical laughter. He leaned his head back with his mouth wide open and laughed for about a solid minute or more. I tell you, it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen! I laughed until I had tears rolling down my face.

Unfortunately, Junior shares his daddy's love (or lack thereof) for cameras b/c Mamma and I tried to film him laughing and - once again - he completely shuts off when the camera is turned on. Not that it would have really mattered. Mamma and I suck at filming. We reviewed the tape we did have and we didn't get his face in the picture anyway. Ugh.

Everyone have a great weekend!!!!!

Pappa

Speed Training

2007-05-02T04:51:00.000-05:00

I got out yesterday and worked on my speed a little. Did a mile in 8:15. Couldn't do more than one mile that fast but that's good enough for me. Finished the rest at about 11-12 minute miles. Back to plodding. Speed is for the birds....literally and figuratively.

I'm Back!!!!

2007-05-01T13:37:00.000-05:00

Forgot to post yesterday. Sorry!

Had a great week in AR last week. To begin, we closed on our house last Friday with no problems. I spent some time in the house Friday afternoon and Saturday and it looks great. The sellers were great people. I actually got to meet them. They planted a bunch of flowers around the house before they moved. Not that I really care about flowers, because I really don't, but it was very nice of them to do so and exemplifies the type of people they are (they didn't have to do it) and how much they cared for the house.

It is the closest thing to spotless that a 5 year old house can be. Sure, there are a couple of spots on the walls you could look at and say, "I might touch that up" but those are VERY minor and, truth be told, you could move into the house and not do anything to it and feel good about showing it off.

I was very pleased.

Got to spend a lot of time with friends while I was there. Between staying up late with my cousin and her new husband on Monday, staying up late with Chad and Paul on Tuesday, driving to Fayetteville on Wednesday to have lunch with an old professor of mine and then "commisserating" with another old professor and Steven, I was so dadgum tired driving home I had to stop in Alma and spend the night. I'm getting old, but that was $50 well spent.

I also got to eat some good food and see family. On Monday, Grandparents V and C, my aunt, cousin, and grandmother all ate BBQ at Whole Hog Cafe. Good stuff!! Friday night I got to see friends of my parents who helped raise me and ate at Buffalo Grill. I considered getting a cheeseburger but settled on a chicken sandwich. Gotta watch my weight for the marathon training, you know? I probably should have been a little more disciplined those nights I stayed up late as well, but you know how that goes.

Speaking of marathon training, I didn't run all week. This is not TOO much of a problem as it was a "rest" week (i.e. 3 miles a day for 4 days) but I ran 5 on Sunday when I got back and felt good. The schedule has now progressed into a couple of weeks where I run 5 days. Gotta do 3 today, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I need to work on my speed some as I have been averaging about 12-13 minute miles. Clay called me on Sunday and said he just completed 9 miles (HE'S AHEAD OF SCHEDULE...THE CHEATER!!!) and ran some of them at 8 - 8.5 minute miles. So, I'm going to spend these next few 3 mile days trying to run as fast as I can. Should be fun (sarcasm). I'm known for a few things, but speed is not one of them.

Anyway, no hiccups in the closing process. Got to see a lot of good friends. Have to get back to running. We're ready to move home. I am having a hard time getting motivated to work but have a lot to do. That's it in a nutshell.

Pappa

Blogging Break

2007-04-20T19:28:00.000-05:00

I said this in the last post but wanted to bring it up top.

This blog is on vacation until April 30th. I'm heading to AR to close on our house.

Ya'll take care.

Best,

Pappa

This Blog Has Been Pretty SERIOUS the Last Few Days!!!

2007-04-20T06:14:00.000-05:00

Let's move on to more jovial thoughts.

Here's a few stupid things that drive me crazy:

1. Waking up to my dog licking herself: Is there anything worse than waking up at 2 AM to a steady "slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp" noise only to look over and see your dog's nose buried so deep in her own butt that you wonder if she considered plumbing as a second career? Don't get me wrong. If I could....well, I won't go there.

2. Decorative pillows: Mamma has these damned decorative pillows she puts on our bed every day. There's only like, ohhhh I don't know, 500 of them. This is all fine, except that they're a pain in the rear to take off and they then get stored ON MY SIDE OF THE BED!!! Getting up to go to the bathroom at night is like walking through a minefield installed by a male florist. As Homer Simpson would say, "Stupid decoration."

3. Cat's meowing for food: I'll feed you when I'm good and GD ready, you stupid little hooker!

4. Asian drivers: DWA = Driving While Asian. This is part of the reason I don't use my name on this blog, so I can say stuff like this. I don't think it's the Americans of Asian heritage. I think it's the ones who were actually born over there somewhere. They drive like a 5 year old on his Hot Wheels trying to run over as many acorns in the driveway as humanly possible. THIS ISN'T "CONNECT THE DOTS" PEOPLE! THIS IS DRIVING! They're probably too busy solving a calculus equation or listening to a 'Hello Kitty' CD. That or taking pictures. Those folks are ALWAYS taking pictures.

5. Low tire pressure light on my Jeep: My jeep has a light saying my tire pressure is low. This thing came on as soon as the temperature got below 30 degrees up here. I understand the reason why temperature affects tire pressure. I also understand that a responsible driver would fill his tires up with air to save on gas. Well, I'm not a responsible driver. Get that stupid ass light and it's associated "PING" off my freaking dashboard! When that sucker stats flopping, I'll put some damned air in it!

Further, why would I fill it up in winter only so I have to let air out in the spring? This is circular. It's fine as long as the temperature is above 30.

6. Running out of propane when grilling: This is why you keep a spare tank but if you don't have one, and you run out, well....you're stupid, but it still sucks.

7. Dog hair - Bailey didn't shed when we first got her. She does now. I'm taking her back. Not really. When she shakes, she looks like the character Pigpen off the Peanuts comic strip. You know? The one with that cloud of dirt hanging over him. Except with Bailey, it's hair, not dirt. I think her days as a permanent inside dog are numbered.

8. The light/noise designed to circumvent natural selection on my Jeep: Otherwise known as the "seat belt not fastened" indicator. Thankfully, I figured out how to turn this thing off. Listen, sometimes I just drive from my apartment to the dumpster, I don't need you telling me I should fasten my seat belt during that 1/8th mile stretch. Worse, it's a constant "ping, ping, ping, ping". Holy moley puddin' pie, it makes me want to put my fist through the dashboard. The only thing about putting your fist through the dashboard is that...well...that would hurt and I really don't think I could do it anyway.

Listen, if you're not smart enough to figure out that fastening your seat belt (on trips longer than those to the apt complex dumpster) is potentially good for your health, I don't want you to breed anyway.

This blog is on hietus next week. I'll be in AR to close on our house. Check back a week from Monday. Hope everyone's doing well.

Pappa

My Thoughts on Moving Home

2007-04-19T08:42:00.000-05:00

Mamma and I had a discussion about 3-4 years ago about moving home sometime.

At that moment the discussion took place, moving home was only a dream. We ventured up here with no knowledge of where we would go at the conclusion of our journey. We came up here on blind faith that we were doing the right thing. Who really knows if you're doing the "right" thing or not when you make a big decision such as the one we made to move 1,000 miles away from home to a strange climate, filled with strange people, all in the name of furthering my career/dream.

The closest friends we had in MI were people we'd never really met. The closest person we had to a friend, my mentor for the first few years in the program, was someone who had gotten his Ph.D. under my previous mentor at UA. I had only met him one time, and that was on my campus visit to MSU.

I don't mean to imply that we're special. Lots of folks move far away from home for various reasons and don't know anyone when they get there, but it was an eye opening moment for me when I realized that the move to MI was real.

I realized the move to MI was real when I changed the license plate on my old Jeep. Even more poignant than this moment was when my mom, dad, and Mamma left after dropping me off here.

The four of us, and Misty the cat, drove up to MI in August of 2002 to get me moved in to the house we were to live in for our first couple of years here. The four of us stayed for a couple of days and then it was time for the three of them to go. Mom and Dad had to go b/c they had to return to work. Mamma and I weren't married yet and her dad was in poor health at the time so we both thought it was ABSOLUTELY the best thing for her to stay in AR.

We checked out of the hotel and walked out to the parking lot. At this time, mom, dad, and Mamma got into the car after a few hugs and drove out of the parking lot to get back on the interstate and head South. I watched their car leave the hotel parking lot and that memory will always stick in my mind. I felt pretty derned alone. My family and fiance had just left, leaving me with a cat that, at the time, I would just as soon punt through a plate glass window. I'll never forget that car leaving the parking lot.

I then went back into the hotel room to get my stuff and the damned cat had knocked over a box of wine glasses in the whole 5 minutes I was gone. Thanks, cat. Great way to start a new chapter in life.

Fast forward a couple of years to the aforementioned conversation between Mamma and I about hoping to return home sometime. I told Mamma during this conversation that I wondered if home could ever be as good as I remembered it being. We all know that sometimes things and places are romanticized in memories far beyond what they actually were in real life.

Ever since I came here, I've held a rather romanticized view of AR. I've read the AR Dem Gaz every day until the last few months when I stopped b/c of my disdain for Wally Hall...but that's been covered previously. I've followed every move of the Razorbacks RELIGIOUSLY. I've missed the warm weather, people, and friends. I've missed family and being a part of family dinners and functions.

Now that we're moving home, I know that things may not be as good as I remember them being in my mind. But that doesn't make me less excited. It just makes me realistic.

This whole post leads me to remember a quote by Morgan Freeman who played the character Red in "Shawshank Redemption." Red is riding the bus to Zihuatanejo, Mexico to meet his friend Andy Dufrese who had escaped from Shawshank after being falsely accused. On the bus, Red finally finds "hope" after stating earlier in the movie that "hope" was the bain of a prisoner's existence.

Hear Red's quote here: http://reelwavs.com/movies/shawshank_redemption/hlfreeman.wav

(You've got to copy and paste the link...doesn't work otherwise for some reason)

While this all may be rather melodramatic, I'm realistic. I know things will never be as good as I have built them up to be in my head. That said, I also find I'm so excited about moving home that I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think its the excitement only a man moving home can feel. A man beginning a new chapter in his life, whose conclusion is uncertain, rejoining family and friends and now with a family of his own. I hope family gatherings are filled with as much love and laughter as I remember them. I hope to see my friends and shake their hands after a long time gone. I hope summers are filled with as much water, fun, and laughter as I remember them. I hope I still get excited with the start of every Razorback football season and tear up when they play the national anthem. I hope I still care enough to cuss the Hogs when they don't meet my expectations. I hope the drive to Fayetteville still brings back memories. I hope Fall in the Ozarks is as beautiful as it ever was. I hope my son loves Arkansas as much as I do.

I'm realistic, but I hope.

Pics

2007-04-18T18:56:00.000-05:00

Sacrifices

2007-04-18T13:01:00.000-05:00

Ohhhhh the sacrifices we make!

Back when I worked for a trucking company in LR, one of our loads was filled with Sony TVs. As often occurs, this load got to its destination and had two more TVs on board than the receiver had ordered. This puts the trucking company and shipper in a bit of a pickle. What do you do with the extra cargo?!?!?

To be honest, I'm not sure of the legal outcomes of this even though I probably should be. Obviously, the shipper isn't going to want to pay the trucking company to haul those TVs BACK to where they came from only to have them shipped out AGAIN someplace else. Further, those TVs aren't technically the trucking company's property so they aren't fully responsible for what occurred.

In this case the problem was resolved fairly easily. The trucking company I worked for made a deal with the shipper that employees of said trucking company could buy the TVs for cost. Even better, these were 42" TVs...and Sonys to boot!

I snatched one of those up like an Etheopian crack addict snatches up a McDonalds Quarterpounder! It was $1,200 but WELL WORTH IT! I've had that TV ever since. It traveled back to Fayetteville and then moved up to MI with me.

In Fayetteville I had a crappy little, one bedroom apartment. I happened to really like this apartment though. It was a GREAT pad for a single guy. Short walk to all my classes. It actually bordered campus. This "complex", if you can call it that, was built in the 1970's I'd guess. It was on the third floor, but that really didn't matter to me b/c I didn't have enough money to go to the grocery store anyway. My grandmother kept me stocked with food and I drank a lot of water and....ummmm...beer. Yeah, I was like that guy in the commercial who gets to the cash register and doesn't have enough money for BOTH toilet paper AND beer, so he puts back the toilet paper. Got to have your priorities!

The other great thing about being on the third floor, and simultaneously being broke, is that I didn't hardly have to use the heat all winter. Now, lots of folks would have been REALLY cold in there but I had a little (and I mean LITTLE) space heater that kept one room tolerable and I could get covered up pretty well when I went to bed.

Also, this year in Fayetteville was the year that Mamma and I dated. I came back home to Little Rock EVERY WEEKEND (except FB game weekends). Lots of miles on the old Cherokee during those trips but I didn't drive it during the week so it all evened out.

All this to say: That was a great year! All this time, that Sony 42" TV was situated in my living room right in front of the only comfortable piece of furniture I had: My recliner. I didn't have a couch. I had a recliner. I had an office chair for my desk. I had 4 chairs situated around a table. Trust me, I spent HOURS in this recliner sitting in front of that TV and I LOVED that year. Broke as a joke and loving every minute of it.

When I decided to go to school in MI, I did so b/c the old rule is that you should get your terminal degree from someplace you never want to be again. Thus, MI. Plus it's a great school for my discipline, but that's too practical of a reason...right?

I wanted to come back to AR so I went to MI partly for this reason. Now, we're lucky enough to be coming back to AR! Here's the problem: The TV. It's big. I mean REALLY big and takes up a lot of space. Plus, I want a new, flat screen, HD TV. So, I've decided to save the money I would spend moving the TV, sell it, and use the money saved and earned for my new BIG HONKIN HOG DADDY FLAT SCREEN....errr...to pay for moving expenses, baby diapers, and formula. Yeah. That's it. Baby diapers and formula.

However, I've got to admit that selling the TV is a little difficult. It was the largest purchase I made after finishing college (outside of my Jeep) and I went through some good times with that TV as the only other thing in my apt/house that talked. Maybe I'm a big wus and am stupidly rather emotional over a physical good, but I'm a little depressed to have sold the TV.

But I sold it anyway. For $150 to a Ph.D. student up here who, conveniently, is moving on to Ohio for a job starting in the fall. One man's trash is another's treasure, I suppose.

Oh well. Let's raise a glass to the 42" Sony. Adios amigo!

Prayers for Families at Virginia Tech

2007-04-17T05:50:00.000-05:00

What a horrific event.

Thousands upon thousands of eighteen year olds take their first step into adulthood each year by venturing off to college. American society today, for those that go to college, allows young people the ability to transition from (what surely seems like to many) 24 hour supervision to a place where they are in control of their schedules without many of the pressures that characterize life in the "real world".

