Wednesday, January 31, 2007
If you hate rediculous "forward this" e-mails
then you'll love this:
CLICK ME
And a random Aggie joke for good measure:
An Arkansas graduate, a Texass U. grad and a Texas Aggie were
sitting in a bar in San Antonio. The view of the river was fantastic, the
beer was ice cold and the food exceptional.
"But," said the guy from Arkansas,"I still prefer the beer joints back in
Fayetteville. There's one place where the owner goes out of his way for the
locals. When you buy 4 beers, he will buy the 5th."
The Longhorn said "Well, at my local bar in Austin, the owner
will buy your 3rd drink after you've bought 2."
"Hell, that's nothin'," the Aggie responded. "Back in College Station
there's this bar where the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy
you a drink and keep them coming all night. Then when you've had enough to
drink, they take you upstairs and see that you get laid. And it's all
on the house."
The Razorback and the Longhorn immediately doubted the Aggie's claims.
"And this actually happened to you?" asked the Arkansas grad.
"No, not me personally," admitted the Aggie. "But it did happen to my sister."
CLICK ME
And a random Aggie joke for good measure:
An Arkansas graduate, a Texass U. grad and a Texas Aggie were
sitting in a bar in San Antonio. The view of the river was fantastic, the
beer was ice cold and the food exceptional.
"But," said the guy from Arkansas,"I still prefer the beer joints back in
Fayetteville. There's one place where the owner goes out of his way for the
locals. When you buy 4 beers, he will buy the 5th."
The Longhorn said "Well, at my local bar in Austin, the owner
will buy your 3rd drink after you've bought 2."
"Hell, that's nothin'," the Aggie responded. "Back in College Station
there's this bar where the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy
you a drink and keep them coming all night. Then when you've had enough to
drink, they take you upstairs and see that you get laid. And it's all
on the house."
The Razorback and the Longhorn immediately doubted the Aggie's claims.
"And this actually happened to you?" asked the Arkansas grad.
"No, not me personally," admitted the Aggie. "But it did happen to my sister."
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
My Crazy Damned Dream
Sometimes I have the craziest damned dreams. Just one time...Just once, I'd like to have (and remember) one of those dreams where I'm in a scene like Happy Gilmore's (for those of you that have seen the movie) happy place.
Picture this: There's a burbling brook in the background. It's a sunny day. Let's say the temperature is in the low 80's just for the sake of argument. There's a big oak tree in the foreground providing just enough shade that you can stretch out and take a nap. Let's also assume fire ants don't exist in this place, alright? Don't ruin the happy place with ants.
Now, as if this happy place wasn't happy enough, in the movie Happy Gilmore also has a midget (midgets..aka...little people...are the coolest people ever. Everything's more fun when an LP is involved) riding a broomstick horse, dressed like a kid in a cowboy outfit. Ok, I might even accept a few fire ants if there was a midget dressed as a cowboy riding a broomstick horse...but wait! It get's better!
In this happy place (again, in the movie) there was also a scantily clad blonde in white lingerie carrying two ice cold pitchers of beer. Well, that's a nice addition, eh? Now, I'm a happily married man, but my wife told me some dude on TV the other day was good looking, so afford me the luxury of being jealous that this fictitious Happy Gilmore feller has a beer toting blonde in lingerie in his happy place.
(sidenote: She also says Junior and I have matching double chins...but the guy on TV didn't have a double chin! What the hell?!??!?!?!?!!!)
WOW! Now that's a happy place. Here's what I get in my dream last night.
I'm sitting around our apartment with my parents and a few other folks. OK, so this is cool so far except for the fact that I'm in our apartment, which happens to be located in The Frozen Tundra (aka...MI). I can get over that. I'm hanging out with my folks and solving the world's problems with them and some other random people.
Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear but Don Shula, former coach of the Miami Dolphins. Holy Crap!! This dream just got better. I get all excited because not only do I get to meet Don Shula, but I get to sit down and discuss football with him. Geez, I'm a happy kid!
Then, just when I'm about to try to segway into a football conversation with Don (Don and I are on a first name basis, you know?), Dad (aka...Grandpa V) and Bailey (aka...our dog) start chasing each other around the apartment. That's right. My dad and dog are running laps around our coffee table, right in the middle of everyone. The dog's barking. Dad's laughing. I'm trying to solve the mysteries of the football universe here, damnit!
So I yell at Dad and Bailey to pipe down. Dad then gets upset and goes in the other room. The Dog is then upset as well and goes to lay down in the corner and whimper. I feel like an unmitigated ass hole. Then, I wake up. What a great feeling to wake up with. You just hurt your dad and dog's feelings. There's no Don Shula in the room. There's certainly no midgets or beer toting, lingerie wearing women. Mamma and Junior are in the nursery. GOD DANGIT!!! WHERE'S DON SHULA!?!?!?
Oh well. I then realize it's 6 AM and time to get up anyway so I go fix my coffee and start the day. I go see Junior and Bahama Mamma. They're doing fine. I drink my coffee, head to work, and all's copasetic...
However, case in point, I want brooks, shade trees, midget cowboys, and beer toting women and all I get is fire ants. Bummer.
Picture this: There's a burbling brook in the background. It's a sunny day. Let's say the temperature is in the low 80's just for the sake of argument. There's a big oak tree in the foreground providing just enough shade that you can stretch out and take a nap. Let's also assume fire ants don't exist in this place, alright? Don't ruin the happy place with ants.
Now, as if this happy place wasn't happy enough, in the movie Happy Gilmore also has a midget (midgets..aka...little people...are the coolest people ever. Everything's more fun when an LP is involved) riding a broomstick horse, dressed like a kid in a cowboy outfit. Ok, I might even accept a few fire ants if there was a midget dressed as a cowboy riding a broomstick horse...but wait! It get's better!
In this happy place (again, in the movie) there was also a scantily clad blonde in white lingerie carrying two ice cold pitchers of beer. Well, that's a nice addition, eh? Now, I'm a happily married man, but my wife told me some dude on TV the other day was good looking, so afford me the luxury of being jealous that this fictitious Happy Gilmore feller has a beer toting blonde in lingerie in his happy place.
(sidenote: She also says Junior and I have matching double chins...but the guy on TV didn't have a double chin! What the hell?!??!?!?!?!!!)
WOW! Now that's a happy place. Here's what I get in my dream last night.
I'm sitting around our apartment with my parents and a few other folks. OK, so this is cool so far except for the fact that I'm in our apartment, which happens to be located in The Frozen Tundra (aka...MI). I can get over that. I'm hanging out with my folks and solving the world's problems with them and some other random people.
Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear but Don Shula, former coach of the Miami Dolphins. Holy Crap!! This dream just got better. I get all excited because not only do I get to meet Don Shula, but I get to sit down and discuss football with him. Geez, I'm a happy kid!
Then, just when I'm about to try to segway into a football conversation with Don (Don and I are on a first name basis, you know?), Dad (aka...Grandpa V) and Bailey (aka...our dog) start chasing each other around the apartment. That's right. My dad and dog are running laps around our coffee table, right in the middle of everyone. The dog's barking. Dad's laughing. I'm trying to solve the mysteries of the football universe here, damnit!
