Quotes from "Grumpy/Grumpier Old Men"

I really don't sit around and watch movies all day, I swear. However, I did just think about the movie "Grumpy Old Men," which is a classic. In thinking about it, I googled movie quotes and Grumpy Old Men and found this site. There are also quotes from "Grumpier Old Men."

You have to have seen the movies to appreciate some of these but here are some of the quotes. HI-larious, I tell you:

1 says) I see your cat crapped on my newspaper again. 2 replies)Yeah, who says you can't train a cat?

Why don't you do the world a favor and pull your lip over your head - and swallow?

Looks like he's taking the 'ol skinboat to tunatown

I kicked your ass in 1938!

It's colder than a witch's tittie out here!

If my dog was as ugly as you, I’d shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards!

HEEEEEEEEY DICKKKKKHEEAAADDDDD

If I was a strapping young lad like you, I'd be mounting every woman in Wabasha!

Does she have big thighs? No, she doesn't have big thighs. Well, then. What's the problem?

1) I have been to Hawaii! 2) Which island? 1) ComeonIwannalayya.

come-on-I'm-kinda-kinky

I-wanna-take-a-peeky

It's butt cold out here, and I'm fresh outta beer.

1. Moron! 2. Putz!

The man's a menace. Always hanging around those kinky strip bars. You know, the ones where the men take off their clothes.

Watch it bonehead!

Looks like Chuck's taking ole one eye to the optometrist.

Max Goldman:(while watching TV) Oh, shut up, fat-ass!

I rather kiss a dead moose's butt!

1)Kids swallow quarters all the time. 2)Really? 1)Yeah, if she craps out two dimes and a nickel then you can start worrying.

(After being brought a light beer)What the...what the hell is this?
I weigh 90 goddamn pounds and you bring me this slop 'n foam!?
Let me tell you something, Johnny. Every morning I wake up and smoke a cig. and I eat 5 strips of BACON!...
For lunch a bacon sandwich...and for a mid-day snack BACON!! A whole damn plate and I usually drink my dinner

What do you say we go back to my place and I'll show you my man-size manacotti... eh?? Or how about my bony macaroni? Or my fatty alfredo? Or my hard salami? I've got them all...

1)Dad, I wish you'd try the low fat bacon. 2)Well you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one gets filled faster.

He's a regular Don Juan.. no wonder the ladies Don Juan anything to do with him!

You couldn't catch crabs from a ten dollar hooker!

What's the matter beautiful? You're meaner than a dog shittin' tacks.

Jacob: Studying up on your Italian are ya? Thinking of wooing Maria? Max: Nah, just going to curse at her in her own language is all. I think she's a lesbian anyway. Jacob: How would you know? You've never seen a lesbian. Max: DID TOO! Seen 'em on Geraldo.