College is a time in most peoples' lives that they remember fondly. I know I do. Great friends. Great times. Great memories. For those of us lucky enough to have family financial support during college, you don't have to worry about a true job. You don't have to worry about paying the bills. All you have to worry about is getting to class on time, homework, and studying for that next test or quiz. While this seems stressful to many students, many claiming they don't have time to get it all done, in truth it is a care-free existence that most would return to at almost any point in their lives.

College life is characterized by few possessions. Theft occurs at colleges but you have so little of value that anything stolen is generally inconsequential. Certainly, other more serious crimes occur on college campuses nationwide. Sexual assaults, physical assaults (usually in the form of fights outside of the local night spot), etc... are unfortunately not uncommon.

However, if one were to go to college in a true college town as opposed to an urban university, you would likely feel very safe wandering the streets at any hour of the day or night no matter your condition. This is especially true for males. Even the police in small college towns often turn a blind eye toward indiscretions or help you get home if you're in need.

Sports weekends bring another air to college campuses, especially in the fall. Fans, long removed from their days on campus, return to support their team, reunite with friends long lost to the perils of time and adulthood, re-live forgotten memories, and celebrate the time they spent on campus. While sports in and of itself has become big business, we all like to pretend that those kids are putting everything on the line for school pride and the sticker on their helmet or the name emblazoned on the front of their jersey.

Another special time of year arrives in the fall on college campuses. New life is breathed into the air upon the arrival of a freshman class. Some of these kids are hungry for knowledge. Most are more likely hungry for freedom. Others are trying to get away from previous perceptions held by their peers and start anew. College affords all of them this ability.

The college environment has many faults. Universities are commonly perceived, and often rightly so, of celebrating diversity at the expense of other more pertinent qualities. When I speak of "diversity" in the previous sentence, I not only refer to race and gender but also diversity in thoughts and views. While distasteful to many, at times including myself, this diversity in thought allows one to explore the furthest reaches in society with little fear of long-term repercussions. Again, this is not always a good thing. Society generally is what it is for a reason. However, the point is that college students are "safe" to explore themselves and their world without fear of someone trying to ruin them or their families for these actions. In fact, colleges are built around "safety". Even professors are awarded carte blanche to express themselves when they attain tenured status. That's the whole point of tenure: to be able to explore unpopular or controversial views or research, stretching the boundaries of currently held "truth", without fear that these actions will negatively impact their ability to make a living. Again, many of these views and much of this research is viewed as distasteful - I even perceive much of it as distasteful - but many past "distasteful" notions are now understood to be fact. After all, to say the Sun was the center of the galaxy was, at one time, heresy.

No, university students and professors are - for the most part - safe, and there is a reason for this safety. Professors are safe to stretch the boundaries of knowledge and students' minds. Students are safe to explore themselves and discover the kind of man/woman they want to be once their college years inevitably draw to a close.

"Safe" is the operative word in the above paragraph.

Safety is what was robbed of the students at Virginia Tech yesterday. Their college years are forever tarnished by the memory of some deviant and his actions. The innocence of college, the innocence of the transition from childhood to adulthood, the innocence of starting over in life, the innocence of mentors assisting you, the innocence of friendships, the innocence of Fall, is forever tarnished.

Certainly, the surviving students will return to Blacksburg, a town nestled in the Virginia hills close to West Virginia, and rekindle old friendships and memories after they graduate. However, these memories will forever be made more poignant by the events of April 16th, 2007. Those innocent memories will never be the same.

Many families will never be the same. Sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, grandsons, granddaughters, future moms, and future dads were lost yesterday. Bright minds were extinguished before they had the chance to fully contribute to society.

Part of the reason I chose my career is the safety and innocence with which I remember college. Unfortunately, days like yesterday remind us that there is evil in the world and no bastion of safety and innocence is immune. It is easy to go about our daily lives, far removed from Blacksburg, and only think of the horror that occurred yesterday as a sad event primarily affecting someone else. We all have to do this to cope and remain productive members of society. We cannot go through OUR lives in a perpetual state of worry and remorse over past events. However, I would call upon everyone today to take a moment, sit in silence, and pray for the Virginia Tech families and community. Pray for comfort. Pray for mental peace. Pray that they will be safe in every meaning of the word.

Guess What Days Got the Most Hits on this Blog

2007-04-16T06:53:00.000-05:00

You probably don't have to think too hard to figure it out.

That's right: The days where I post pics of Junior. I laughed when I figured that out.

I told Mamma I was going to shut down this blog when we moved home but I think we'll probably keep it up just to post pics and keep everyone up to date on him. I won't post every day, and probably won't add any of my own commentary at all, but we'll probably keep it going just for the little guy. He's in high demand! :-)

Best,

Pappa

Ran 5 Miles Today

2007-04-15T13:35:00.000-05:00

Ran 5 for the first time today since last summer. I felt decent until about 2 miles into it then I caught my second wind and breezed through (no pun intended) the last 3. The last step of the run actually felt better than the first. Wasn't even breathing hard when I stopped. I was AMAZED!

Probably only walked about 1/2 mile in a couple of short stints. Never felt like I was pushing it through the whole five. Only walked so I didn't push it.

I've finally gotten to where I can cruise along at a good clip and not have to concentrate on it. Really a great experience today!

Pappa

More Pics

2007-04-13T19:09:00.000-05:00

Forgot to Post Yesterday

2007-04-13T14:21:00.000-05:00

Sorry 'bout that. It's been hectic at work.

My goal this semester was to get enough publications done that I could be derned close to the tenure requirements at my future institution. I've gotten a CRAPLOAD done this semester! From a publication standpoint, I have:

1) Written a book chapter that will be published soon

2) Supervised a MBA student that wrote a manuscript that will be published soon (with my name on it)

3) Written an article to be submitted to a journal that is either tied for #1 or the #2 journal in my field, depending on your perspective

4) Written an article from my dissertation that will be submitted to the #1 journal in my field

5) Worked on a publication from my dissertation that will be submitted to one of the top journals in the business discipline

6) Worked on a publication with my old mentor up here (he moved to FL...that doofus!) which will be submitted to the #1 journal in my field

7) Been to DC to do a poster presentation

8) Speaking at a conference next week (held locally) and doing a poster presentation there

9) Was asked to join a project and have been working on collecting data.

Not to mention the previous projects I was on, having a new baby, buying a house, keeping the wifey happy - which is not hard b/c she's awesome - training for a marathon, and on and on and on.

More exciting news on the professional front: I have been working with my dissertation chair, who is also the primary researcher on the Homeland Security project I've been involved with for 3 years, on figuring out a part of the project I can take with me to my future institution. The current project is up for renewal, we've been asked to renew (meaning it will probably get renewed), and I would get a little funding to take with me and have my own "baby" (so to speak).

This would be exciting not just for me but for my future institution. It would be a big feather in their cap to be involved in this project. Not to mention it would make me look good to them as well.

Anyway, I have three more manuscripts to write in the next 1.5 mos. It's going to be a challenge but can be done. I've written one a week each of the past two weeks.

Here is where my abnormal sleeping habits come in handy (reference previous post about how I only sleep 5-6 hours every night and get to work before 7 AM every day).

I need 8 "intellectual contributions" (i.e. they don't have to be all journal hits) to get tenure. I've almost met my mark this semester and that will make life MUCH easier in the future. I'll still have to wait 6 years, still have to keep publishing, still have to teach well, still have to not make anybody mad at me, and still have to clear all the other political and non-political hurdles, but at least I'll know that I've got enough pubs to get tenure when that time comes.

Tenure is never guaranteed but publications also never hurt.

Speaking of my future institution, which means "speaking of home". I don't know if it is truly possible to explain how excited we are about returning. Just the thought of it made the past two cold, snowy, miserable weatther filled weeks up here bearable. The problem is that now we have to start packing. The problem with this problem is that we don't have the long blocks of time necessary to do so. Therefore, we have to just do a little bit every night after Junior hits the rack. I'm headed to Sam's this afternoon to buy all necessary materials. Fun fun.

The best part about going to Sam's is that they have Icee's there. I love me some Coke Icee's. You know what Icee's are...those frozen coke things. Good stuff!

I've got more pics of Junior to put on here. I meant to do that last night but Mamma and I had "date night" (i.e. take out food on the couch). I'll do my best to get them up soon. Sorry for the delay and thanks for your understanding.

OK, I missed posting yesteday but you got a big one today. Hope that makes up for it.

Take care,

Pappa

Easter Pics

2007-04-11T19:42:00.000-05:00

Junior Update

2007-04-11T12:57:00.000-05:00

Junior went to the doctor today for his regular checkup. First of all, he's perfectly healthy. That's obviously the most important thing.

Second, Junior is a BIG OLE BOY!

He's not fat. Lean kid...but....

He weighs 17 lbs, 3 ounces...is 26 inches long...and has a 43.6 inche head. 90th percentile on all those metrics!

He was 75th percentile on each at his last visit two months ago.

Around his last visit, Mamma had on some talk show one day and the topic of the show was fat babies. This mom was on there saying that her baby was 6 months old and weighed 20 lbs and he was FAT!

I thought at the time that 20 lbs didn't sound too far fetched! It isn't, but our baby ain't fat.

He also got shots today. That evidently wasn't too fun...not surprisingly.

Anyway, everybody's doing great.

Adios,

Pappa

Spring Water

2007-04-10T14:38:00.000-05:00

I was thinking today (yes...sometimes I think), why do people drink spring water?

I personally can't stand that crap. Now, don't get me wrong, I have no problem with that bottled water that actually comes from a tap...as most of it does. For example, Dasani is a Coke product. Coke is based in Atlanta. You may or may not have known this, but Dasani is just Atlanta tap water.

That's right. If you pay $1 for a few ounces of Dasani you're just getting tap water.

The stuff I can't stand is the spring water stuff. You know, the stuff that tastes like heavy water from a nuclear reactor. I say that b/c it's GOT TO weigh more than tap water. It just has to. That stuff tastes heavy as heck.

I REALLY can't stand Perrier. Carbonated water? Really? Don't they mix that stuff with syrup to make coke? Isn't there a reason it's normally mixed with something else? Oh yeah. There is. Because it tastes like crap by itself!

(could I use the word "stuff" more in this stuff?)

When you go to one of those high falutin fancy restaurants, they always ask you if you want bottled or tap water. I always say tap. If you don't, you get heavy water. My food is normally heavy enough. Primarily b/c I usually order way too much of it. Why would I want my water to be heavy too?

There's your random thought for the day.

Easter and the Hogs

2007-04-09T06:49:00.000-05:00

We took Junior to his first church service yesterday and he did GREAT. I say he did "GREAT" because he slept through the whole thing. That's about all you can ask!

I enjoy going to church and normally, if the preacher is half-way decent, get something out of it. However, don't you all wish that you could get praised for sleeping through church like Junior does. If you did, your wife might say something like, "Well, Pappa slept through church again this week. I'M SO PROUD OF HIM!!!"

We've got some Junior pictures to share and I'll get those on here ASAP.

The Hogs hired John Pelphrey. Long drawn out story. At any rate, this guy has a good BB pedigree and likes to play up-tempo ball. Might as well get on the bandwagon b/c we got turned down by every big name we went after. I'm more excited about this guy than Altman.

We need to hire a good AD and get John White's hands out of athletics. That will go a LONG way toward making any of our next hires good ones.

John White has a reputation of being less than honest, having a lack of knowledge regarding athletics, and to boot....a meddler in athletics. I'm not a fan of his.

Everyone Call Mamma

2007-04-05T12:51:00.000-05:00

Everyone who reads this, call Mamma and ask her about athletes foot. Trust me. Just do it.

I Saw Snow Today and Marathon Training

2007-04-04T14:51:00.000-05:00

and I was NONE too pleased. Snow in April? Really? Damned Michigan.

High on Easter Day: 40 degrees.

That's right: 40 degrees...and that ain't Celcius either. That would be Farenheit. 40 freakin' degrees FARENHEIT!

I'd cry but my tears would freeze.

Ran 4 miles without walking Sunday for the first time since last summer. It felt good. I thought I was really making progress...and I am! However, after running 3 miles (without walking) yesterday, I realized why the 4 miler was relatively easy.

You see, the 3 mile track I've been training on is VERY hilly. I mean up, down, up, down, up, down, ad nausem. The 4 mile track has a couple of hills but it has 2 miles of flat.

So, I get going on the 3 miler yesterday and I noticed from my first running step that my old body don't feel so swooft. Even the first step was an effort. That's when you know it's going to be a painful run. It was. I ran that hilly, 3 mile course without walking but it got to the point where, at the end, I was literally using foul language directed toward the hills/road.

"I'm not going to let you beat me you f'n hill."

"I'm 'bout to whoop your a$$ you damned road."

These things sound insane when taken at face value. However, in context, they seemed to make perfect sense at the time. EVERY DADGUM STEP WAS AN EFFORT but I kept on keeping on. I suppose that's something. Not much, but something.

Now, to relate the first and last parts of this post: The highs up here are butt a$$ cold and I've got to run on Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. Guess what? Ain't no way I'm running outside. I know. You're supposed to train on the road but I have a rule that I'm not running (right now) outside if it's that cold. I'm just not. Period.

Treadmill here I come.

This reminds me of another good quote from "Grumpy Old Men"

"How you doin' Pop?"

Old Man says: "Terrible! It's butt a$$ cold and I'm fresh out of beer."

He then steals a beer from the first guy. Did I mention I love that movie?

All You Can Do Is Laugh

2007-04-03T18:45:00.000-05:00

That's all you can do when it comes to Hog Sports. It's a cluster...

If you don't know why now, don't worry. You will soon.

I Feel Good About Dana Altman

2007-04-03T06:28:00.000-05:00

I was a little down in the dumps yesterday and beat my thoughts into the ground, but after hearing Altman's speech yesterday I feel better about him.

He talks like a coach. Some might call it boring but he has a very no-nonsense, honest, knowledgeable tone. He knows what he wants to do. 40 minutes of defensive pressure with opportunities for 3's and driving to the basket. I'm no basketball guru, but that sounds a lot like Pitino's style to me. He seems like a quality person. That's important to players, fans, and to be a good representative of The University.

I wanted a big name coach but substance trumps style every day. I was worried about his recruiting ability but he scored big with his first recruits yesterday: Patrick Beverley and the rest of the team. By the way, we are blessed to have Patrick Beverley and his mom. They made a commitment to The University and are sticking by it. He's going to make as all proud in the future just as he has already done in the past.

It boils down to this, as with all coaches, if he wins - he'll be retained. If he doesn't win, he won't be retained. Winning is a function of coaching, recruiting, and relationships. I think we have someone who can do all three. I'm a happy Hog fan even if I wasn't yesterday morning. It's time for all of us to get behind our University and do what little we all can to support our men's basketball program.

GO HOGS!