So I yell at Dad and Bailey to pipe down. Dad then gets upset and goes in the other room. The Dog is then upset as well and goes to lay down in the corner and whimper. I feel like an unmitigated ass hole. Then, I wake up. What a great feeling to wake up with. You just hurt your dad and dog's feelings. There's no Don Shula in the room. There's certainly no midgets or beer toting, lingerie wearing women. Mamma and Junior are in the nursery. GOD DANGIT!!! WHERE'S DON SHULA!?!?!?
Oh well. I then realize it's 6 AM and time to get up anyway so I go fix my coffee and start the day. I go see Junior and Bahama Mamma. They're doing fine. I drink my coffee, head to work, and all's copasetic...
However, case in point, I want brooks, shade trees, midget cowboys, and beer toting women and all I get is fire ants. Bummer.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Junior Update and Other Random Tidbits
I'm amazed at how fast these little creatures, referred to as babies, grow. If I don't get to spend a lot of time with him for a couple of days, I SWEAR I can tell he's gotten bigger. His feet, hands, head, legs, EVERYTHING.
He's gotten to be a chunky little thing. Yet another way he takes after his daddy, but I passed chunky a long time ago. Shoot, I'm just trying to get BACK to chunky.
Anyway, he went from chunky when he was born, to skinny, and now back to chunky. He's a good lookin' little feller though.
We're completely out of the newborn outfit business and have moved into the 1-3 month outfits. We're pretty well stuck on 6 ounces per feeding or a little less. Sometimes he'll budge over the 6 ounce mark, but not often.
He's also starting to use his voice more too...and not just for crying! He hasn't recited the Star Spangled Banner yet, or said "Wooo Pig," but we're working on it.
Junior is a Razorback fan, though. We have a mobile above his crib with little, stuffed Razorbacks on it (thanks for the gift!) and Mamma came running in to get me last night to tell me that he was lying there, staring at the Hogs. Good way to score points with Pappa, Junior!
I've got some good pics from when Grandma and Grandpa V were up here that I need to post. I've also got some other pics, and need to take a few more, and put them up here for all to see.
I'll do my best to get on that ASAP.
What else is going on? Well, we're coming down to AR the week of Feb 19th to look at houses. I've been in touch with a local mortgage broker and she ran our credit. No problems there, thankfully. You never know what's going to pop up but I monitor my credit fairly closely and didn't anticipate any problems but, again, you just never know. Thankfully no issues. We're qualified for more house than we would even DREAM of buying. Mamma and I are both pretty conservative when it comes to spending money so we're not going to be moving into a mansion any time soon.
This brings up another point: my clothes are WAY outdated. Not that I've ever been the king of fashion (FAR from it, in fact) but I've got to invest in some clothes when we get back home.
More importantly, I've got to invest in some new hunting gear. I don't have any boots and I'm pretty sure there's a bunch of other stuff I need (read: want). ;-)
I've spent more on Razorback paraphenalia over the past 5 years than I've spent on clothes for work. Guess that shows where my priorities lie, eh?
International visitors: I've gotten a few more international visitors lately. One from the Phillipines and one from Canada. These have to be folks that are just scrolling through blogs b/c I'm certain that there's nothing on this blog that would draw random people in. They don't come back either. Ya'll fereners come back now, ya hear!
He's gotten to be a chunky little thing. Yet another way he takes after his daddy, but I passed chunky a long time ago. Shoot, I'm just trying to get BACK to chunky.
Anyway, he went from chunky when he was born, to skinny, and now back to chunky. He's a good lookin' little feller though.
We're completely out of the newborn outfit business and have moved into the 1-3 month outfits. We're pretty well stuck on 6 ounces per feeding or a little less. Sometimes he'll budge over the 6 ounce mark, but not often.
He's also starting to use his voice more too...and not just for crying! He hasn't recited the Star Spangled Banner yet, or said "Wooo Pig," but we're working on it.
Junior is a Razorback fan, though. We have a mobile above his crib with little, stuffed Razorbacks on it (thanks for the gift!) and Mamma came running in to get me last night to tell me that he was lying there, staring at the Hogs. Good way to score points with Pappa, Junior!
I've got some good pics from when Grandma and Grandpa V were up here that I need to post. I've also got some other pics, and need to take a few more, and put them up here for all to see.
I'll do my best to get on that ASAP.
What else is going on? Well, we're coming down to AR the week of Feb 19th to look at houses. I've been in touch with a local mortgage broker and she ran our credit. No problems there, thankfully. You never know what's going to pop up but I monitor my credit fairly closely and didn't anticipate any problems but, again, you just never know. Thankfully no issues. We're qualified for more house than we would even DREAM of buying. Mamma and I are both pretty conservative when it comes to spending money so we're not going to be moving into a mansion any time soon.
This brings up another point: my clothes are WAY outdated. Not that I've ever been the king of fashion (FAR from it, in fact) but I've got to invest in some clothes when we get back home.
More importantly, I've got to invest in some new hunting gear. I don't have any boots and I'm pretty sure there's a bunch of other stuff I need (read: want). ;-)
I've spent more on Razorback paraphenalia over the past 5 years than I've spent on clothes for work. Guess that shows where my priorities lie, eh?
International visitors: I've gotten a few more international visitors lately. One from the Phillipines and one from Canada. These have to be folks that are just scrolling through blogs b/c I'm certain that there's nothing on this blog that would draw random people in. They don't come back either. Ya'll fereners come back now, ya hear!
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Movie Review
When you live in MI and are not into winter sports, you have to find something to do on these cold, cloudy, snowy weekend days.
Pt #1: If we were going to stay up here, I'd get into winter sports.
Pt #2: If I had had more time while I was up here, I'd have gotten into winter sports.
Pt #3: The winter sport I would most like to have gotten into is ice fishing.
"ICE FISHING?!?!?!?!?" You might say. Yes. Ice fishing. I'm not a high tech fisherman and I haven't even been fishing in YEARS but I would get into ice fishing. Why? You put up a shack out on the ice, put a heater in the shack (as stupid as that sounds), get your snoopy pole (not really...but the poles look like the snoopy poles kids have...in terms of their length anyway), and listen to the radio, watch TV, whatever you have your shack rigged up for. If you choose to imbibe, well that's your perogative.
This reminds me of one of the best movies of all time: "Grumpy Old Men." There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, funnier than old kermudgens hazing each other. The 2nd installation of "Grumpy Old Men," appropriately titled "Grumpier Ole Men," was pretty derned good as well. I might have to put a post up with nothing but quotes from those movies. They're classic.
Anyway, since I didn't get into ice fishing, and Mamma would probably kick my rear if I left her alone with Junior on the weekend while he's at this age, we rented a movie to watch yesterday.
The movie we rented is called, "The Illusionist" and stars Ed Norton, Jessica Biel, and Paul Giamatti. I had to look those up on the movie website so I sound like a halfway competent movie reviewer.
