Why I can't stand the media....

Well, there are a lot of reasons I can't stand the media actually.

First, professional journalism as it is supposed to be taught is dead...if it was ever truly alive. Everyone wants to be a columnist and state their opinion. I don't want your opinion, Geraldo (I say "Geraldo" as a generic term for any journalist out there). I want to know how the cow ate the damned cabbage. I don't want you to tell me in 2 seconds that "the cow ate the cabbage" and then fill me in with your opinion about how there wouldn't be spare cabbage for the cow to eat if it weren't for government subsidies on cabbage creating a cabbage glut in the U.S. when obviously if we were to ship this cabbage to Darfur then genocide would end along with any random toe fungus outbreaks that occur there.

(That was a long sentence and don't ask me where the toe fungus thing came from. I'm tired.)

Second, what happened to putting out unbiased pieces of news? This seems like it would be related to point #1 above, but you can present a piece of news as facts (and not a column/opinion) but bias the facts so far in one direction that it doesn't resemble anything that actually happened. I can't watch the network news. I sure as hell can't watch 60 Minutes (of propaganda). I can only barely stomach some stuff on Fox News but they focus too much on politics, which is a whole different blog entry...I'm so fed up with politics and politicians on both sides that I think I'd rather watch Rosie O'Donnell in a pornographic film co-staring John Bolton's mustache.

Third, unqualified statistics/facts grate on my nerves worse that anything. This isn't limited to the news media. In fact, this may be found even more commonly in advertisements. My latest favorite is a Dodge truck commercial where it brags about how Dodge trucks have over 1,000 precision welds. I guess that's supposed to impress me but I'd be more impressed if they said it had 40,000 welds. 1,000 just doesn't sound like that many when you're holding a couple of tons together.

I'd be even further impressed if they said, "Dodge trucks have 40,000 welds and Chevy Trucks only have 4,000." NOW YOU'VE GOT MY ATTENTION! Simply saying you have 1,000 welds on a truck not only doesn't tell me anything good, it might even imply something bad.

My other favorite in an ad actually has to do with another pickup truck: Ford. You all remember the ad where they brag about the bolts that hold the truck box to the truck cab and then hold up the truck by one bolt? Yeah, they then go on to say that there are FOUR of these bolts holding the cab to the bed? I don't care if those bolts can hold the bed to the cab when the truck is upside down. I really don't. How does this information you've provided me even half-way resemble anything I'm ever going to put that truck through?

Also, do you really want your customers EVEN THINKING ABOUT a cab/box becoming "unwed." Is that a selling point used on the showroom floor?

"Don't worry Pappa, you may think that the seats in this truck suck,"

(editors note: And they do. I've sat in a few F150's and the seats in every one have sucked...why is that? Can't Ford figure out how to build a SEAT after a hundred years?)

"but you don't ever have to worry about that bed falling off. No sir, when you're driving down the road you can rest assured that your rear tires will always follow close behind."

Thanks. I feel all warm and snuggly now.

ESPN had another good example of presenting unqualified facts today. Here's some background: The Pittsburgh Steelers just hired a new head coach and this gentleman happens to be an African American. Well, the BSPN cronies get on the tube and proclaim in an astonished manner, "...and he is the first African American coach in the 78 years of the Steelers organization."

(I don't know how many years it was, but it was a long time)

What they failed to communicate is that the Steelers have only had 2 (maybe 3) coaches in all those years. I want to say it was just two: Knoll and Cowher...but there could be another...At any rate, when you view it from the perspective of the Steelers only having employed 2-3 coaches in the history of the organization, this guy being the first African American doesn't carry as much weight. Of course, they didn't say that now did they?

If I tought journalism, I'd solve these problems. I'd also make sure there were a lot more articles about beef jerky, beer, football, and scantily clothed women....but that's just me.