Dana Altman is the New Head Hog

2007-04-02T15:32:00.000-05:00

I was right. Nobody knew anything b/c they wanted to delay the backlash. I won't even go into my thoughts of Altman in depth. Suffice to say that we were led to believe we would be getting a big name coach. We didn't. He's been successful in the MVC. He's got questionable recruiting ability. He's a good X and O coach who demands toughness from his players. He's well respected in coaching circles and many media guys are saying this is a good hire.

In sum: We traded a bad floor coach who's a great recruiter for a good floor coach whose recruiting ability is questionable. If he can recruit well, he'll do well. If not, he might still do OK.

I guess I and many others are upset b/c we were led to believe from the get go that we would get a big name. I've gotten over my "mad" about hiring Altman but he's walking into a hornet's nest of upset fans. That said, we should all recognize that we are Hog fans and not Coach fans. Like any other coach, if he wins...he'll stay. If he doesn't win...he'll get fired and we'll start all over.

Oh well. GO HOGS!

Razorback Update or Lack Thereof

2007-04-02T07:02:00.000-05:00

Well, nobody seems to know what's going on with the Hogs. That's interesting in and of itself. I've been following the Hogs VERY closely on the Internet since I've been in MI. Never before, in the past 5 years, have I heard such a deafening silence regarding something so important as this BB hire.

The hot rumor over the weekend was that John Calipari, University of Memphis (a.k.a. Tiger High) head coach, was about to be the Head Hog. Some said that it was likely. My guy in Fayetteville who is usually spot on with this stuff said it was a REAL possibility. Some others said that there was no way he was leaving Memphis with the team he had coming back.

Looks like the latter was correct. Calipari came out yesterday and said he's not leaving and, in fact, was never offered the job. He WAS offered the job. John's telling a tall tale there. However, I don't think the UA nor Calipari ever really thought he would take the job. It looks like that was a smokescreen for something else (I'd say bigger but I'm not sure that's true) going down.

There have been rumors for the past few days that an unknown candidate exists who is interested in the job. All sources are saying something should be announced no later than Tuesday. Frank left Atlanta early, which leads one to believe he had a good idea of who he was going to get. There are a few rumblings that someone was signed this weekend and the final details are getting worked out (heard that one before?).

In sum: Nobody but Frank and a few powers that be know what's happening. Nobody's talking. Nobody's revealing the name of the unknown candidate for fear of screwing something up.

The silence probably means one of two things:

1) We got a big name coach and they don't want to trot him out to the public before getting all ducks in a row
2) We got another up and comer and they want to put off the backlash as long as possible.

The next few days are going to be interesting. There is one thing I know for certain: That is...I don't know anything and it seems many others are in the same boat.

This Blog Thing

2007-03-30T09:23:00.000-05:00

This blog has now gotten 2,000 hits and 100 posts. Hard to believe that I have 100 posts worth of crap to throw out there.

Junior is doing very well. Mamma, Junior, and I went out to eat last night at Outback. First, let me say that I didn't really want to go to Outback that often in the past b/c there were so few things on their menu I was interested in. Their appetizers were very limited. Their salads were overpriced. However, the Outback Special, which consists of an 8 ounce steak (11 ounce if you want to pay a few bucks more) and a side or two, is only $12! That's a derned good deal so I always get that but there's just so many times you can eat the same steak cooked the same way.

Now, Outback has changed their menu and they have a wider variety of appetizers. That'll bring me back more often! We had cheese fries last night for an appetizer. The thought of cheese fries always reminds me of high school when some kids would get that processed government cheese and dump it all over a plate of cafeteria fries. Well, let me tell you, the cheese fries at Outback are AWESOME. Think potato boats but instead of potatoes, fries. Really good!

That, an Outback Special, a bowl of french onion soup (I'm willing to put aside my hatred of the French so I can eath their onion soup...could we rename it "Freedom onion soup"?....kind of like Freedom fries?) and I was STUFFED. Not stuffed enough that I didn't decide to stop by the local dairy bar and get a large banana shake.

That was a mistake. I think I was more full last night than I've been in YEARS! MISERABLE! I had to go lay down in bed at 8 PM and just let my stomach settle. Again, MISERABLE!

Anyway, Junior did really well at the restaurant like he always does. He's a quiet little baby. Just sits there and looks around taking in the scenery. We were really proud of him and always get compliments about how good he is. We know that, of course!

Now here's the bad news: Due to the fact that I will be a state employee soon (I guess I am now but I'm really more like a federal employee), I won't have tenure for another 6 years (hopefully it will happen in 6!!!), and I have a tendency to run my mouth, this blog will be shut down when we move home in a couple of months. Thanks to all of you for reading and I will continue posting most days until we move in late May, but I have a hard time controlling my mouth/keyboard and I recognize my limitations. So, in the interest of not putting anything in print that would get me fired, this whole blogging thing will come to an end around the time we move.

Thanks again to all of you and hope this doesn't cause you any undue distress.

Take care,

Pappa

He's Gone Again

2007-03-29T14:40:00.000-05:00

Gillispie's gone again but I don't think he'll be at A&M next season. He sure won't be at U of A it looks like.

I'm vindictive I guess but I hope he waits around for the FL or KY job and gets burned having to stay in College Station.

Maybe Gillispie Isn't Off the Table Yet

2007-03-29T06:42:00.001-05:00

The saga continues........

Billy Gillispie says "NO" to Hogs

2007-03-28T12:34:00.001-05:00

I'm shocked and so are A LOT of other people. More later.

Baby Druel

2007-03-28T05:52:00.000-05:00

Well, Mamma evidently started teething at a VERY early age - like 4 months old. I wouldn't have known that was early but you learn these things as you progress through this crash course in parenting called "The First Year".

All this means that (and you know what's coming....insert ominous sounding music here...Star Wars theme if you like) Junior has started teething - we think. No, he doesn't have fangs yet but we think they're coming in. He's drueling like a mad man, get's cranky, and sucks on his arm like he's starving, stuck on a deserted island with only fast birds and poisonous weeds for sustanance. There are no coconuts, pineapples, mangoes, or the like on this island. Only fast birds and poisonous weeds. He should have picked a better island.

With regard to the druel, he has this stuff running down his face like a Saint Bernard at a meat market. I'm surprised the dripping of druel doesn't keep him up at night like a leaky faucet.

Drip, drip, drip, drip...

Junior says, "Damn! What's that dripping noise?!? I can't get a lick of sleep in this rat-hole! MOM! DAD!! Fix the faucet! Oh, wait. I think I'm sleeping in Lake Hamilton. Did I pee myself?"

This got me thinking. Druel sounds remarkably similar to "duel". Do you think in the olden days that folks used to separate their babies by 10 paces and have a druel duel? I can see it now:

Baby with British accent: "Little Tommy, your time has come. You have soiled your last diaper."

Baby with French accent: "Ha Ha, Mon ami! Your lack of humor is only matched by your over confidence. Prepare to meet your doom!"

(insert toot noise here where a parent of one baby jumps in to change a diaper...the druel duel continues)

Baby with British accent: "Ahem, now that I have been 'readyied' by Mom I will proceed to wipe my mouth with my arm and fling druel in your general direction."

Baby with French accent: "While your druel producing capabilities are undoubtedly substantial, my own are far superior. Fling your druel. Fling it with all your might. You will find that the viscosity of my druel allows me to fling mine with much greater velocity and accuracy."

Baby with Brittish accent: "Your druel may be superior in terms of velocity and accuracy, but mine scatters. I may not coat completely on the first shot but I will in the span of two. Prepare for a soaking!"

At this point the babies would attempt to fling their druel with parents in the background yelling, "FLING THAT DRUEL!! FLING THAT DRUEL!!!"

Undoubtedly one set of parents would act like Beck Campbell (Mitch Mustain's mom) and yell at her baby, "DO YOU WANT TO LOSE THIS DRUEL DUEL?!?!?? GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND FLING THAT DRUEL FURTHER!!! DO YOU WANT TO LOSE? YOU LOSER!!!"

This would undoubtedly be the parent of the French baby. You see, the French baby didn't train for this druel duel b/c it was part of the French work-rule society where one can only put in no more than 12 hours of labor per week. Yet, the French baby's parents expect the same performance from their child as is exhibited by the British baby.

The French baby eventually winds up covered in druel. Losing in miserale defeat. The French parents whine and then demand a meeting with the Director of Druel Duel Duels. When their appeal of the Druel Duel falls on deaf ears, the French parents then proceed to boycott any further druel duels and refuse to give their vote to any Brittish proposals in the United Nations.

You see, the French are whiney, cheese-eating, contrarians. That's why they suck and lose druel duels!

Update on Billy Gillispie

2007-03-27T11:04:00.000-05:00

All signs still point to BG to Arkansas. I'll say this though, the man is a good actor. If you want a good laugh, go to this Texass A&M website. They are in shock and complete denial.

It started yesterday with "AR is filled with a bunch of hillbillies and rednecks....There's no way they can land BG....AR is a step down from TAMU..." yadda yadda yadda.

Fact is, TAMU is NO WHERE NEAR the U of A in terms of basketball tradition. Football, they probably have us beat but it's not by a WIDE margin. In fact, the U of A actually has an all-time winning record against TAMU. Do they have more money than U of A? Sure. Can they afford to dole out the big bucks to keep BCG? Sure, in the short term. However, they have major expenses as well, such as impending construction of new BB facilities (that they started in expectation of keeping BCG), maybe firing their football coach (currently making $2 MM/yr) next year, etc...

I've heard rumors floating around that they are preparing a counter offer of $2.5 MM/yr for 10 years to keep Gillispie. I'm not sure I really believe that. Further, I'd be willing to bet that Frank doesn't fire his man unless he feels as certain as he humanly can be that BCG isn't in the bag.

U of A is a HUGE step up in terms of basketball prestige. I've heard an announcement could come as early as today but will be no later than Saturday.

Let the rebirth of Hawgball begin.

Pappa

The Winds of Change Appear to be Turning AGAIN

2007-03-26T04:29:00.000-05:00

I should know better by now that to open my big, fat mouth (keyboard) when it comes to hiring and firing of coaches on The Hill. I'm by no means well-connected, but I have a friend who is and I follow the REPUTABLE Hog message boards closely.

I have put on this blog that Stan Heath would be fired this week and Billy Gillispie would be the next coach. I have put on this blog that John White might screw it up. I have put on this blog that it looked really good that it was going to happen. I have put on this blog *last night* that it looks like JW was going to screw it up again.

This same type of "turn of events" took place when I tried to keep my friends informed, via e-mail, of David Lee's potential hiring as Hog football OC. On, off, on again, off again, on again, off again.

I should really keep my mouth shut but I enjoy the soap opera I guess.

Anyway, take this for what it's worth, but it looks like ONCE AGAIN the deal is done. Billy Gillispie will get a fat contract at U of A and Stan "I can't motivate my players worth a snakes turd but I'm a damned classy guy" Heath will be gone this week.

I'm sure this will change a hundred times before it actually happens but this is the latest I'm hearing.

Stay tuned to "As The Hog Turns."

Pappa

I'm No Longer Very Confident BG Will Coach Here Next Year

2007-03-25T19:58:00.000-05:00

I'm no longer very confident that John White is going to let Frank hire Gillispie. He is the sole person making this decision and he's going to have to deal with the consequences.

John White Got Hosed

2007-03-25T09:47:00.001-05:00

John White is an idiot. I'm sure he's a very smart person, academically. Unfortunately, if you've spent your life in academics you have no experience in positions that actually require you to focus on PERFORMANCE with little regard for fluff. In other words, if you own your own business and you have to hire a new sales manager, you are going to go after the one who will PERFORM the best. You will give little credence to the person's skin color, gender, etc...

Sports are even more competitive than business. As a matter of fact, some business academic should figure out some research comparing sports to business, but I digress.

You don't hire a basketball coach based on the color of his/her skin. That's racism.

You don't hire a basketball coach based on his/her gender. That's sexism.

Yet in the PC world of academia, it's OK to be racist and sexist as long as you are favoring the a priori underepresented group.

Thankfully, Frank Broyles won his last major battle this week. Negotiations with Billy Gillispie are going on through this weekend. Heath will be fired next week. Gillispie will be hired soon thereafter.

Equality through performance based evaluation has triumphed.

I Think All is Right Again in Hogland

2007-03-24T09:42:00.001-05:00

All is back on track.

John White is Meddling

2007-03-23T18:45:00.000-05:00

I received some information today from a friend of mine in Fayetteville who is well-connected to some sources at U of A.

He says there is a 70% chance, in his estimation, that Billy Gillispie will be the next head basketball coach at Arkansas. Why the 30% uncertainty?

John White, chancellor, made a promise to Stan Heath regarding his job security after the MS State win in the SEC tournament. Further, Dr. White is very concerned with diversity. An admirable trait to be sure but ultimately the cruelest thing you can do to a coach is to hire him/her not on their merits but on the color of their skin/gender.

Let's hope that John White does the best thing and allows Broyles to hire Gillispie.

Family Portrait

2007-03-23T06:33:00.000-05:00

We had a family portrait made yesterday. Or, I should say, we had the pictures for a family portrait taken yesterday.

Junior did very well. He got cranky a couple of times, and we had to take a break, but a little formula in the dressing room and he was ready to go again. He was so worn out afterwards he was falling asleep walking the whole 4 steps to the car.

The picture lady kept saying, "Boy, he's a fat baby." Or, "He sure is big!"

Over and over and over and over and over ad nausem. It got old.

Sure, he is a big baby, but you can see the kid's abs. I can say with 99% confidence that he's not a fat baby. She's a doofus.

I think the pictures will turn out well. We did one with Mamma, Junior, and I, one with me and Junior, one with Mamma and Junior, and one with Junior flying solo. I think Mamma wants a few more so we'll have to discuss that with the picture folks.

I foresee a big family portrait hanging over our fireplace in the new house. Call me psychic.

Obligatory Razorback BB Post

2007-03-22T13:38:00.000-05:00

So, the Hogs got HOSED in the first round of the NCAA tournament. Not entirely unexpected. The Hog team that showed up in the SEC tournament is not the same team that showed up in the NCAA tournament.

The Hog team that showed up in the NCAA's is the Hog team we've seen all year. No heart. No drive. Would someone please explain to me how a team cannot be fired up to play in the NCAA's? Especially after all this team went through to get there?!?!?

Anyway, I'm hearing Stan Heath is history as predicted in this blog multiple times. I thought Stan might have saved his job by making the tournament but I bet you hear differently in the next 5-7 days.

I also bet that we'll all be happy with the new hire. I've mentioned the most likely hire previously and word is it will be one of those people. I'll leave it at that.

Pappa

EDIT: The whole situation just became more interesting with Tubby Smith taking the Minnesota job. KY is an attractive place. We'll see.