Ed Norton plays this magician/illusionist in 18th century Vienna. Jessica Biel is pretty derned hot. Paul Giamatti, well, I couldn't stop thinking about his character in "Sideways" at first, but I eventually managed to and he did a good job.
I'm no acting conoseur, I'm not even completely sure I spelled conoseur right and I don't really care enough to look it up, but good acting in this movie and GREAT plot. I didn't see the ending coming. Mamma did but thankfully she didn't tell me about it as she usually does.
Ed Norton does a good job in all the stuff he's in.
Did I mention that Jessica Biel is pretty hot?
Go rent it. Oh yeah, one more thing. If you have any spare change, hire some paparazzi to follow Jessica Biel around until she goes to a nude beach. KIDDING!!
(sort of)
Pt #1: If we were going to stay up here, I'd get into winter sports.
Pt #2: If I had had more time while I was up here, I'd have gotten into winter sports.
Pt #3: The winter sport I would most like to have gotten into is ice fishing.
"ICE FISHING?!?!?!?!?" You might say. Yes. Ice fishing. I'm not a high tech fisherman and I haven't even been fishing in YEARS but I would get into ice fishing. Why? You put up a shack out on the ice, put a heater in the shack (as stupid as that sounds), get your snoopy pole (not really...but the poles look like the snoopy poles kids have...in terms of their length anyway), and listen to the radio, watch TV, whatever you have your shack rigged up for. If you choose to imbibe, well that's your perogative.
This reminds me of one of the best movies of all time: "Grumpy Old Men." There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, funnier than old kermudgens hazing each other. The 2nd installation of "Grumpy Old Men," appropriately titled "Grumpier Ole Men," was pretty derned good as well. I might have to put a post up with nothing but quotes from those movies. They're classic.
Anyway, since I didn't get into ice fishing, and Mamma would probably kick my rear if I left her alone with Junior on the weekend while he's at this age, we rented a movie to watch yesterday.
The movie we rented is called, "The Illusionist" and stars Ed Norton, Jessica Biel, and Paul Giamatti. I had to look those up on the movie website so I sound like a halfway competent movie reviewer.
Ed Norton plays this magician/illusionist in 18th century Vienna. Jessica Biel is pretty derned hot. Paul Giamatti, well, I couldn't stop thinking about his character in "Sideways" at first, but I eventually managed to and he did a good job.
I'm no acting conoseur, I'm not even completely sure I spelled conoseur right and I don't really care enough to look it up, but good acting in this movie and GREAT plot. I didn't see the ending coming. Mamma did but thankfully she didn't tell me about it as she usually does.
Ed Norton does a good job in all the stuff he's in.
Did I mention that Jessica Biel is pretty hot?
Go rent it. Oh yeah, one more thing. If you have any spare change, hire some paparazzi to follow Jessica Biel around until she goes to a nude beach. KIDDING!!
(sort of)
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
Well, I'm now finally supporting a family
It's only taken me 30 years to get to a point in my life where I'm actually supporting others (financially anyway, not that I've provided a lot of emotional support to too many folks).
When I graduated I was awarded a post-doctoral position for the spring semester. While the pay certainly isn't going to allow me to take any trips to the Caribbean [sitting at a beach bar, with no clouds, and sipping (read: guzzling) a cool, cool, Red Stripe (or 20) sounds really good right now] it is WAY more than I've ever made in my life. Considering that I only worked for a couple of years in the trucking industry after college, I suppose that isn't saying much. No really. It's not saying much. However, I'm proud of it.
Primarily I'm proud of it b/c I'm supporting my family. Mamma has informed her (former) employer that she will not be returning. Considering said former employer sucks hind tit, it was quite surprising that they were very classy about the whole situation. Mamma took Junior in with her. It's hard to be an ass with a baby around I suppose. Then again, some folks are capable of anything they set their minds to.
Despite the fact that this former employer suckles (note: is suckle the root word of "suck"?) rear boobie (get it: sucks hind tit...Ha! I kill me!), they were kind enough to provide Mamma with a good job for a number of years and, for that, we're appreciative.
However, now that I'm the breadwinner, Mamma better get in the kitchen and fix me some pot pie!
(If you heard that noise, that was Mamma smacking the back of my head.)
When I graduated I was awarded a post-doctoral position for the spring semester. While the pay certainly isn't going to allow me to take any trips to the Caribbean [sitting at a beach bar, with no clouds, and sipping (read: guzzling) a cool, cool, Red Stripe (or 20) sounds really good right now] it is WAY more than I've ever made in my life. Considering that I only worked for a couple of years in the trucking industry after college, I suppose that isn't saying much. No really. It's not saying much. However, I'm proud of it.
Primarily I'm proud of it b/c I'm supporting my family. Mamma has informed her (former) employer that she will not be returning. Considering said former employer sucks hind tit, it was quite surprising that they were very classy about the whole situation. Mamma took Junior in with her. It's hard to be an ass with a baby around I suppose. Then again, some folks are capable of anything they set their minds to.
Despite the fact that this former employer suckles (note: is suckle the root word of "suck"?) rear boobie (get it: sucks hind tit...Ha! I kill me!), they were kind enough to provide Mamma with a good job for a number of years and, for that, we're appreciative.
However, now that I'm the breadwinner, Mamma better get in the kitchen and fix me some pot pie!
(If you heard that noise, that was Mamma smacking the back of my head.)
Thursday, January 25, 2007
I've Figured Out How to NOT Get Peed Upon
I was exchanging e-mails with my cousin's wife (is that my cousin-in-law?) Shannon yesterday. She is a regular reader of this blog and has her own blog as well, which you can find here.
Shannon is a mom of four and has a lot of good tips and stories that you moms out there will really enjoy. I'm sure she appreciates me advertising her blog under the heading of "I've Figured Out How to NOT Get Peed Upon"....
I bet she gets over it. :-)
At any rate, during our e-mail exchange I told Shannon that there are times I wish this blog were anonymous so I could post some politically incorrect thoughts. While age (not that I'm old) has tempered the extent to which I voice my politically incorrect thoughts, that doesn't mean I don't have them anymore. Those of you who have spent any amount of time around me in the past, especially when I've had a few, know that I tend to run my mouth. Sometimes to the detriment of my physical well-being. We'll share those stories at a later date.
At any rate, the following could be perceived as politically incorrect. However, as a parent, things that were once politically incorrect to talk about simply become a matter of standard conversation. In other words, it becomes (more) acceptable to talk about baby's bowel movements, parts, and other various bodily functions that you would not normally talk about if they were your own.
In other words, it would not be acceptable for me to tell you about the last time I sat down on the pot, but it might be funny (if you phrase it correctly) to tell you about the last time Junior dropped a deuce. I'll get to the point of this post eventually, I swear.
First though, let me provide you with a little background having to do with our dog Bailey. As you dog owners know, when you have a puppy there are few things more important than trying to get this puppy to do his/her business outside. Puppies (and some adult dogs, for that matter) are notoriously slow to use the bathroom. Sniff here. Sniff there. Sniff everywhere. This really sucks when it's 10 degrees outside but I digress from my digression.
When Bailey was a puppy, Mamma and I would watch her every move intently when we took her outside b/c 1) it was cold and 2) we wanted her to do her business so she didn't do it in the house. Well, through my (occasionally) keen sense of observation, I learned that when Bailey moved a certain way she was about to "make a deposit" and return her dog food from whence it came. I told Mamma one day that I had "learned the ways of the puppy bunghole."
I could predict a poo coming a good minute or so before the poo actually made its appearance.
I have now learned how to predict when Junior is about to unleash the fury of his pee upon poor, unsuspecting Pappa.
When you take Junior's diaper off, the poor little guy is obviously exposed to the world. By exposed, I mean his ding a ling is out there for all to see. He doesn't seem to care about this. Quite frankly, I've never cared when mine has been exposed for all the world to see either but, again, we'll save those stories for a later date. I guess he takes after his daddy.
The problem with his ding a ling being exposed, and you standing in front of him, is that baby ding a lings do what baby ding a lings do: hose daddy down like a new new prisoner at Folsom. The trick is to figure out WHEN this is about to happen.
Now, as a Daddy, I've obviously got a ding a ling as well. You would think that after all these years of experience with my own ding a ling I would be able to tell by looking when the ding a ling was about to "serve its purpose" even if I didn't have the ability to tell when my bladder was full. However, this is not the case.
Ding a lings obviously change over time. Afterall, eventually ding a lings don't work anymore. That's why Phizer makes so much money but I think I feel a little dirty bringing erectile disfunction into this so we'll leave that one alone.
I can't tell by looking when my ding a ling is about to serve its purpose, but I CAN tell by looking when Junior's is (and...no....I have not sat and stared at Junior's ding a ling). Think of a snake. Specifically, a cobra. When a cobra is calm it lies on the ground. When a cobra is about to strike it raises up and moves back and forth. Well, baby ding a lings do the same thing when they're about to "strike".
This is what I observed last night right before Junior decided to hose me down. I took his diaper off and was shocked that he was "free-standing" (for lack of a better term). I had no clue what was about to happen...and then it did. He began to pee. My hand moved to grab a Kleenex faster than I would move if I had just grabbed a hot pan out of the oven. I put the Kleenex over Junior's parts. After a few seconds I assumed that Junior would have finished his job. I was wrong. I removed the Kleenex to be greated by "the stream". So I quickly re-covered the "parts" but did so incorrectly. I didn't cover the stream as I had the first time but redirected it such that the stream now flew up toward his head and across the changing table. Let's just say it was a mess, he needed a new outfit, and so did I.
I don't know if my scientific discovery is generalizale to the broader baby population but, for you parents of little boys out there, if you take take your baby's diaper off and see a ding a ling saluting you...that cobra is about to spit in your general direction.
There's a reason Mamma changes most of the diapers around our house.
Shannon is a mom of four and has a lot of good tips and stories that you moms out there will really enjoy. I'm sure she appreciates me advertising her blog under the heading of "I've Figured Out How to NOT Get Peed Upon"....
I bet she gets over it. :-)
At any rate, during our e-mail exchange I told Shannon that there are times I wish this blog were anonymous so I could post some politically incorrect thoughts. While age (not that I'm old) has tempered the extent to which I voice my politically incorrect thoughts, that doesn't mean I don't have them anymore. Those of you who have spent any amount of time around me in the past, especially when I've had a few, know that I tend to run my mouth. Sometimes to the detriment of my physical well-being. We'll share those stories at a later date.
At any rate, the following could be perceived as politically incorrect. However, as a parent, things that were once politically incorrect to talk about simply become a matter of standard conversation. In other words, it becomes (more) acceptable to talk about baby's bowel movements, parts, and other various bodily functions that you would not normally talk about if they were your own.
In other words, it would not be acceptable for me to tell you about the last time I sat down on the pot, but it might be funny (if you phrase it correctly) to tell you about the last time Junior dropped a deuce. I'll get to the point of this post eventually, I swear.
First though, let me provide you with a little background having to do with our dog Bailey. As you dog owners know, when you have a puppy there are few things more important than trying to get this puppy to do his/her business outside. Puppies (and some adult dogs, for that matter) are notoriously slow to use the bathroom. Sniff here. Sniff there. Sniff everywhere. This really sucks when it's 10 degrees outside but I digress from my digression.
When Bailey was a puppy, Mamma and I would watch her every move intently when we took her outside b/c 1) it was cold and 2) we wanted her to do her business so she didn't do it in the house. Well, through my (occasionally) keen sense of observation, I learned that when Bailey moved a certain way she was about to "make a deposit" and return her dog food from whence it came. I told Mamma one day that I had "learned the ways of the puppy bunghole."
I could predict a poo coming a good minute or so before the poo actually made its appearance.
I have now learned how to predict when Junior is about to unleash the fury of his pee upon poor, unsuspecting Pappa.
When you take Junior's diaper off, the poor little guy is obviously exposed to the world. By exposed, I mean his ding a ling is out there for all to see. He doesn't seem to care about this. Quite frankly, I've never cared when mine has been exposed for all the world to see either but, again, we'll save those stories for a later date. I guess he takes after his daddy.
The problem with his ding a ling being exposed, and you standing in front of him, is that baby ding a lings do what baby ding a lings do: hose daddy down like a new new prisoner at Folsom. The trick is to figure out WHEN this is about to happen.
Now, as a Daddy, I've obviously got a ding a ling as well. You would think that after all these years of experience with my own ding a ling I would be able to tell by looking when the ding a ling was about to "serve its purpose" even if I didn't have the ability to tell when my bladder was full. However, this is not the case.
Ding a lings obviously change over time. Afterall, eventually ding a lings don't work anymore. That's why Phizer makes so much money but I think I feel a little dirty bringing erectile disfunction into this so we'll leave that one alone.
I can't tell by looking when my ding a ling is about to serve its purpose, but I CAN tell by looking when Junior's is (and...no....I have not sat and stared at Junior's ding a ling). Think of a snake. Specifically, a cobra. When a cobra is calm it lies on the ground. When a cobra is about to strike it raises up and moves back and forth. Well, baby ding a lings do the same thing when they're about to "strike".
This is what I observed last night right before Junior decided to hose me down. I took his diaper off and was shocked that he was "free-standing" (for lack of a better term). I had no clue what was about to happen...and then it did. He began to pee. My hand moved to grab a Kleenex faster than I would move if I had just grabbed a hot pan out of the oven. I put the Kleenex over Junior's parts. After a few seconds I assumed that Junior would have finished his job. I was wrong. I removed the Kleenex to be greated by "the stream". So I quickly re-covered the "parts" but did so incorrectly. I didn't cover the stream as I had the first time but redirected it such that the stream now flew up toward his head and across the changing table. Let's just say it was a mess, he needed a new outfit, and so did I.