Junior Sleeping

2007-03-21T07:55:00.000-05:00

Sappy post warning...

I generally wake up WAY too early every morning. Like, around 4-5 AM. Don't know why except for this trait seems to run in my family...Actually, given that, I guess I do know why.

I've actually come to enjoy getting up that early. The world is quiet and it's a very productive time to be at work.

Every morning I go to the nursery and shut the door so I don't wake Junior up as I'm getting ready.

Mamma asked me last night before we went to sleep if I told Junior that I love him when I go in. I told her that I didn't but I did check on him to make sure he was OK.

This got me thinking and I decided that I would take a little time out of my morning every day to sit and look at Junior sleeping before I leave. I did that this morning.

There can be no more peaceful creature on Earth than a sleeping baby. I stood there and watched him for a while. He sometimes sleeps with his eyes open and has this blank stare on his face all the time staring right at you. I wondered if he recognized me in his sleep but know that he's probably having visions of formula bottles racing through his head.

I told Mamma the other day that the love I have for her is similar to the love I have for Junior. There's always this base level of love I feel for her but sometimes I look at her and realize how happy I am to have such an incredible woman to share my life with. At those times I love her even more.

The same thing applies to Junior. I always have a base level of love for him but at times like this morning I realize how happy I am to have him as a son, how blessed we are that he is healthy, and how much I love him. I told him that I love him this morning and, truly, there was no better use of my time.

I'm Home!!

2007-03-20T06:03:00.000-05:00

Geez, travelling in winter is a pain. When I got to Regan National on Friday to fly home, the ice storm that belted the NE hit. All flights cancelled. So some others from MSU and I got a hotel for the night and then rented a car and drove home Saturday. I caught some bug and slept almost all day Sunday and took it easy most of the day yesterday. Anyway, I'm back at work today and feeling a lot better. Which is good because I have to go run 2 miles this afternoon for the marathon training.

On to the story from DC.

I arrived in DC around noon on Wednesday. Took a cab to the hotel b/c I had too much luggage to ride the Metro. I normally pack pretty light but I had my clothes bag, laptop bag, bag to carry my poster handouts, and my poster tube. The Feds get to foot my bill for the cab.

Got to the hotel and settled in. My hotel room had a porch on it facing North and when you step outside and look to the left, you see the Washington Monument. When you look to the right, you see the Capitol. It was an INCREDIBLE VIEW!!!

I had to go to a reception that night (which was held at the congressional office building!! That was pretty cool too.) at around 5:00 PM so I had a little time to kill. I therefore decided that I would go out and walk around. Specifically, I decided I wanted to walk to the Capitol. It was probably about 2 miles from my hotel and I set out.

I walked past some hippies protesting the war in front of the Capitol and resisted the urge to put a steel toe up their dope smoking rear ends.

I then decided I would see how close to the Capitol I could get. Surprisingly, you can get REALLY close. Like, on the front steps close. So, I then noticed that there were some people exiting the Capitol that looked to be on some type of tour (i.e. they really didn't look like they belonged inside the Capitol). At this point I wondered to myself, "Self, how might you get a tour of the Capitol?" I figured it would take an act of Congress to get one but I decided that the only way to find out was to ask one of the gentlemen standing at the front of the Capitol who happened to be carrying M-16s.

So I walk up to one of the guys carrying an M-16 and say, "Hey. I've got a stupid question for you. How do I get a tour of the Capitol?"

They were very cordial. They didn't shoot me or anything. I thought that was polite of them.

They told me that the tours were probably all booked for the day but that I could walk down to this white tent about 1/4 mile away and ask. So I walk down to the white tent, stand in line for about 2 minutes, get a free ticket, and stand in line for the tour that left about 10 minutes later!

We walk through some fairly touristy parts of the Capitol but it was really cool.

At the end of the tour they just kind of turn you loose to go wander around. That's a bad idea on their part. I'm curious as hell and generally have a fairly low regard for being told what to do (e.g. "Authorized Personnel Only Past This Point") so I set out to go see what trouble I could get in.

I'm wandering around the Capitol and see some meeting rooms. Nothing too exciting but it was pretty cool just seeing the place. The most famous person I walked past was Dennis Hastert. He didn't even say "hi" to me!! I can't imagine why?!?!?! Oh yeah, I know why. He doesn't know me from Adam.

I continue walking around and see a sign that says "Senate Balcony -->" and I was off to see if I could get on that balcony overlooking the Senate floor. Now, I know that you need a pass to do this but I thought I'd go check it out. When I got up there, sure enough, there was a (short) line of people who had these passes but there was an alternate entrance with a "Don't come in here unless you're Jesus, the President, or someone important" sign. I decided I was important enough to go in that way........I was wrong.

I took the approach that I would walk nonchalantly past that sign and try to look like I knew what I was doing. I got about 5 steps past the sign when a big dude in a suit with a mic in his ear said, "SIR! Where are you going?"

I really wasn't prepared for this guy to be there b/c he was kind of situated where you couldn't see him when you were out in the foyer. I had no option but to lay on the Southern accent and say, "WELL HI THERE!!! I'm just kinda wanderin' around. Do you know where the bathroom is?"

He didn't buy it. Oh, I'm sure he bought the Southern accent part. He just didn't buy it to the extent that he was going to let some dumb redneck wander around the Capitol.

"Sir, you need to turn around." he replied.

I had no choice but to say, "Alright then. Ya'll have a nice day now, ya hear!"

This same scenario polayed out about 4 more times. I'll be damned if the Capitol isn't well guarded! Who'd a thunk it?

One time, after getting turned away, I was walking off trying to find some other trouble to get into and I happened to look back over my shoulder and see a Capitol policeman walking about 3 steps behind me. I turned left. He turned left. I turned right. He turned right.

At this point I'm thinking, "Holy shemp! I'm about to get arrested in the U.S. Capitol! That's going to suck to have to tell my family that I got arrested in the Capitol." I could just see myself sitting in some dark, basement lock-up with a spotlight shining on my face getting interrogated by some guys in black suits. Thankfully, I don't think he was really after me as I finally lost my "tail".

I wandered around a little bit more but decided I had pressed my luck enough and went back to the hotel.

The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful. The poster presentation went well. The conference was primarily attended by a bunch of "science" folks (i.e. chemists, biologists, etc...) and was therefore not really that interesting in that I didn't have a clue what many of them were talking about.

I've already covered the pain in the rear that was getting home so this pretty much concludes my trip.

Good time. Love DC! I could spend about a week or more there going through all the museums and stuff.

Glad to be home!

Junior is doing great! I need to post more pictures don't I?!??!??!??!??!!!!

Global Warming Post

2007-03-15T05:55:00.000-05:00

I know I said I'd be off until Monday but I can't resist applying common sense to global warming.

Read THIS INTERESTING BLOG.

Good stories from DC coming next week. Tune in.

No Blog Entries Until Monday

2007-03-13T14:55:00.000-05:00

Dear All,

I'll be on the road for the next few days and most likely will not update the blog until Monday.

Everyone have a great weekend!

Best,

Pappa

You Might be a Redneck Parent if....

2007-03-12T07:57:00.000-05:00

If you can guess which of these actually apply to us and Junior, I'll send you a cookie.

You might be a redneck parent if...

...your baby's crib consists of a spot on the floor outlined in cinder blocks.

...you have ever put tin foil on the antenna of your baby monitor to improve reception.

...you have ever wondered why they don't make a baby toupe to cover up those bald spots.

...you hope your baby's first words are the name of your favorite NASCAR driver.

...you have ever told your wife, "There's no need to give the baby a bath tonight. I've had him/her laying on the ground all day and the dog has licked him/her all over."

...your baby's crib collapsed and ten animals perished underneath.

...you've ever wondered why bars don't serve a mix of formula and Jim Beam.

...you have the same number of teeth as your newborn.

...you've ever tried to set your baby up with one of his/her cousins.

...you've ever tried to cut crystal meth with baby formula.

...you've told your significant other that you already have plans for your baby to get a job when they turn 12.

...the highest aspiration you have for your baby include the words "manager" and "Dairy Queen".

...your baby owns a Mississippi State starter jacket or bib.

...the first baby gift you received was a "log" of Skoal.

...you don't understand why babies can't spit Skoal juice as far as you and your wife can.

...you wish your boss would let you druel and poop your pants just like your baby does.

...the first song your baby ever heard was Willy Nelson singing "Crazy".

...you hope your baby enjoys Willy Nelson's, "I've Gotta Get Drunk and I Sure Do Dread it" as much as you did when you were a kid.

...you said the words, "Hey son, watch this!!!" when you were driving your baby home from the hospital.

...your baby's stroller has a lift kit installed on it.

...your baby's stroller has a sticker on the back with Calvin peeing on a Chevy/Ford logo.

...your baby's stroller has an 80's era Trans Am "screaming chicken" sticker on it.

...you rock your baby to sleep at night singing Lynerd Skynerd's "Freebird".

...you've ever used your baby as collateral on a new truck.

...your wife ever scolded you for saying "Wooo Pig" to your baby before saying "I love you."

...you taught your baby to "Call the Hogs" while he/she was still in the womb.

...you think a c-section is right next to the smoking section.

...you dress your baby with clothes you bought using Marlboro miles.

...your wife didn't scold you for saying "Wooo Pig" to your baby before saying "I love you."

...you've wondered if your baby's first words will be the dog's name, mamma, or da da.

...one end of your baby's crib has an animal mounted on it.

...you found it in yourself to watch your baby's birth by thinking of cleaning game, because you normally can't stomach the sight of such mess.

...you've ever explained to your baby that, "What happens at duck camp, stays at duck camp."

...you've ever wondered if your other baby's mamma/daddy knows about your current baby's mamma/daddy.

...you've ever gotten in a fight because someone said your baby boy was "beautiful".

...you took your baby to the vet for his/her immunizations.

...your pediatrician has the letters "DVM" behind his/her name.

...you named your baby girl "Bessie" b/c you just like the name of the family cow so much.

...your baby's stroller is currently up on cinder blocks in the front yard b/c you're trying to find that squeek.

...there's an old, empty freon drum next to your baby's crib.

...you own a bib that has "No Fear!" embroidered on it.

...you use old pieces of carpet as a baby blanket.

...you refer to your baby as part of a litter.

...you use saw dust as a changing table.

...you've ever explained to your baby the intricacies of how "Rubbin is racin."

...the birth of your baby was announced over the loudspeaker at the local dirt track speedway.

...you compared your baby's birth weight to the largest bass you've ever caught.

...you have a sticker on the back of your car that reads, "My baby could kick your honor student's ass."

...you show pictures of your baby to friends and then immediately transition to showing them pictures of that 10 point you shot last year.

...you refer to your baby's weight in terms of the size of shotgun shells: "Well, he started off as a 4-10 but I've been mixing Crisco in with his formula so now he's up to a 10 guage."

...you tried to plan conception, and subsequent birth, around football/duck/deer season.

...you ever THOUGHT about planning conception, and subsequent birth, around football/duck/deer season.

...you hope you live long enough to see great grandbabies and to see the Hogs win a National Championship in football.

That last one's a freebie. You know that applies to me.

The Hogs Made It In!!!

2007-03-11T18:31:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure this is the best thing for the program long-term, but I am happy for Stan and the kids.

I'll be on the road and probably won't be able to watch the game so we'll see if they're still playing at this time next week.

The folks at Syracuse and Drexel are none too happy. They've got a point but wait...oh yeah...I don't care what folks from Syracuse and Drexel think.

That game today was a complete embarassment. The Hogs quit with 10 minutes left in the game. Were they tired? I'm sure they were. Was Nolan's team tired in 2000 during the championship game when they had similarly played 4 games in 4 days? I'm sure they were. Did they quit with 10 minutes left? Nope.

Granted, Florida is probably the best team in the country right now but quitting is not acceptable. Similar to when the Hogs turned down an NIT bid in one of Stan's earlier season b/c the "team was not emotionally ready to play any more games."

They quit then too. This is why I don't like Stan's teams. They have no identity or heart.

Oh well. What are we supposed to do? The powers that be haven't asked me my opinion so I guess I'll just enjoy watching the Hogs and let those that can do something about it worry about these issues.

Soooooooo....

GO HOGS!!! BEAT USC (in basketball at least)!!!!!

Pappa

Just When You Thought it was Safe to Go Back in the Water

2007-03-11T11:41:00.000-05:00

The pundits are saying the Hogs may have to win today to get in the tournament. Stan may not be safe yet.

First Nice Meal With Junior in Tow

2007-03-10T20:31:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago I proctored some exams for a professor up here. He didn't have to do this but, in return for proctoring these exams, he gave me dinner for two at the "U Club".

The U Club is a university sponsored (or at least affiliated) country club type thing. Mamma and I went there for dinner tonight and I've gotta tell you, it was pretty swanky. Great food! I had some tomato/crab dip, shimp bisque, a filet, and some turtle cake. Mamma had some thai chicken lettuce wraps, french onion soup, cashew chicken and some cheesecake. Everything was AWESOME except for the cashew chicken and it wasn't bad. Just a little bland.

Anyway, Mamma and I decided that we would try to take Junior with us tonight when we went. This is quite a risk b/c our reservations were for 6 PM and Junior starts getting sleepy (read: cranky) at 7 PM....but we conveniently forgot about that.

Things worked out great though. Junior did start getting a little cranky at 7 PM (almost to the minute) but we picked him up and he was fine. Then he fell asleep in Mamma's arms and slept through the rest of the meal.

One lady stopped at our table and was amazed at how quiet Junior was being. She said that she and her husband had just had their first enjoyable meal IN 6 YEARS with their kids present. Junior's a good little feller. He laughed louder during the meal than he fussed when he did get cranky. Hard to complain.

On another note: The marathon training starts tomorrow (Sunday). 3 miles. I don't know if I'll be able to run the entire 3 miles but I'm going to travel 3 miles on foot at one speed or another. I'm sure I'll feel like a "pre-owned" diaper afterward.

On another another note: The SEC Championship is at 1 PM EST. Tune in.

Stan May Have Just Saved His Job

2007-03-10T15:31:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to Stan Heath and the Hogs!!!!

I think the odds are pretty good that the Hogs make the tournament now. Florida HAS to beat Ole Miss, and some other games have to work out as they should, but I think the Hogs might get in albeit with a pretty crappy seed.

This may go without saying, but I didn't think they had it in 'em. Where did this team come from?!?!? They played with some grit, hustle, and determination. They always had the talent. They just rarely played with the hard-nosed effort that it takes. I'm impressed.

Now, I really don't think that the Hogs beat Florida tomorrow (assuming FL wins). However, if they put on a good show I think that the odds are close to 100% that they make the tournament.

The most frusterating thing is that this team should have RUN AWAY with the Western Division.

Nobody ever argued with Stan Heath the person. It's just Stan Heath the motivator/coach that people were frusterated with.