I don't know if my scientific discovery is generalizale to the broader baby population but, for you parents of little boys out there, if you take take your baby's diaper off and see a ding a ling saluting you...that cobra is about to spit in your general direction.
There's a reason Mamma changes most of the diapers around our house.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
LSU Fans Smell Like Corn Dogs
This Hi-larious bit of real world observation taken from the following link:
http://www.2daves.org/lag/corndogs.html
Read and enjoy.
_____________________________________
LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.
Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.
LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.
I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something
better said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid.
I am afraid that they'll know I said it. I'll walk past an LSU fan
someday, and he'll see that look in my eye that gives it away.
That look that says, "gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?"
The next thing you know, I'll have flat tires on my car.
If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU
fans how they smell - you know, like corn dogs.
LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue.
I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you
attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell
like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, "Wow, LSU sure does
have a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game."
It's hard. I know. It's like when you're having sex and you try to
think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming.
It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or
whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: "Gee, I
wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like
a corn dog?"; or "Is this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying
to make me think it is a real person?" or "What did that giant corn dog
just say?" or "Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly
like corn dogs smell?" or, of course, after a silencer:
"Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?"
Heck, after what I've heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better
not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are
nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. That's okay.
You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them.
They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But
don't be obvious about it. Somehow they know you're trying not to
breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. They'll likely
punch you for that if they catch on to what you're doing.
If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it'll permeate your whole
body, and then you'll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But
don't say, "Dang, now I smell like a corn dog." They take offense to
that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff.
Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get
stitches or something. Just don't say it. If you do start smelling like
a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay?
I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your
kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around
town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and
sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in
their expression - indicating they smell corn dogs - might get a wrench
or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that's
dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as
you drive - on some other weekend
I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog
stuff. What puzzles me most is that I've never actually seen any of
these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe there's no
mystery there - maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows?
Maybe there's a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there.
Maybe, there's a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume.
Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply -
kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird.
The big political issue during the city election is whether they should
add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Don't comment on it
though. It's not politically correct over there. It's like a
malnutrition issue or something. It's like the corn dogs are probably
added to the water to prevent starvation or something.
I know when you go to Baton Rouge, you're thinking: "Ahhhh. Here I am
in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I'll bet the people here smell just like
boiled crawfish or shrimp etoufe' or some fancy Cajun food." But just
stop thinking that. That's just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.
In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn
dog odor. And don't try masking the odor with something stronger.
They'll curse at you. They'll say something like: "WTF, how dare you
smoke a cigar in my home," or "WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of
corn dogs?" and they'll cuss out your kids too: "WTF!!! Little Mister
fancy pants over here acts like he doesn't want to smell like corn dogs."
Cajuns are not like us. Don't you see that, yet? They are really
sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know
they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all.
I know, I know. We sniff the bammers and the UGA dawgs and the Ole
messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don't press
your luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Don't refer to Death Valley as corn
dog valley either. I mean that's just wrong. Even if you've been
drinking, they'll beat you up and curse out your kids.
Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction -
even if you're laughing about something else. Like baseball or football,
or sex or whatever. If you can't control yourself and you must laugh
though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their
corn dog body odor from a distance or that you're choking on it or
something. They'll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus
building over just one snort.
So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each
other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams.
You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed
my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this
Saturday. Okay? Get your corn dog jollies at home.
Enough with this corn dog talk. Let's play ball...
http://www.2daves.org/lag/corndogs.html
Read and enjoy.
_____________________________________
LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.
Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.
LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.
I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something
better said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid.
I am afraid that they'll know I said it. I'll walk past an LSU fan
someday, and he'll see that look in my eye that gives it away.
That look that says, "gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?"
The next thing you know, I'll have flat tires on my car.
If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU
fans how they smell - you know, like corn dogs.
LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue.
I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you
attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell
like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, "Wow, LSU sure does
have a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game."
It's hard. I know. It's like when you're having sex and you try to
think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming.
It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or
whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: "Gee, I
wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like
a corn dog?"; or "Is this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying
to make me think it is a real person?" or "What did that giant corn dog
just say?" or "Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly
like corn dogs smell?" or, of course, after a silencer:
"Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?"
Heck, after what I've heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better
not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are
nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. That's okay.
You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them.
They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But
don't be obvious about it. Somehow they know you're trying not to
breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. They'll likely
punch you for that if they catch on to what you're doing.
If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it'll permeate your whole
body, and then you'll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But
don't say, "Dang, now I smell like a corn dog." They take offense to
that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff.
Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get
stitches or something. Just don't say it. If you do start smelling like
a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay?
I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your
kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around
town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and
sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in
their expression - indicating they smell corn dogs - might get a wrench
or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that's
dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as
you drive - on some other weekend
I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog
stuff. What puzzles me most is that I've never actually seen any of
these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe there's no
mystery there - maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows?
Maybe there's a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there.
Maybe, there's a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume.
Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply -
kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird.
The big political issue during the city election is whether they should
add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Don't comment on it
though. It's not politically correct over there. It's like a
malnutrition issue or something. It's like the corn dogs are probably
added to the water to prevent starvation or something.
I know when you go to Baton Rouge, you're thinking: "Ahhhh. Here I am
in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I'll bet the people here smell just like
boiled crawfish or shrimp etoufe' or some fancy Cajun food." But just
stop thinking that. That's just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.
In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn
dog odor. And don't try masking the odor with something stronger.
They'll curse at you. They'll say something like: "WTF, how dare you
smoke a cigar in my home," or "WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of
corn dogs?" and they'll cuss out your kids too: "WTF!!! Little Mister
fancy pants over here acts like he doesn't want to smell like corn dogs."
Cajuns are not like us. Don't you see that, yet? They are really
sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know
they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all.
I know, I know. We sniff the bammers and the UGA dawgs and the Ole
messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don't press
your luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Don't refer to Death Valley as corn
dog valley either. I mean that's just wrong. Even if you've been
drinking, they'll beat you up and curse out your kids.
Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction -
even if you're laughing about something else. Like baseball or football,
or sex or whatever. If you can't control yourself and you must laugh
though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their
corn dog body odor from a distance or that you're choking on it or
something. They'll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus
building over just one snort.
So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each
other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams.
You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed
my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this
Saturday. Okay? Get your corn dog jollies at home.
Enough with this corn dog talk. Let's play ball...
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
International Visitors
A friend of mine told me I'm a computer geek the other night because I installed a tracker thing on this blog to see where the visitors come from and how many hits I get. You'll see the hit count on the upper right hand corner of the blog.
It was surprisingly easy to install, otherwise I wouldn't be able to do it. Trust me. I can't even figure out my digital camera. If I hadn't been convinced by someone the other day that this whole internet thing was here to stay I would probably use a type writer and post messages on telephone poles to inform folks about Junior/share my various rants.
Speaking of rants: I'm pretty derned grumpy this time of year because of all the clouds. The clouds they are a plentiful.
At any rate, back to my original point: because of this tracking thing (it's free by the way) I have recently learned that I've gotten two international visitors. One from Italy and one from the UK.
I'm cool with those two countries (as if they care what I think). I like pizza and the British always seem to think like we do with respect to the "who we need to dispose of with cool military toys" du jour.
Countries I do not want visitors from:
France: Can't stand 'em, the contrarian cheese eaters
Venezuela: I won't even buy gas at Citgo anymore
California: Can't have my blog Californicated...it is a different country you know?
Mississippi: They don't have the internet down there, so I don't have to worry much
Russia: I hold a grudge from the cold war. Go wait in line to buy some bread.
Iran: This is my personal Jihad against the illicit nuke wielders
N. Korea: Kim Jong Il and I get in a disagreement the other day so the whole country is banned from my blog. That'll show 'em
That's all I can think of now....
It was surprisingly easy to install, otherwise I wouldn't be able to do it. Trust me. I can't even figure out my digital camera. If I hadn't been convinced by someone the other day that this whole internet thing was here to stay I would probably use a type writer and post messages on telephone poles to inform folks about Junior/share my various rants.
Speaking of rants: I'm pretty derned grumpy this time of year because of all the clouds. The clouds they are a plentiful.
At any rate, back to my original point: because of this tracking thing (it's free by the way) I have recently learned that I've gotten two international visitors. One from Italy and one from the UK.
I'm cool with those two countries (as if they care what I think). I like pizza and the British always seem to think like we do with respect to the "who we need to dispose of with cool military toys" du jour.
Countries I do not want visitors from:
France: Can't stand 'em, the contrarian cheese eaters
Venezuela: I won't even buy gas at Citgo anymore
California: Can't have my blog Californicated...it is a different country you know?
Mississippi: They don't have the internet down there, so I don't have to worry much
Russia: I hold a grudge from the cold war. Go wait in line to buy some bread.
Iran: This is my personal Jihad against the illicit nuke wielders
N. Korea: Kim Jong Il and I get in a disagreement the other day so the whole country is banned from my blog. That'll show 'em
That's all I can think of now....
Monday, January 22, 2007
Why I can't stand the media....
Well, there are a lot of reasons I can't stand the media actually.
First, professional journalism as it is supposed to be taught is dead...if it was ever truly alive. Everyone wants to be a columnist and state their opinion. I don't want your opinion, Geraldo (I say "Geraldo" as a generic term for any journalist out there). I want to know how the cow ate the damned cabbage. I don't want you to tell me in 2 seconds that "the cow ate the cabbage" and then fill me in with your opinion about how there wouldn't be spare cabbage for the cow to eat if it weren't for government subsidies on cabbage creating a cabbage glut in the U.S. when obviously if we were to ship this cabbage to Darfur then genocide would end along with any random toe fungus outbreaks that occur there.
(That was a long sentence and don't ask me where the toe fungus thing came from. I'm tired.)
Second, what happened to putting out unbiased pieces of news? This seems like it would be related to point #1 above, but you can present a piece of news as facts (and not a column/opinion) but bias the facts so far in one direction that it doesn't resemble anything that actually happened. I can't watch the network news. I sure as hell can't watch 60 Minutes (of propaganda). I can only barely stomach some stuff on Fox News but they focus too much on politics, which is a whole different blog entry...I'm so fed up with politics and politicians on both sides that I think I'd rather watch Rosie O'Donnell in a pornographic film co-staring John Bolton's mustache.
Third, unqualified statistics/facts grate on my nerves worse that anything. This isn't limited to the news media. In fact, this may be found even more commonly in advertisements. My latest favorite is a Dodge truck commercial where it brags about how Dodge trucks have over 1,000 precision welds. I guess that's supposed to impress me but I'd be more impressed if they said it had 40,000 welds. 1,000 just doesn't sound like that many when you're holding a couple of tons together.
I'd be even further impressed if they said, "Dodge trucks have 40,000 welds and Chevy Trucks only have 4,000." NOW YOU'VE GOT MY ATTENTION! Simply saying you have 1,000 welds on a truck not only doesn't tell me anything good, it might even imply something bad.
My other favorite in an ad actually has to do with another pickup truck: Ford. You all remember the ad where they brag about the bolts that hold the truck box to the truck cab and then hold up the truck by one bolt? Yeah, they then go on to say that there are FOUR of these bolts holding the cab to the bed? I don't care if those bolts can hold the bed to the cab when the truck is upside down. I really don't. How does this information you've provided me even half-way resemble anything I'm ever going to put that truck through?
Also, do you really want your customers EVEN THINKING ABOUT a cab/box becoming "unwed." Is that a selling point used on the showroom floor?
"Don't worry Pappa, you may think that the seats in this truck suck,"
(editors note: And they do. I've sat in a few F150's and the seats in every one have sucked...why is that? Can't Ford figure out how to build a SEAT after a hundred years?)
"but you don't ever have to worry about that bed falling off. No sir, when you're driving down the road you can rest assured that your rear tires will always follow close behind."
Thanks. I feel all warm and snuggly now.
ESPN had another good example of presenting unqualified facts today. Here's some background: The Pittsburgh Steelers just hired a new head coach and this gentleman happens to be an African American. Well, the BSPN cronies get on the tube and proclaim in an astonished manner, "...and he is the first African American coach in the 78 years of the Steelers organization."
(I don't know how many years it was, but it was a long time)
What they failed to communicate is that the Steelers have only had 2 (maybe 3) coaches in all those years. I want to say it was just two: Knoll and Cowher...but there could be another...At any rate, when you view it from the perspective of the Steelers only having employed 2-3 coaches in the history of the organization, this guy being the first African American doesn't carry as much weight. Of course, they didn't say that now did they?
If I tought journalism, I'd solve these problems. I'd also make sure there were a lot more articles about beef jerky, beer, football, and scantily clothed women....but that's just me.
First, professional journalism as it is supposed to be taught is dead...if it was ever truly alive. Everyone wants to be a columnist and state their opinion. I don't want your opinion, Geraldo (I say "Geraldo" as a generic term for any journalist out there). I want to know how the cow ate the damned cabbage. I don't want you to tell me in 2 seconds that "the cow ate the cabbage" and then fill me in with your opinion about how there wouldn't be spare cabbage for the cow to eat if it weren't for government subsidies on cabbage creating a cabbage glut in the U.S. when obviously if we were to ship this cabbage to Darfur then genocide would end along with any random toe fungus outbreaks that occur there.
(That was a long sentence and don't ask me where the toe fungus thing came from. I'm tired.)
Second, what happened to putting out unbiased pieces of news? This seems like it would be related to point #1 above, but you can present a piece of news as facts (and not a column/opinion) but bias the facts so far in one direction that it doesn't resemble anything that actually happened. I can't watch the network news. I sure as hell can't watch 60 Minutes (of propaganda). I can only barely stomach some stuff on Fox News but they focus too much on politics, which is a whole different blog entry...I'm so fed up with politics and politicians on both sides that I think I'd rather watch Rosie O'Donnell in a pornographic film co-staring John Bolton's mustache.