What's going to be interesting is if the Hogs make the tournament, and lose in the first round AGAIN, does Stan keep his job? Only the powers that be know that answer.

None of that is important right now. What's important is that the Hogs showed up these last couple of weeks and no true Hog fan out there ever WANTED them to lose. They might have wanted a new coach. I know I did/do. But they never wanted the team to lose.

I wish Stan nothing but the best and hope he can find a way to keep his job IF he can get the team to play at a high level of intensity during the regular season.

Go Hogs!!! Beat FL/Ole Piss!!!!

Hogs Win and Socialized Medicine

2007-03-09T19:20:00.000-05:00

HOGS WIN!!! HOGS WIN!!!

Wow!!! What a game!!

I'm sticking to my guns though, if for nothing else b/c it seems to be good luck: Stan Heath's last game as a Hog is tomorrow.

If the Hogs win tomorrow, they are VERY likely to go to the tournament and Stan keeps his post. We'll see. I say Hogs lose.

On another note:

Do you want to know what socialized medicine looks like: Walter Reed.

Can we ever put the idea to bed that (completely) socialized medicine is a good thing? When there's no accountability, too much paperwork, and too much bureaucracy, you have defined a government run organization where nothing gets done.

If the government won't take care of injured soldiers do you think they'll take care of Aunt Gertrude?

Idea from Ronald Bailey.

The Hogs Won!!!

2007-03-08T17:35:00.000-05:00

I admit I was wrong. However, I stand by my original feeling that the Hogs WILL NOT win tomorrow.

Stan needs to win 3 games to make the tournament. If Stan makes the tournament, Stan keeps his job.

I will never root against the Hogs but I think that if they make the tournament this year, and Stan keeps his job, I think that's bad for the program long-term.

Think Nolan Richardson 2000 (I think it was 2000). Nolan was (believe it or not) about to get fired in 2000 until he won the SEC tournament and made it to the NCAA tournament. I think we then lost in the first round and Nolan continued to drive the program into the ground.

I don't think Stan would intentionally drive the program into the ground but his teams play with no heart for most of the year and that will lead to continued losses and him getting fired eventually. Getting to the tournament this year only delays the inevitable.

I won't root against the Hogs but I hope the best thing happens for long-term benefit of the program.

In Honor of Stan Heath's Last Game as Hog

2007-03-08T08:17:00.000-05:00

Call me pessimistic. Really, I never WANT the Hogs to lose. I just don't have much faith in Stan Heath's teams. Especially outside of Bud Walton. The Hogs have already lost to SC once this year. I think they lose again today. I'll be at the local sports bar cheering, but I'm afraid this is Stan's last game as a Hog. In honor of Stan's last game, I present to you the following bit of Youtube humor.

Junior is Starting to Get on a Sleep Schedule

2007-03-07T14:14:00.000-05:00

He still wakes up at night a few times but he hits the rack around 7 PM on a regular basis.

Oh yeah, he still poops.

Temperatures are warming up here starting in the next couple of days. HIGHS IN THE 40's FOR A FEW DAYS AND EVEN A DAY OR SO CLOSE TO 50!!!!!

This is the time of year where I start to hate even the sight of snow on the ground. I mean, I'm literally angry at snow as stupid as that sounds.

If I see a snow "clod" on the road, I'll swerve to hit it. I intentionally step on the same clods if they're on the sidewalk. I consider it doing my part to better my environment by breaking apart the snow so it melts faster.

The closing date on our house got moved up to 4/27 at the sellers request. That's the Friday before the Monday we were going to close. No biggie.

That's all the news that's fit to print....or at least all I can think of right now.

Adios,

Pappa

Marathon

2007-03-06T08:57:00.000-05:00

A few friends of mine and I have decided that we're going to run the Dallas White Rock Marathon on December 9th, which also happens to be Junior's birthday!

Make plans to come to Dallas that weekend and celebrate Junior's first and our completion of our first (only?!?!?) marathon.

Human Caused Global Warming is B.S.

2007-03-04T20:46:00.000-05:00

Then again, that's just my opinion and I've got an axe to grind b/c I can't stand the global cooling...er...overpopulation....er...global warming, yeah that's it - global warming, tree hugging hippies.

Do I want clean air? Well, yeah! Who doesn't want clean air. Do I think that humans are causing climate change of a global proportion? Hell no. We humans are an entirely too arrogant group with a complete lack of perspective. We can't even model the supply chain of a large corporation yet we create models of our global climate, based upon a litany of assumptions, and then purport that humans causing climate change is FACT.

THINK FOR YOURSELVES, PEOPLE! POLITICAL CORRECTNESS HAS RUN AMOK!

Further, why don't we get alternative explanations for global warming as the Brittish do?

CLICK ME

One of the more interesting points in that snippet is that increased CO2 levels may actually be CAUSED BY GLOBAL WARMING...not vice versa!

If humans would actually stop and think about how little we truly know about our world, we would laugh at people who claim to know all the answers about a system so huge that we cannot begin to fathom its enormity. Hell, we can't even predict what the weather is going to do next week very well yet the wackos will tell you what it's going to do 100 years from now (and FURTHER OUT!!). Pardon me if I'm skeptical...and not just b/c I hate hippies.

Thanks to Darren at Right on the Left Coast for finding this.

Teachers Get in a Huff

2007-03-04T08:12:00.000-05:00

I've gotten one comment and one e-mail since my post yesterday regarding teachers getting 4.5 months per year off. I'll emphasize this now and several times hereafter, the following is not directed to those who sent these to me yesterday!

Both the comment and the e-mail were from people with jobs in the academic community at differing levels. Both the comment and the e-mail made the point that "teachers don't really get as much time off as I implied yesterday."

OK, let's get something straight. This is a hot-button issue with me b/c, even though I am a teacher, I get sick of teachers moaning and groaning.

(note: the comment and e-mail were NOT "moaning and groaning"...the above just references teachers in general)

As the old saying goes, the reason why academic disputes are so fierce is because so little is at stake. There is no whinier (sic) group in the world than the academic community (again, not referencing the persons who commented on my post yesterday). This includes all levels of teachers from pre-k to university.

I say this b/c I "is" one. I am exposed to these folks on a daily basis. Those who have not yet come to the realization that having the ability to sit on the beach (or wherever you may choose to be) in the summer time and do research DOES NOT CONSTITUTE WORK are convinced that they are abused b/c they have to work in the summer.

Different disciplines and schools have different ways of doing things. In business, we don't have to report back to anyone about what we did with our summers. If you do research, you report what you submitted/got published that year at the end of the academic year. It doesn't matter if you did it during the summer or not. One would be strongly advised to do it during the summer b/c that's when you have the most "long blocks of time". However, let's assume for the sake of argument that you have to report back to a tenure/promotion committee about what you did that summer. So what?

"Dear Committee, despite the fact that you cannot fire me b/c I have tenure, therefore if I do not sleep with a co-ed or poop on the dean's desk I cannot get fired, or will not fire me b/c it makes work for you, I am taking (read: wasting) my time reporting back to you on what I did this summer. I attended a few meetings this summer that I really didn't want to attend b/c they impinged on my time. I exchanged e-mails and phone calls with students that were not happy about their grades last spring. I taught one 8 week class b/c you pay me a crapload of money to do so. I sat around and sipped on fruit smoothies while "working" on research. Here's a list of the publications I worked on:

1. Professor, I'm a Doofus (2007), "I Put a Lot of Work Into Writing this Title Despite the Fact That Nobody is Ever Going to Read this Article," Journal of Dust Gathering, 4(1), p. 3444-4332.

2. Buttscratcher, Sally (2007), "I Call Doing Research Work Because The Hardest Work I've Ever Done is Untangling Butt Hair in the Shower," Journal of Nobody's Going to Cite this Article, 1(2), p. 999-1234.

3. Shrunkenutts, Don (2007), "Reasons I Haven't Broken a Sweat in 10 Years: My Life Growing up Upper Middle Class and Sacking Groceries as a Teenager," Journal of Unreproduceable Results, 44(8), p. 1-33.

4. Fatheiney, Garth (2007), "The Unfathomable Congnitive Reasoning of an Academic Malcontent: You Know I'm Complaining When My Mouth is Moving," Journal of Teachers Who Need to Dig Ditches for a Summer So They Realize What Real Work Is, 1(1), p. 44-222.

In summary, I probably could have done nothing this summer b/c all you would do is send me a hateful letter that will amount to nothing as long as I publish in accordance with the quantity and quality of journal articles (that nobody will read) as generally accepted by the department. Best, Whiny Teacher"

OK, so let's assume that teachers don't really get that much time off in the summer/spring break/fall break. Do you get some time off during these times? Yes. Could you/do you take at least 8 weeks off every year? The answer is most likely "Yes" you could, even if you don't. Are you paid a 9 month salary that most folks would be happy receiving in 12 months? Yes, and you can supplement this with summer work. Do you get better benefits that 99% of the working population? Yes, especially if you work for the public school system.

So, all of us teachers should do the following: 1) get a grip on reality, 2) if you think you're working too hard, go install HVAC equipment in 150 degree attics for a summer and then come back and tell me that your "work" is really work, 3) come to terms with the fact that you are paid well for what you do, 4) quit complaining: aferall, life is GOOD!, 5) realize that simply b/c you don't "like" grading papers, don't "like" responding to students, don't "like" doing anything that impinges on you doing what you like doing DOESN'T MEAN THESE THINGS ARE "WORK!", 6) realize that the reason you vehemently hate things that impinge on your time is because you've gotten so used to having so much time.

I could go on and on...

TEACHERS OF THE WORLD (including Pappa): HERE YEE!! HEAR YEE!!! WE HAVE IT GOOD!!! QUIT YOUR DAMNED COMPLAINING!!!!

Spring Break

2007-03-03T08:13:00.000-05:00

Yesterday symbolized the precise reason why I have the 2nd overall best job in the world and the absolute best job in the world for my age group.

The best overall job in the world is being a rock star. If you're a kid in your twenties, there couldn't be a much better job than that. Yet, we all get a little older (hopefully! ...the alternative ain't no fun) and, as Hank Williams, Jr. says,

"The hangovers hurt more than they used to.
Cornbread and iced tea took the place of pills and 90 proof"

I was a beer man (I've never been a "pills" guy and "90 proof" only very sparingly) during my wilder days but the principle remains the same: when you get older, you either change your ways or feel miserable every day.

This brings me to my point, I have the best job in the world for my age. First, I enjoy going to work every day, even during weeks like this one where I put in about 60-70 hours (edit: I first typed 70-80 but then calculated how many hours a day I'd have to work to reach 80 and I didn't work THAT much!!!).

Second, I've got a job where I can always make more money if I want to. I got a call yesterday from my old officemate who is now a professor at Northeastern University in Boston. He said that Accenture (consulting firm) asked him to find someone who would like to do research full time, get paid $140 - $180,000/yr, and move to Boston. My officemate asked me if I would be interested. To which I replied that I don't believe I'm ready to move to Boston yet. Point being, there are always opportunities.

Third, I get about 4.5 months a year off if I want to take it. Professors are paid on a 9 months salary, but during those 9 months you have Christmas, spring break, fall break, etc... By my calculation, that adds about another 1.5 months onto the 3 summer months.

The reason I bring this up is because yesterday was the last day of school before spring break at MSU. One of my professors here told me one time that he has a great job because if he "doesn't show up one day...no one dies." Well, nobody died at MSU yesterday, but nobody showed up either. The office was EMPTY! No professors. No students. Nothing. The best part is, the odds are that none of the professors even called in to say, "Hey boss. Not coming in today." They just didn't show up...and...no one cares!

This is the best thing about academia: the lifestyle. Work on what you want to work on, no boss (in the formal sense of the word), no set schedule, none of that crap that makes a "real job" suck. Now, the fact that nobody has a "real" boss means that there is very little accountability. This means that all things move at a glacial pace, which can be VERY frusterating. However, you take the good with the bad.

I've got the best job in the world (for my age group) because I'm on spring break this week but I'm still going to go into work. Why? Because I want to, but if I didn't want to, nobody would care or be any worse off.

Wally Hall is a Freaking Idiot!

2007-03-02T16:25:00.000-05:00

I cannot stand Wally Hall. Haven't liked him for years. However, his article today was low down. Specifically, the two following quotes:

Quote 1:
"Patrick Beverley is one of the most exciting freshmen in the SEC and overall a nice young man, but he needs to spendmore time in his English class and less time learning how to spin the truth.

"After the victory over Mississippi State he said: “Ain’t nobody going nowhere because we’re going to the NCAA Tournament. The media’s putting so much pressure on us, y’all making us tight.”"

Quote 2:
"The pro-Razorbacks crowd celebrated the appointment of John Tyson to the UA board of trustees Wednesday.

"Apparently, they feel he will not be swayed by the pro-Houston Nutt group."

Nobody is arguing that Patrick Beverley's use of the English lanugage is proper. I just think it is downright REPREHENSIBLE for a grown man (if you consider 5' tall grown) who happens to be the "sports editor" of the largest paper in the state to degrade an 18 year old kid in this manner.

Further, simply because Nutt called Wally out for his lies on the radio, does not mean that the rest of the state is either pro-Razorback OR pro-Houston Nutt. Wally is neither.

The sad part is that many people turn to Smally Balls for "inside" information. You want the facts: Wally doesn't attend football practices. Wally attends very few football games. WALLY DOES NOT HAVE INSIDE INFORMATION! Wally doesn't go to the Broyles Center and talk to coaches. The coaches won't talk to him. Wally isn't respected by his peers.

Wally is also the next best thing to illiterate when it comes to writing. Have you ever tried to read one of his columns? They are usually a string of one sentence paragraphs. If one is unable to put together a coherent paragraph/thought, one should not be a journalist...and Wally is not.

We're obviously returning home in about 3 months. There are several things I look forward to with regard to returning to Arkansas. Outside of the big things, like family and friends, I was looking forward to several little things. For example, I cannot wait to put an Arkansas license plate back on my vehicle. It's a little thing, but it really sank in that I was about to spend 4 years (that turned into 5) in MI when I removed my old Arkansas plate and replaced it with a Michigan plate.

Another little thing I was truly looking forward to was subscribing to the Democrat-Gazette. I have read that paper online EVERY DAY since I've been in MI. In college and graduate school I would look forward to waking up every morning so I could go get the paper, sit, and drink coffee while reading it.

Well, I'm going to sacrifice that pleasure until Wally Hall is gone. I'm not going to contribute my hard-earned money to a paper that employs a lieing charlatain who degrades young people.

In fact, I called the circulation director of the AR DEM GAZ to let him know how much I was looking forward to subscribing to the paper upon my return but that I would not be doing so because of Mr. Hall.

Looks like I'll be subscribing to the Log Cabin Democrat and looking forward to the day when Wally is no longer employed by the Democrat-Gazette. This time can come none too soon.

Thought du Jour

2007-03-02T05:40:00.000-05:00

“A man without money needs no more fear a crowd of lawyers than a crowd of pickpockets.”

– William Wycherley, English dramatist

No Blog Today

2007-03-01T11:06:00.001-05:00

Work work work

Quotes from "Grumpy/Grumpier Old Men"

2007-02-27T20:32:00.000-05:00

I really don't sit around and watch movies all day, I swear. However, I did just think about the movie "Grumpy Old Men," which is a classic. In thinking about it, I googled movie quotes and Grumpy Old Men and found this site. There are also quotes from "Grumpier Old Men."

You have to have seen the movies to appreciate some of these but here are some of the quotes. HI-larious, I tell you:

1 says) I see your cat crapped on my newspaper again. 2 replies)Yeah, who says you can't train a cat?

Why don't you do the world a favor and pull your lip over your head - and swallow?

Looks like he's taking the 'ol skinboat to tunatown

I kicked your ass in 1938!

It's colder than a witch's tittie out here!

If my dog was as ugly as you, I’d shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards!

HEEEEEEEEY DICKKKKKHEEAAADDDDD

If I was a strapping young lad like you, I'd be mounting every woman in Wabasha!

Does she have big thighs? No, she doesn't have big thighs. Well, then. What's the problem?

1) I have been to Hawaii! 2) Which island? 1) ComeonIwannalayya.

come-on-I'm-kinda-kinky

I-wanna-take-a-peeky

It's butt cold out here, and I'm fresh outta beer.

1. Moron! 2. Putz!

The man's a menace. Always hanging around those kinky strip bars. You know, the ones where the men take off their clothes.

Watch it bonehead!

Looks like Chuck's taking ole one eye to the optometrist.

Max Goldman:(while watching TV) Oh, shut up, fat-ass!

I rather kiss a dead moose's butt!

1)Kids swallow quarters all the time. 2)Really? 1)Yeah, if she craps out two dimes and a nickel then you can start worrying.

(After being brought a light beer)What the...what the hell is this?
I weigh 90 goddamn pounds and you bring me this slop 'n foam!?
Let me tell you something, Johnny. Every morning I wake up and smoke a cig. and I eat 5 strips of BACON!...
For lunch a bacon sandwich...and for a mid-day snack BACON!! A whole damn plate and I usually drink my dinner

What do you say we go back to my place and I'll show you my man-size manacotti... eh?? Or how about my bony macaroni? Or my fatty alfredo? Or my hard salami? I've got them all...

1)Dad, I wish you'd try the low fat bacon. 2)Well you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one gets filled faster.

He's a regular Don Juan.. no wonder the ladies Don Juan anything to do with him!

You couldn't catch crabs from a ten dollar hooker!

What's the matter beautiful? You're meaner than a dog shittin' tacks.

Jacob: Studying up on your Italian are ya? Thinking of wooing Maria? Max: Nah, just going to curse at her in her own language is all. I think she's a lesbian anyway. Jacob: How would you know? You've never seen a lesbian. Max: DID TOO! Seen 'em on Geraldo.

The MI Winter and My Experience with Poster Presentations

2007-02-27T08:36:00.000-05:00

I'll start with something positive: the temperature rises above freezing (almost) every day.

I'll then proceed to something negative: the clouds WILL NEVER GO AWAY!

Even the native Michiganders get restless this time of year. This is when they all go on vacation....and most don't go skiing, I can promise you.

I remember when some buddies of mine and I went to Panama City for spring break when we were in college (some of us never really left college, but I digress...don't you want a spring break every year though?!??!???!!!!). I remember how many Yankees were down there. I mean those folks were EVERYWHERE!

That and people from Kentucky, who undoubtedly are some of the most backwoods folks I've ever encountered...and that's saying something. I'm fairly backwoods myself.

Anyway, lot's of Yankees. I knew why they were there. It's cold where they're from. I just didn't fully appreciate the desire they must have had to get there. I thought my friends and I were excited. We were. Afterall, we got to go down to FL and party for a week. The Yankees, they not only got to go down to FL and party for a week, but they also got to get out of these damned clouds for a week.

In other news: If you follow the blog you've read below that I get to go to D.C. to present my dissertation research. Now, this isn't a formal, stand in front of 300 people and speak presentation. This is a poster presentation. Evidently, poster presentations are the kind of presentations commonly found in the "hard science" fields (i.e. chemistry, biology, etc...). How do I know this, you may ask. I'll tell you how.

Last year I got to go to a research summit that is somewhat similar to the one I'm going to this year, although the one this year is much bigger. Last year I was asked, along with some other students, to do a poster presentation of my research. I was the only business student there. The rest of the students were from "hard science" fields. They all showed up with these 3' x 5', glossy, slick, professionally done posters to hang on the boards. I showed up looking I'd just stepped out of Sanford and Son with a bunch of posterboard cut-outs and ribbons to use as lines and connect the cut-outs. People probably thought I was from Kentucky.

Not cool.

However, nobody ever told me what a true poster presentation consisted of. I should have asked, I know.

Anyway, this year I know better and am doing the same slick, professional looking poster that I'm sure everyone else will have. I'm movin' on up like George and Weezie.

Junior Says Daddy Just Isn't the Same

2007-02-26T09:21:00.000-05:00

I've said before in this blog (I think) that after Junior was born, Mother Nature was pretty much through with me for a couple of years. Well, not COMPLETELY through with me but Nature just wants me to go out and kill something for dinner. Mammas do babies. Daddys do dinner. This is my opinion of how nature works because I don't think that we, as dads, are as good at taking care of babies as Mammas are.

Well, Junior supported my hypothesis. Allow me to set the stage: Junior is laying in his crib this weekend, happy as a puppy with two peters, when all of a sudden he decides that laying down isn't cutting the mustard anymore. Mamma is in the kitchen doing her mamma thing so I take it upon myself to go get Junior, pick him up, and try to comfort him (read: try to get that crying to stop at all costs). Well, obviously I forgot to put on deoderant b/c Junior was having none of my smelly self. He kept on keeping on with his balling.

I've also said before that I'm not the most patient of people. It takes me approximately 30 seconds to reach the point where I've had enough crying. Surprisingly, I pushed my tolerance limit to about 5 minutes in this case. At which point Junior is still not "comforted" (read: ceased the crying).

At this point, Mamma saw that Junior wasn't "comforted" and I certainly wasn't "comfortable", so she stops what she's doing and comes to get him. When she took him, it was like someone flipped switch. The clouds parted, the sun shone through, and Junior (quietly!) snuggled in.

I can't say as I blame him. If I had a choice of snuggling up to my armpit, or snuggling up to Mamma's boob, I'd choose Mamma's boob too. He's a smart kid.

However, this just goes to show you once again that Mammas are made for this type of thing. Even babies recognize this fact.

Now, Junior and I often get good quality time where he's happy with me. I'm not trying to imply that the above applies in every situation. I'm just saying that when worse comes to worse, when the breaks get the boys (to quote Ronald Reagan as George Gipp in "Knute Rockne-All American"), Junior says "hand me to Mamma and win just one for the Gipper!"

...and I'm cool with that!

Now, if you'll pardon me, I've got to go out and kill some dinner.

Movie Review with a Political Twist

2007-02-25T20:09:00.000-05:00

Just watched "Babel" with Brad Pitt.

I'm not completely sure what to think about it. On one hand it was a well done movie.

On the other hand there was a lot of VERY weird stuff in it of a sexual nature.

For example:

A teenage boy watching his sister naked
A naked teenage Japanese girl throwing herself at a policeman and (clothed this time) licking her dentist's face trying to get both of them to have sex with her.
Etc...

I could name more, but that's probably enough.

The thing is, the movie didn't have to have these things in it. Perhaps the stuff with the Japanese girl punctuated the point that she was crazy as a poop house rat, but there are other ways to make that point.

I also can't quite figure out if the movie was trying to get the audience to focus on communication differences, as the title may suggest and as the movie itself suggests, or if the movie was trying to make a political statement about guns/gun proliferation and U.S. immigration policies. My guess is that, since Hollywood folks are weird, the answer is probably D) All of the above.

If you ever want to figure out who to vote for in the next election, you should begin by looking at who the Hollywood elite is supporting and then DO NOT VOTE FOR THAT PERSON. That doesn't mean you SHOULD vote for some of the folks they are NOT supporting, but DEFINITELY DO NOT VOTE FOR WHO THOSE FREAKS THINK SHOULD RUN OUR COUNTRY.

Californication is not a good thing.

New Basketball Coach

2007-02-24T16:34:00.000-05:00

OK, so Stan Heath didn't even take part in the post game press conference after the game today. Ya think he knows he's about to get a steel toe up his hind quarters?

I'm hearing all kinds of statments being thrown about that the UA is FINALLY going to pony up and get an ESTABLISHED head coach. I'll believe it when I see it but SUPPOSEDLY, Bill Self (KU) might be interested along with Billy Gillespie (TX A&M). IF, and I stress IF the UA does pony up and get a decent coach, I'll be AMAZED!

I think it might actually happen this time around, though. Stay tuned.

Saturday Morning

2007-02-24T11:09:00.000-05:00

Pappa's in charge of the house this AM.

Mamma's out getting her harr and fangers done (you like that don't you?!).

Junior started crying and I told him to stop whining and give me 20. He didn't listen. Pappa loses again.

By the way, is "Pappa" spelled with 1 "p" or 2? In other words, should it be "papa"? I think it should but I'm not changing. Too late now.

I'm Worldwide, Baby!!

2007-02-23T11:27:00.000-05:00

Just got word that I get an all expenses paid trip to Washington D.C. to present my dissertation results at a Department of Homeland Security conference in March!!!

Can I get a "Wooo Pig!" from the congregation?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!

I'm Slacking

2007-02-23T08:15:00.000-05:00

Forgot to put an entry up yesterday. VERY busy at work.

Here's the latest:

Junior has started making "giggle" noises, or so Mamma says. I haven't heard it yet. I don't think he's giggling at anything in particular but giggles are giggles.

Stan Heath/The Hogs lost at Auburn the other day. This means the Hogs stand about as much chance of making the NCAA's as I do of playing basketball for the Hogs. Stan Heath is gone. Look for TX A&M's Gillespie to get a call.

Got the home inspection back. Nothing major there to fix. Homeowners are supposed to fix what is there before closing (4/30).

Life's good in MI. The sun is out today, afterall, and the high is above freezing.

Stan Heath

2007-02-21T17:17:00.000-05:00

Hogs don't win tonight means Hogs don't make the tournament.

Hogs don't make the tournament means Stan Heath is history.

Book it.

I'm a fan of Heath as a person. As a coach? Not so much.

If you want Stan to stay, you'd better hope the Hogs win on the road tonight....ain't gonna happen I'm afraid.

Immunizations

2007-02-20T21:39:00.000-05:00

Junior got some immunizations today. I didn't go. Junior drove himself. Well, actually mamma took him. Evidently there was some blood curdling screaming.

That's the bad part.

The good part is that he's been sleepy the rest of the day. Junior usually fights sleep during the day so this is a good thing. It was especially a good thing b/c Mamma took some time to herself tonight and went to Kroger (some folks go to a bar, some folks go on vacation, Mamma goes to K-Roger). That means that yours truly was in charge of Junior for a couple of hours. He slept in that baby swing thing the whole time.

I got off easy on that one!!!

Some GOOD (relatively) MI Weather

2007-02-20T13:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the first time in 21 days (read that again: 21 days!!) that the temperature has gotten above freezing in MI and, let me tell you, it was a glorious occasion.

I post bad things about MI weather frequently, so I'll post something good: Yesterday was AWESOME! High of 42 degrees. It felt like summer to those of us used to highs of one degree. Most of you would say a partly sunny day with a high of 42 is just so so. I'm telling you it's heaven on Earth. HEAVEN I TELL YOU!!!!

Further, the highs for the next 10 days are ALL ABOVE FREEZING! I might not even wear a coat in the afternoon. If I owned a speedo, I'd wear it.....

Not really.

The Godfather of Soul has Left the Building

2007-02-19T08:07:00.000-05:00

As most of you Hogs fans know, J. Frank Broyles formally announced his retirement on Saturday. This is both a happy and sad day in Hogland.

Throughout the years, JFB has been the face of Arkansas Athletics. One article I read today summed a few things up nicely:

1. JFB is to Arkansas Athletics what Sam Walton was to Arkansas Business
2. JFB's primary flaw is that every coach that worked for him wasn't Frank Broyles.

Sidenote: It's sad that it takes a columnist from AL to write a good article on Broyles. Our sorry excuse for a sports editor at the ADG is just that.

JFB's retirement is sad b/c it marks the turning of a page. JFB came to AR in 1957 as a John Barnhill hire. Since that time, his tenure was marked by great success (shared national championship in 1964, 22 game win streak, the hire of several great coaches including Lou Holtz, Ken Hatfield, Eddie Sutton, Nolan Richardson, and John McDonnel, the construction of arguably the finest collection of facilities in the nation) and several great failures (running off many of these coaches by meddling). At the ripe young age of 30, there has been no time in my life where JFB wasn't the Head Hog. Change, even if it is for the better, is often sad. I'm sad to see JFB go b/c it does mark a turning of the page.

However, I'm happy to see JFB go for many reasons as well. AR has a lot of potential, but with JFB at the helm we will never be able to hire a top notch football coach. Why? Top notch football coaches want to run their program the way they see fit. You can't hire a "run-first" coach and then force him to hire a "pass-first" offensive coordinator (i.e. Danny Ford/Kay Stephenson and Houston Nutt/Gus Malzahn) at the first sign of trouble. JFB tried to do the same thing to Hatfield but Hatfield left for Clemson instead.

You see, JFB's management style was his greatest shortcoming. When you hire someone to do a job, you let them do that job as they see fit. JFB has every right to make suggestions but does not have the right to force these suggestions down the head coach's throat. If the coach does not take the suggestions, and consequently doesn't win enough games, that coach gets fired. If the coach takes the suggestions, and consequently doesn't win enough games, that coach gets fired. Whether the coach takes the suggestions or not, if he wins enough games, he should be retained.

It's all about winning games. Nothing more. Nothing less.

In my opinion the role of an AD is to make it easy for a coach to succeed by providing resources that are conducinve to success.

Another reason we would never be able to hire a top notch coach with JFB at the helm is because JFB was highly reluctant to spend the money required to hire an established coach. While JFB holds the view that you should hire a coach with head coaching experience, he also holds the view that you should hire an up and comer. That's fine, but that is also a more risky path.

I think Houston Nutt has turned out well given the hurdles he has had to overcome and, make no mistake, these hurdles have been substantial (i.e. poor facilities at the beginning, NCAA investiagation, etc...). We now get to see how HDN runs his team without interference from above, although HDN is a "pleaser" (by his own words) and seemed more amenable to JFB's interference than most would be.