Third, unqualified statistics/facts grate on my nerves worse that anything. This isn't limited to the news media. In fact, this may be found even more commonly in advertisements. My latest favorite is a Dodge truck commercial where it brags about how Dodge trucks have over 1,000 precision welds. I guess that's supposed to impress me but I'd be more impressed if they said it had 40,000 welds. 1,000 just doesn't sound like that many when you're holding a couple of tons together.
I'd be even further impressed if they said, "Dodge trucks have 40,000 welds and Chevy Trucks only have 4,000." NOW YOU'VE GOT MY ATTENTION! Simply saying you have 1,000 welds on a truck not only doesn't tell me anything good, it might even imply something bad.
My other favorite in an ad actually has to do with another pickup truck: Ford. You all remember the ad where they brag about the bolts that hold the truck box to the truck cab and then hold up the truck by one bolt? Yeah, they then go on to say that there are FOUR of these bolts holding the cab to the bed? I don't care if those bolts can hold the bed to the cab when the truck is upside down. I really don't. How does this information you've provided me even half-way resemble anything I'm ever going to put that truck through?
Also, do you really want your customers EVEN THINKING ABOUT a cab/box becoming "unwed." Is that a selling point used on the showroom floor?
"Don't worry Pappa, you may think that the seats in this truck suck,"
(editors note: And they do. I've sat in a few F150's and the seats in every one have sucked...why is that? Can't Ford figure out how to build a SEAT after a hundred years?)
"but you don't ever have to worry about that bed falling off. No sir, when you're driving down the road you can rest assured that your rear tires will always follow close behind."
Thanks. I feel all warm and snuggly now.
ESPN had another good example of presenting unqualified facts today. Here's some background: The Pittsburgh Steelers just hired a new head coach and this gentleman happens to be an African American. Well, the BSPN cronies get on the tube and proclaim in an astonished manner, "...and he is the first African American coach in the 78 years of the Steelers organization."
(I don't know how many years it was, but it was a long time)
What they failed to communicate is that the Steelers have only had 2 (maybe 3) coaches in all those years. I want to say it was just two: Knoll and Cowher...but there could be another...At any rate, when you view it from the perspective of the Steelers only having employed 2-3 coaches in the history of the organization, this guy being the first African American doesn't carry as much weight. Of course, they didn't say that now did they?
If I tought journalism, I'd solve these problems. I'd also make sure there were a lot more articles about beef jerky, beer, football, and scantily clothed women....but that's just me.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Thanks Grandma and Grandpa V!!!
Grandma and Grandpa V left yesterday. A good time was had by all. Gsquared V arrived Thursday and spent all Thursday afternoon and evening with Junior. Friday, Gsquared V came over in the late morning and spent all afternoon and evening with Junior...in fact, they didn't go back to the hotel until about midmight!
"Why so late?" you may ask. Well, Gsquared V watched Junior while Mamma and Pappa went out on a date. We had a nice dinner and watched a movie ("Blood Diamond"...not a bad flick). Mamma was about to need HER diaper changed if we didn't get home to Junior EXTREMELY FAST after the movie was over. She missed him.
Gsquared V then stayed until Saturday afternoon and left to head back to God's Country.
So, the inhabitants of the Root Household raise a glass to Abuela and Abuelo V (thought I'd through a little "south of the border" flavor in here)for coming to MI to see us!!
On a side note: The Root Household will be home in 3 weeks to look for houses.
This is Pappa, signing out.
"Why so late?" you may ask. Well, Gsquared V watched Junior while Mamma and Pappa went out on a date. We had a nice dinner and watched a movie ("Blood Diamond"...not a bad flick). Mamma was about to need HER diaper changed if we didn't get home to Junior EXTREMELY FAST after the movie was over. She missed him.
Gsquared V then stayed until Saturday afternoon and left to head back to God's Country.
So, the inhabitants of the Root Household raise a glass to Abuela and Abuelo V (thought I'd through a little "south of the border" flavor in here)for coming to MI to see us!!
On a side note: The Root Household will be home in 3 weeks to look for houses.
This is Pappa, signing out.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Grandparents
Grandma and Grandpa V have arrived in MI!!! Mamma and I are very thankful that we both have parents who care enough about us and Junior to spend time in MI in the WINTER!!
Folks like that are hard to find!
Folks like that are hard to find!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
State of the Razorback Nation
I normally don't read Wally Smalls, but he hit the nail on the head this morning. Consider the following:
Nutt expects his assistants to tell him when they're being considered for another job. He expects honesty and a forthright demeanor from those under his employ. He didn't afford Gus the same luxury.
It has been confirmed by others beside Wally that Nutt began the search for another OC prior to Gus leaving. It has been confirmed that Nutt didn't tell Gus he was making this move. This is dishonest and does not promote a team atmosphere.
In my job, if I learned that my boss was looking for someone who would take part of my duties away and didn't tell me/explain to me he was doing this, I'd pack my bags too. Nutt screwed up.
This whole thing is more than just Gus leaving. It's more than just Mustain leaving. It's more than losing Kodi. It's more than (soon to happen) losing Ziemba, which by the way is going to send another shockwave through the Razorback Nation. This is about an athletic program that has run amok in its efforts to sell tickets.
Make no mistake: Gus wasn't hired b/c anyone thought he would help win games in the short term. I don't even believe that JFB and Lindsey thought that. Gus was hired to get the Springdale kids. This hire was forced on Nutt and that was a mistake. In hindsight, you could see this disaster coming for a year now. You don't force a coach to hire an OC with a different offensive philosophy than his own. JFB screwed up.
The Springdale parents are at fault here too, but that probably goes without saying. Their failure to not hover over their kids every move, and their unrealistic expectations of the coaching staff's offensive gameplan, is almost sick and twisted. However, they were made promises about the program their kids were signing with. These promises didn't come true and I doubt effort was expended on the part of the head coach to explain to them why these promises didn't come to fruition. This led to the parents meeting with JFB. Not a good move, but the deeper I get into this the more I understand it. They didn't trust Nutt. I'm sure these parents spoke with Gus. Gus probably didn't have much motivation to alleive their fears as he was lied to, chastized, and ostracized during his time at UA. Would you have much motivation to defend those who had
done this to you? I wouldn't.
This isn't about national perception either. In light of the Springdale parents, the national media isn't going to skewer the UA program. That doesn't mean the national media shouldn't dig deeper and let the skewer-ing commence.
JFB and Lindsey promised Gus he would have control of the offense. That control was essentially taken away a few games into the season. JFB and Lindsey never should have made this promise.
Nutt et al. promised the Springdale kids they were going to run the Springdale offense. They knew this wasn't true. They knew they didn't have the talent at QB to run it and they knew a Frosh QB wasn't going to survive in the SEC. They made this promise to get those kids. Telling kids what they want to hear in the recruiting process is one thing. Outright lying about completely making over your offense is another.
Now, I don't fault Nutt et al. for not allowing Gus to run his offense as much as I fault them for lying about allowing Gus to run his offense. What fool would run a heavily QB dependent offense when you have little experience at QB and two AA's at TB? I would have run the same offense they did. I fault Nutt et al. for lying to Gus and the Springdale kids/parents about it.