Another cause for concern with regard to JFB's departure is that it leaves a substantial power void at the top of Razorback Athletics (and the State for that matter). I hope that John White's power was diminished enough via his last attempt to oust JFB that there will be checks and balances as to who he hires as the next AD. It is widely known that White previously wanted Bev Louis, the current womens AD, to take over for Broyles. The women's program is not exactly in top notch shape.

In sum, we should all appreciate what JFB has done. We should all be concerned over what his departure means for the Razorbacks. We should also be hopeful that this change is for the better. If we can hire someone with JFB's good qualities, without his bad qualities, many good years are ahead for the Razorback Nation.

This change is for the better.

We're Back!

2007-02-16T13:07:00.000-05:00

Well, Mamma, Junior, and I have returned from house hunting in AR. If you want to see the house, click HERE. Click on the picture of the home for more pictures.

We began our house hunting trip by looking at a couple of "starter" homes. I call them starter homes not because they are truly starter homes. Nothing could be further from the truth. When I think of starter homes, I think of a semi-run down, one bedroom house with several other noticeable problems. However, I'll call these starter homes because, in context, they were smaller and needed some work. Now, smaller is of course relative as well. These houses ranged from about 1500+ sq. ft. Not a bad size at all.

Anyway, we began by looking at those homes and saw two that we would have strongly considered until....our realtor showed us the one above and we were blown away. It is EXACTLY what we were looking for. It's a little bit bigger (1973 sq. feet), new (5 years old but the previous residents have no kids and the house is VERY "lightly lived in"), and in a good neighborhood.

We continued looking at houses for the rest of the day but didn't see anything else that really compared with this one. So we decided to make an offer. The next day we brought up our respective families, got their input on the house, and made the offer. First, Mamma and I are very thankful that we had the input of our families. From a real estate standpoint, my family gave some invaluable input on the house and the home purchasing/negotiating process. Mamma and I then had a brief conversation about how much we wanted to offer and what conditions we wanted on the contract.

We made an offer that took into account the advice we received from our families and also one that took into account our own views and goals. Less than 2 hrs after making the offer, our realtor (I'm not capitalizing that out of principle) called us back to let us know that our offer had been verbally accepted.

Anyway, we couldn't be happier.

Additionally, Junior got to meet the family. Everyone approved of him as well, not that that is a big surprise.

If you're reading this, and you're a friend of ours who lives in LR, we're sorry that we didn't call you. This trip, like so many others that have preceeded it, was VERY busy and didn't allow much time for socializing. If it makes you feel any better, we didn't call ANYONE. Sorry, but we promise to be better friends when we move down there permanantly.

At any rate, it was a very painless and straight forward process thanks to the help of our families and realtor. We close on April 30th. We move in late May/early July and are excited about seeing all of you more often.

Best,

Pappa

Blogging break

2007-02-08T15:33:00.000-05:00

Sorry for no posts the last two days. Very busy at work. Going home tomorrow to house hunt. Will see some of you while we're there.

Rooting in Snow is on vacation for a week or so. Check back at the end of next week.

Best,

Pappa

Dirty Recruiting in Football

2007-02-06T21:32:00.000-05:00

Funny story for you football fans.

CLICK ME

Climate Change

2007-02-05T15:39:00.000-05:00

At the risk of posting two entries in one day, I submit to you this piece about climate change, or lack thereof, and the "solid science" used to determine its relevance in our world.

CLICK ME

Weekend at the Root House

2007-02-05T14:38:00.000-05:00

It was a lazy weekend at the Root House. The most productive thing I did yesterday was clean dog snot off of the sliding glass door that leads out to the porch. Let me clarify, I cleaned dog snot off of the INSIDE of the sliding glass door. It was 1 degree outside. That's right. ONE FREAKING DEGREE. We can't even get plural degrees. Just one. Singular. Since there was only one degree out there yesterday I claimed that one degree as my own like I had just settled a new colony.

I hereby claim this degree in the name of the queen and name it "New Rootville"

Let me also fill you in on the nuances of dog snot. First of all, the reason there is/was vast quantities of dog snot on our sliding glass door is b/c this door faces the street. When Bailey is bored, she sits at this door, evidently with her nose pressed against it at all times, and watches for whomever or whatever passes by. The rest of the time she chews on carpet. Our carpet looks like someone went on an archeological dig.

Bailey the archaeologist says (and I quote), "Hmmm, I wonder if there could be any tasty morsels under this square foot of carpet?"

(insert noise of a dog sticking snout to carpet, pulling carpet up, shaking head like an alligator that has just captured some food, and tossing pieces of carpet to and fro)

"Nope, nothing to eat here. I think I'll go put some more snot on the door. That sounds entertaining."

Second of all, dog snot is undoubtedly pretty easy to clean up when fresh. This dog snot was not fresh. Mamma asked me to clean the dog snot up a LONG time ago. ADD kicked in again and I, of course, forgot. Undoubtedly I was distracted by something vastly more important like, I don't know, sitting on my tail end shoving cheesy poofs down my craw and watching American Chopper. By the way, American Chopper is the best show on TV, but I'll get into that in another post.

I'm convinced that the Army could use dog snot as tank armor. Windex is powerless against its concrete-like properties. After scrubbing for about 20 minutes I gave up on the Windex and went to get the spare car battery we keep in the closet so I could harness the acid contained therein and dump it on the dog snot. Ok, I didn't really do that and we don't really keep a car battery in our closet, but I did go get the mildew remover spray and it worked pretty derned well.

However, for those of you keeping track at home, dog snot sucks.

Mamma, Junior, and I watched the Super Bowl yesterday. Good game, if a little sloppy (like dog snot). The Bears should have won except they have a quarterback that is better suited for butter carving than throwing a football.

I made a few predictions on the game but I think my final one was that the Colts would win but the Bears would cover the 6.5 spread. I would have been right if Margie the Butter Artist (i.e. Grossman) hadn't thrown a pick that was returned for a TD.

That boy had better not get on that plane back to Chi-Town, b/c really, there's no reason to. His house probably got burned down last night.

On Saturday I went to a local meat market and bought some snacks for us to eat during the game. One of my purchases was a 1/2 lb of pepperoni. It was gooooood...until I realized that I had eaten way to much of it. You know when you get a pepperoni pizza and it comes out and has all that grease on top? I normally take a napkin and dab that stuff off. However, when you eat the pepperoni cold, the grease doesn't "pool". Thus, after I finished a few (read: a lot) pieces of pepperoni, fixed some bruschetta with pepperoni and then subsequently ate too much of that, I felt like I had just gone face down in a five-gallon bucket of Crisco.

I felt like unmitigated poo poo. Mamma didn't eat as much as I did, but she didn't feel well either. Not like food poisoning "not feel well". Just I've got 2 lbs of lard sitting on my belly "not feel well."

There's a reason my body is shaped like Bobby from King of the Hill.

Anyway, dog snot gone. I'm over the lard induced sickness. I'm back at work. Case closed.

Goal Setting

2007-02-03T06:15:00.000-05:00

Setting goals is important. We should all strive to improve our lot in life in some shape, form, or fashion. A man without a mission is no more useful than that fuzzy thing in the back of my refrigerator.

However, I infrequently made the concious effort to set goals until I came up here.

Therefore, I hereby knight thee (sic) a fuzzy piece of meat in the back of the fridge.

ALL HAIL PAPPA THE GOAL-LESS FUZZY MEAT!!!!

We now return to your regularly scheduled rant:

I never sat down and said, my goal is to go back to school. Now, I did say a couple of times that it would be cool to be a college professor but I never really said, "My goal is to be a college professor." In typical fashion, for me, I just decided I was going to go to school again and dumb lucked into good things.

God takes care of widows and fools. My grandmother likes to say she's both. I'm just one.

When I arrived in MI I began setting goals but these goals aren't what you might think they would be. I never set a goal of making straight A's while I was up here. I never set a goal of being a better husband (I'm perfect as it is...right?).

No, no, no. My goals are much more remedial than that and involve places I would like to live (read: characteristics of places I would like to live that are diametrically opposed to the characteristics of MI). Let me help you understand why I might have these goals. Reference the following high and low temperatures forecasted for Central MI.

SAT
13°F
-2°F

SUN
7°F
-1°F

MON
10°F
3°F

TUE
13°F
7°F

WED
16°F
6°F

THU
20°F
15°F

FRI
27°F
14°F

That's cold! Now back to the previous discussion of goals.

There is a river here that runs through campus. I walked over a bridge that passes over this river my first winter in MI and there were kids PLAYING HOCKEY ON THE FROZEN RIVER!!! Needless to say, this is not something you commonly see in AR, which leads to several goals:

Goal #1,343: Live someplace where bodies of water do not freeze to the extent that you may play hockey on them.

Goal #4,209: Live someplace where the average person cannot reasonably justify purchasing their own, personal pair of ice skates.

Goal #5,784: Live someplace where hockey is a relative afterthought.

There are several other goals:

Our apartment complex is opening it's own skating rink:

Goal #3,254: Live someplace where apartment complexes don't operate their own damned skating rinks.

This brings up the skate issue again. The apartment complex expects you to provide your own skates:

Goal #229: Live someplace where your apartment complex would never think that enough of their residents would own their own ice skates that said complex could just open a rink and say, "Come and get 'em!"

Further:

Goal #254: Live someplace where the following words seldom (read: NOT annually) come out of your mouth: "I sure will be ready for a day over 20 degrees."

Goal #421: Live someplace where the following words NEVER come out of your mouth: "I sure will be ready to see grass again. This snow has been on the ground for a month now."

With regard to food: MI has a strong northern European influence and hence the food is about as flavorful as a piece of posterboard.

Goal #832: Live someplace where people realize that the spice trade routes are now WIDE OPEN and you don't have to hire a world renowned explorer to get spices any more.

I'm sure I'll remember/think of more. When I do, you'll be the first to know. Ok, maybe you'll be the first. You'll be in the top 10. I promise.

Michael Vick...Really?

2007-02-01T19:22:00.000-05:00

For those of you who may not be familiar with the situation, Michael Vick, the quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons, was detained in the Miami airport b/c his water bottle smelled of marijuana.

Below is an SNL weekend update skit poking fun at Mr. Vick. Pretty funny if I don't say so myself.

Lots of New Pics for You Folks.....

2007-01-31T19:12:00.000-05:00

If you hate rediculous "forward this" e-mails

2007-01-31T09:54:00.000-05:00

then you'll love this:

CLICK ME

And a random Aggie joke for good measure:

An Arkansas graduate, a Texass U. grad and a Texas Aggie were
sitting in a bar in San Antonio. The view of the river was fantastic, the
beer was ice cold and the food exceptional.

"But," said the guy from Arkansas,"I still prefer the beer joints back in
Fayetteville. There's one place where the owner goes out of his way for the
locals. When you buy 4 beers, he will buy the 5th."

The Longhorn said "Well, at my local bar in Austin, the owner
will buy your 3rd drink after you've bought 2."

"Hell, that's nothin'," the Aggie responded. "Back in College Station
there's this bar where the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy
you a drink and keep them coming all night. Then when you've had enough to
drink, they take you upstairs and see that you get laid. And it's all
on the house."

The Razorback and the Longhorn immediately doubted the Aggie's claims.

"And this actually happened to you?" asked the Arkansas grad.

"No, not me personally," admitted the Aggie. "But it did happen to my sister."

My Crazy Damned Dream

2007-01-30T16:23:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I have the craziest damned dreams. Just one time...Just once, I'd like to have (and remember) one of those dreams where I'm in a scene like Happy Gilmore's (for those of you that have seen the movie) happy place.

Picture this: There's a burbling brook in the background. It's a sunny day. Let's say the temperature is in the low 80's just for the sake of argument. There's a big oak tree in the foreground providing just enough shade that you can stretch out and take a nap. Let's also assume fire ants don't exist in this place, alright? Don't ruin the happy place with ants.

Now, as if this happy place wasn't happy enough, in the movie Happy Gilmore also has a midget (midgets..aka...little people...are the coolest people ever. Everything's more fun when an LP is involved) riding a broomstick horse, dressed like a kid in a cowboy outfit. Ok, I might even accept a few fire ants if there was a midget dressed as a cowboy riding a broomstick horse...but wait! It get's better!

In this happy place (again, in the movie) there was also a scantily clad blonde in white lingerie carrying two ice cold pitchers of beer. Well, that's a nice addition, eh? Now, I'm a happily married man, but my wife told me some dude on TV the other day was good looking, so afford me the luxury of being jealous that this fictitious Happy Gilmore feller has a beer toting blonde in lingerie in his happy place.

(sidenote: She also says Junior and I have matching double chins...but the guy on TV didn't have a double chin! What the hell?!??!?!?!?!!!)

WOW! Now that's a happy place. Here's what I get in my dream last night.

I'm sitting around our apartment with my parents and a few other folks. OK, so this is cool so far except for the fact that I'm in our apartment, which happens to be located in The Frozen Tundra (aka...MI). I can get over that. I'm hanging out with my folks and solving the world's problems with them and some other random people.

Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear but Don Shula, former coach of the Miami Dolphins. Holy Crap!! This dream just got better. I get all excited because not only do I get to meet Don Shula, but I get to sit down and discuss football with him. Geez, I'm a happy kid!

Then, just when I'm about to try to segway into a football conversation with Don (Don and I are on a first name basis, you know?), Dad (aka...Grandpa V) and Bailey (aka...our dog) start chasing each other around the apartment. That's right. My dad and dog are running laps around our coffee table, right in the middle of everyone. The dog's barking. Dad's laughing. I'm trying to solve the mysteries of the football universe here, damnit!

So I yell at Dad and Bailey to pipe down. Dad then gets upset and goes in the other room. The Dog is then upset as well and goes to lay down in the corner and whimper. I feel like an unmitigated ass hole. Then, I wake up. What a great feeling to wake up with. You just hurt your dad and dog's feelings. There's no Don Shula in the room. There's certainly no midgets or beer toting, lingerie wearing women. Mamma and Junior are in the nursery. GOD DANGIT!!! WHERE'S DON SHULA!?!?!?

Oh well. I then realize it's 6 AM and time to get up anyway so I go fix my coffee and start the day. I go see Junior and Bahama Mamma. They're doing fine. I drink my coffee, head to work, and all's copasetic...

However, case in point, I want brooks, shade trees, midget cowboys, and beer toting women and all I get is fire ants. Bummer.

Junior Update and Other Random Tidbits

2007-01-29T16:12:00.000-05:00

I'm amazed at how fast these little creatures, referred to as babies, grow. If I don't get to spend a lot of time with him for a couple of days, I SWEAR I can tell he's gotten bigger. His feet, hands, head, legs, EVERYTHING.

He's gotten to be a chunky little thing. Yet another way he takes after his daddy, but I passed chunky a long time ago. Shoot, I'm just trying to get BACK to chunky.

Anyway, he went from chunky when he was born, to skinny, and now back to chunky. He's a good lookin' little feller though.

We're completely out of the newborn outfit business and have moved into the 1-3 month outfits. We're pretty well stuck on 6 ounces per feeding or a little less. Sometimes he'll budge over the 6 ounce mark, but not often.

He's also starting to use his voice more too...and not just for crying! He hasn't recited the Star Spangled Banner yet, or said "Wooo Pig," but we're working on it.

Junior is a Razorback fan, though. We have a mobile above his crib with little, stuffed Razorbacks on it (thanks for the gift!) and Mamma came running in to get me last night to tell me that he was lying there, staring at the Hogs. Good way to score points with Pappa, Junior!

I've got some good pics from when Grandma and Grandpa V were up here that I need to post. I've also got some other pics, and need to take a few more, and put them up here for all to see.

I'll do my best to get on that ASAP.

What else is going on? Well, we're coming down to AR the week of Feb 19th to look at houses. I've been in touch with a local mortgage broker and she ran our credit. No problems there, thankfully. You never know what's going to pop up but I monitor my credit fairly closely and didn't anticipate any problems but, again, you just never know. Thankfully no issues. We're qualified for more house than we would even DREAM of buying. Mamma and I are both pretty conservative when it comes to spending money so we're not going to be moving into a mansion any time soon.

This brings up another point: my clothes are WAY outdated. Not that I've ever been the king of fashion (FAR from it, in fact) but I've got to invest in some clothes when we get back home.

More importantly, I've got to invest in some new hunting gear. I don't have any boots and I'm pretty sure there's a bunch of other stuff I need (read: want). ;-)

I've spent more on Razorback paraphenalia over the past 5 years than I've spent on clothes for work. Guess that shows where my priorities lie, eh?

International visitors: I've gotten a few more international visitors lately. One from the Phillipines and one from Canada. These have to be folks that are just scrolling through blogs b/c I'm certain that there's nothing on this blog that would draw random people in. They don't come back either. Ya'll fereners come back now, ya hear!

Movie Review

2007-01-28T18:44:00.000-05:00

When you live in MI and are not into winter sports, you have to find something to do on these cold, cloudy, snowy weekend days.

Pt #1: If we were going to stay up here, I'd get into winter sports.
Pt #2: If I had had more time while I was up here, I'd have gotten into winter sports.
Pt #3: The winter sport I would most like to have gotten into is ice fishing.

"ICE FISHING?!?!?!?!?" You might say. Yes. Ice fishing. I'm not a high tech fisherman and I haven't even been fishing in YEARS but I would get into ice fishing. Why? You put up a shack out on the ice, put a heater in the shack (as stupid as that sounds), get your snoopy pole (not really...but the poles look like the snoopy poles kids have...in terms of their length anyway), and listen to the radio, watch TV, whatever you have your shack rigged up for. If you choose to imbibe, well that's your perogative.

This reminds me of one of the best movies of all time: "Grumpy Old Men." There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, funnier than old kermudgens hazing each other. The 2nd installation of "Grumpy Old Men," appropriately titled "Grumpier Ole Men," was pretty derned good as well. I might have to put a post up with nothing but quotes from those movies. They're classic.

Anyway, since I didn't get into ice fishing, and Mamma would probably kick my rear if I left her alone with Junior on the weekend while he's at this age, we rented a movie to watch yesterday.

The movie we rented is called, "The Illusionist" and stars Ed Norton, Jessica Biel, and Paul Giamatti. I had to look those up on the movie website so I sound like a halfway competent movie reviewer.

Ed Norton plays this magician/illusionist in 18th century Vienna. Jessica Biel is pretty derned hot. Paul Giamatti, well, I couldn't stop thinking about his character in "Sideways" at first, but I eventually managed to and he did a good job.

I'm no acting conoseur, I'm not even completely sure I spelled conoseur right and I don't really care enough to look it up, but good acting in this movie and GREAT plot. I didn't see the ending coming. Mamma did but thankfully she didn't tell me about it as she usually does.

Ed Norton does a good job in all the stuff he's in.

Did I mention that Jessica Biel is pretty hot?

Go rent it. Oh yeah, one more thing. If you have any spare change, hire some paparazzi to follow Jessica Biel around until she goes to a nude beach. KIDDING!!

(sort of)

Driver Dis-education Video (Watch the Whole Thing)

2007-01-27T21:40:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm now finally supporting a family

2007-01-26T09:31:00.000-05:00

It's only taken me 30 years to get to a point in my life where I'm actually supporting others (financially anyway, not that I've provided a lot of emotional support to too many folks).

When I graduated I was awarded a post-doctoral position for the spring semester. While the pay certainly isn't going to allow me to take any trips to the Caribbean [sitting at a beach bar, with no clouds, and sipping (read: guzzling) a cool, cool, Red Stripe (or 20) sounds really good right now] it is WAY more than I've ever made in my life. Considering that I only worked for a couple of years in the trucking industry after college, I suppose that isn't saying much. No really. It's not saying much. However, I'm proud of it.

Primarily I'm proud of it b/c I'm supporting my family. Mamma has informed her (former) employer that she will not be returning. Considering said former employer sucks hind tit, it was quite surprising that they were very classy about the whole situation. Mamma took Junior in with her. It's hard to be an ass with a baby around I suppose. Then again, some folks are capable of anything they set their minds to.

Despite the fact that this former employer suckles (note: is suckle the root word of "suck"?) rear boobie (get it: sucks hind tit...Ha! I kill me!), they were kind enough to provide Mamma with a good job for a number of years and, for that, we're appreciative.

However, now that I'm the breadwinner, Mamma better get in the kitchen and fix me some pot pie!

(If you heard that noise, that was Mamma smacking the back of my head.)

I've Figured Out How to NOT Get Peed Upon

2007-01-25T09:34:00.000-05:00

I was exchanging e-mails with my cousin's wife (is that my cousin-in-law?) Shannon yesterday. She is a regular reader of this blog and has her own blog as well, which you can find here.

Shannon is a mom of four and has a lot of good tips and stories that you moms out there will really enjoy. I'm sure she appreciates me advertising her blog under the heading of "I've Figured Out How to NOT Get Peed Upon"....

I bet she gets over it. :-)

At any rate, during our e-mail exchange I told Shannon that there are times I wish this blog were anonymous so I could post some politically incorrect thoughts. While age (not that I'm old) has tempered the extent to which I voice my politically incorrect thoughts, that doesn't mean I don't have them anymore. Those of you who have spent any amount of time around me in the past, especially when I've had a few, know that I tend to run my mouth. Sometimes to the detriment of my physical well-being. We'll share those stories at a later date.

At any rate, the following could be perceived as politically incorrect. However, as a parent, things that were once politically incorrect to talk about simply become a matter of standard conversation. In other words, it becomes (more) acceptable to talk about baby's bowel movements, parts, and other various bodily functions that you would not normally talk about if they were your own.

In other words, it would not be acceptable for me to tell you about the last time I sat down on the pot, but it might be funny (if you phrase it correctly) to tell you about the last time Junior dropped a deuce. I'll get to the point of this post eventually, I swear.

First though, let me provide you with a little background having to do with our dog Bailey. As you dog owners know, when you have a puppy there are few things more important than trying to get this puppy to do his/her business outside. Puppies (and some adult dogs, for that matter) are notoriously slow to use the bathroom. Sniff here. Sniff there. Sniff everywhere. This really sucks when it's 10 degrees outside but I digress from my digression.

When Bailey was a puppy, Mamma and I would watch her every move intently when we took her outside b/c 1) it was cold and 2) we wanted her to do her business so she didn't do it in the house. Well, through my (occasionally) keen sense of observation, I learned that when Bailey moved a certain way she was about to "make a deposit" and return her dog food from whence it came. I told Mamma one day that I had "learned the ways of the puppy bunghole."

I could predict a poo coming a good minute or so before the poo actually made its appearance.

I have now learned how to predict when Junior is about to unleash the fury of his pee upon poor, unsuspecting Pappa.

When you take Junior's diaper off, the poor little guy is obviously exposed to the world. By exposed, I mean his ding a ling is out there for all to see. He doesn't seem to care about this. Quite frankly, I've never cared when mine has been exposed for all the world to see either but, again, we'll save those stories for a later date. I guess he takes after his daddy.

The problem with his ding a ling being exposed, and you standing in front of him, is that baby ding a lings do what baby ding a lings do: hose daddy down like a new new prisoner at Folsom. The trick is to figure out WHEN this is about to happen.

Now, as a Daddy, I've obviously got a ding a ling as well. You would think that after all these years of experience with my own ding a ling I would be able to tell by looking when the ding a ling was about to "serve its purpose" even if I didn't have the ability to tell when my bladder was full. However, this is not the case.

Ding a lings obviously change over time. Afterall, eventually ding a lings don't work anymore. That's why Phizer makes so much money but I think I feel a little dirty bringing erectile disfunction into this so we'll leave that one alone.

I can't tell by looking when my ding a ling is about to serve its purpose, but I CAN tell by looking when Junior's is (and...no....I have not sat and stared at Junior's ding a ling). Think of a snake. Specifically, a cobra. When a cobra is calm it lies on the ground. When a cobra is about to strike it raises up and moves back and forth. Well, baby ding a lings do the same thing when they're about to "strike".

This is what I observed last night right before Junior decided to hose me down. I took his diaper off and was shocked that he was "free-standing" (for lack of a better term). I had no clue what was about to happen...and then it did. He began to pee. My hand moved to grab a Kleenex faster than I would move if I had just grabbed a hot pan out of the oven. I put the Kleenex over Junior's parts. After a few seconds I assumed that Junior would have finished his job. I was wrong. I removed the Kleenex to be greated by "the stream". So I quickly re-covered the "parts" but did so incorrectly. I didn't cover the stream as I had the first time but redirected it such that the stream now flew up toward his head and across the changing table. Let's just say it was a mess, he needed a new outfit, and so did I.

I don't know if my scientific discovery is generalizale to the broader baby population but, for you parents of little boys out there, if you take take your baby's diaper off and see a ding a ling saluting you...that cobra is about to spit in your general direction.

There's a reason Mamma changes most of the diapers around our house.

LSU Fans Smell Like Corn Dogs

2007-01-24T12:27:00.000-05:00

This Hi-larious bit of real world observation taken from the following link:

http://www.2daves.org/lag/corndogs.html

Read and enjoy.

_____________________________________

LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.

Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.

LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.

I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something
better said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid.

I am afraid that they'll know I said it. I'll walk past an LSU fan
someday, and he'll see that look in my eye that gives it away.
That look that says, "gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?"
The next thing you know, I'll have flat tires on my car.

If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU
fans how they smell - you know, like corn dogs.

LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue.

I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you
attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell
like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, "Wow, LSU sure does
have a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game."

It's hard. I know. It's like when you're having sex and you try to
think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming.
It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or
whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: "Gee, I
wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like
a corn dog?"; or "Is this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying
to make me think it is a real person?" or "What did that giant corn dog
just say?" or "Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly
like corn dogs smell?" or, of course, after a silencer:
"Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?"

Heck, after what I've heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better
not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are
nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. That's okay.

You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them.
They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But
don't be obvious about it. Somehow they know you're trying not to
breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. They'll likely
punch you for that if they catch on to what you're doing.

If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it'll permeate your whole
body, and then you'll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But
don't say, "Dang, now I smell like a corn dog." They take offense to
that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff.
Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get
stitches or something. Just don't say it. If you do start smelling like
a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay?

I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your
kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around
town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and
sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in
their expression - indicating they smell corn dogs - might get a wrench
or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that's
dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as
you drive - on some other weekend

I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog
stuff. What puzzles me most is that I've never actually seen any of
these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe there's no
mystery there - maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows?
Maybe there's a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there.
Maybe, there's a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume.
Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply -
kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird.
The big political issue during the city election is whether they should
add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Don't comment on it
though. It's not politically correct over there. It's like a
malnutrition issue or something. It's like the corn dogs are probably
added to the water to prevent starvation or something.

I know when you go to Baton Rouge, you're thinking: "Ahhhh. Here I am
in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I'll bet the people here smell just like
boiled crawfish or shrimp etoufe' or some fancy Cajun food." But just
stop thinking that. That's just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.

In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn
dog odor. And don't try masking the odor with something stronger.
They'll curse at you. They'll say something like: "WTF, how dare you
smoke a cigar in my home," or "WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of
corn dogs?" and they'll cuss out your kids too: "WTF!!! Little Mister
fancy pants over here acts like he doesn't want to smell like corn dogs."

Cajuns are not like us. Don't you see that, yet? They are really
sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know
they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all.
I know, I know. We sniff the bammers and the UGA dawgs and the Ole
messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don't press
your luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Don't refer to Death Valley as corn
dog valley either. I mean that's just wrong. Even if you've been
drinking, they'll beat you up and curse out your kids.

Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction -
even if you're laughing about something else. Like baseball or football,
or sex or whatever. If you can't control yourself and you must laugh
though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their
corn dog body odor from a distance or that you're choking on it or
something. They'll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus
building over just one snort.

So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each
other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams.
You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed
my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this
Saturday. Okay? Get your corn dog jollies at home.

Enough with this corn dog talk. Let's play ball...

International Visitors

2007-01-23T16:46:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine told me I'm a computer geek the other night because I installed a tracker thing on this blog to see where the visitors come from and how many hits I get. You'll see the hit count on the upper right hand corner of the blog.

It was surprisingly easy to install, otherwise I wouldn't be able to do it. Trust me. I can't even figure out my digital camera. If I hadn't been convinced by someone the other day that this whole internet thing was here to stay I would probably use a type writer and post messages on telephone poles to inform folks about Junior/share my various rants.

Speaking of rants: I'm pretty derned grumpy this time of year because of all the clouds. The clouds they are a plentiful.

At any rate, back to my original point: because of this tracking thing (it's free by the way) I have recently learned that I've gotten two international visitors. One from Italy and one from the UK.

I'm cool with those two countries (as if they care what I think). I like pizza and the British always seem to think like we do with respect to the "who we need to dispose of with cool military toys" du jour.

Countries I do not want visitors from:

France: Can't stand 'em, the contrarian cheese eaters

Venezuela: I won't even buy gas at Citgo anymore

California: Can't have my blog Californicated...it is a different country you know?

Mississippi: They don't have the internet down there, so I don't have to worry much

Russia: I hold a grudge from the cold war. Go wait in line to buy some bread.

Iran: This is my personal Jihad against the illicit nuke wielders

N. Korea: Kim Jong Il and I get in a disagreement the other day so the whole country is banned from my blog. That'll show 'em

That's all I can think of now....