However, Nutt was in a no win situation here. He could NOT hire Gus. He could be COMPLETELY honest with Gus and the Springdale kids. He also could have lost all of those kids and this meltdown would have occurred last year. However, Nutt understandably wanted to keep his job so he bent to his boss(es) wishes, hired Malzahn under false pretenses, recruited the Springdale kids under false pretenses, and hoped everything would work out in the end.
It didn't.
In summary:
1. JFB and Lyndsey never should have forced Nutt to hire Gus, but they wanted to sell tickets. They also never should have lied to Gus about the direction he would be allowed to take with the offense. Afterall, JFB himself told the Springdale parents that the Head Coach has the right to set the direction of the football program. Does this not run counter to them promising parents what the direction of the football program would be?
2. Nutt was in a no win situation, but he should have stuck to his guns. He never should have allowed JFB and Lyndsey to force him to hire Gus. He never should have lied to the Springdale kids and parents. He probably would have lost his job for doing so, but at least he would have done the right thing. Again, he knew they were going to be a run oriented offense this year and he didn't have the experience at QB to run a complicated passing offense. He lied to save his job in the short term.
3. The Springdale parents are insane but I think I can sympathize with them. However, they didn't do their kids any favors by speaking with the media and scheduling meetings with the AD. To a degree I understand. They didn't trust Nutt. However, PR experts they are not. Their PR failures did nothing to help their kids or the program.
4. I don't know if Hog fans perception of their program will ever truly recover under the current leadership. I have lost faith in JFB and Nutt's ethics and management style and I don't think I'm part of only 5%.
We can look to the future. We can say, "Well, hire a good offensive coordinator and everything is fine." We can say that. However, we're treating the symptoms and not the sickness.
Nutt expects his assistants to tell him when they're being considered for another job. He expects honesty and a forthright demeanor from those under his employ. He didn't afford Gus the same luxury.
It has been confirmed by others beside Wally that Nutt began the search for another OC prior to Gus leaving. It has been confirmed that Nutt didn't tell Gus he was making this move. This is dishonest and does not promote a team atmosphere.
In my job, if I learned that my boss was looking for someone who would take part of my duties away and didn't tell me/explain to me he was doing this, I'd pack my bags too. Nutt screwed up.
This whole thing is more than just Gus leaving. It's more than just Mustain leaving. It's more than losing Kodi. It's more than (soon to happen) losing Ziemba, which by the way is going to send another shockwave through the Razorback Nation. This is about an athletic program that has run amok in its efforts to sell tickets.
Make no mistake: Gus wasn't hired b/c anyone thought he would help win games in the short term. I don't even believe that JFB and Lindsey thought that. Gus was hired to get the Springdale kids. This hire was forced on Nutt and that was a mistake. In hindsight, you could see this disaster coming for a year now. You don't force a coach to hire an OC with a different offensive philosophy than his own. JFB screwed up.
The Springdale parents are at fault here too, but that probably goes without saying. Their failure to not hover over their kids every move, and their unrealistic expectations of the coaching staff's offensive gameplan, is almost sick and twisted. However, they were made promises about the program their kids were signing with. These promises didn't come true and I doubt effort was expended on the part of the head coach to explain to them why these promises didn't come to fruition. This led to the parents meeting with JFB. Not a good move, but the deeper I get into this the more I understand it. They didn't trust Nutt. I'm sure these parents spoke with Gus. Gus probably didn't have much motivation to alleive their fears as he was lied to, chastized, and ostracized during his time at UA. Would you have much motivation to defend those who had
done this to you? I wouldn't.
This isn't about national perception either. In light of the Springdale parents, the national media isn't going to skewer the UA program. That doesn't mean the national media shouldn't dig deeper and let the skewer-ing commence.
JFB and Lindsey promised Gus he would have control of the offense. That control was essentially taken away a few games into the season. JFB and Lindsey never should have made this promise.
Nutt et al. promised the Springdale kids they were going to run the Springdale offense. They knew this wasn't true. They knew they didn't have the talent at QB to run it and they knew a Frosh QB wasn't going to survive in the SEC. They made this promise to get those kids. Telling kids what they want to hear in the recruiting process is one thing. Outright lying about completely making over your offense is another.
Now, I don't fault Nutt et al. for not allowing Gus to run his offense as much as I fault them for lying about allowing Gus to run his offense. What fool would run a heavily QB dependent offense when you have little experience at QB and two AA's at TB? I would have run the same offense they did. I fault Nutt et al. for lying to Gus and the Springdale kids/parents about it.
However, Nutt was in a no win situation here. He could NOT hire Gus. He could be COMPLETELY honest with Gus and the Springdale kids. He also could have lost all of those kids and this meltdown would have occurred last year. However, Nutt understandably wanted to keep his job so he bent to his boss(es) wishes, hired Malzahn under false pretenses, recruited the Springdale kids under false pretenses, and hoped everything would work out in the end.
It didn't.
In summary:
1. JFB and Lyndsey never should have forced Nutt to hire Gus, but they wanted to sell tickets. They also never should have lied to Gus about the direction he would be allowed to take with the offense. Afterall, JFB himself told the Springdale parents that the Head Coach has the right to set the direction of the football program. Does this not run counter to them promising parents what the direction of the football program would be?
2. Nutt was in a no win situation, but he should have stuck to his guns. He never should have allowed JFB and Lyndsey to force him to hire Gus. He never should have lied to the Springdale kids and parents. He probably would have lost his job for doing so, but at least he would have done the right thing. Again, he knew they were going to be a run oriented offense this year and he didn't have the experience at QB to run a complicated passing offense. He lied to save his job in the short term.
3. The Springdale parents are insane but I think I can sympathize with them. However, they didn't do their kids any favors by speaking with the media and scheduling meetings with the AD. To a degree I understand. They didn't trust Nutt. However, PR experts they are not. Their PR failures did nothing to help their kids or the program.
4. I don't know if Hog fans perception of their program will ever truly recover under the current leadership. I have lost faith in JFB and Nutt's ethics and management style and I don't think I'm part of only 5%.
We can look to the future. We can say, "Well, hire a good offensive coordinator and everything is fine." We can say that. However, we're treating the symptoms and not the sickness.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Junior is Outgrowing Things
As referenced in the post below regarding our last pediatrician appt, Junior is growing like a weed.
At our first pediatrician appt the doctor said that babies put on 2 ounces per week during this time in their lives (I think it was "per week"). Since he was born Junior has not only put on weight, but has grown in length (up to 22.5 inches if I remember correctly).
In fact, he's started to outgrow some of his newborn outfits. This is very distressing to Mamma. She commented the other day that she wished Junior could "mature" but not grow. Maybe we should try that growth inhibitor stuff those crazy folks recently got press for? Nah. Let the little sucker grow.
The sooner he grows, the sooner he can walk on his own. Of course, the sooner he walks on his own, the sooner he gets into things, but that will give me more to write about. I can see it now:
"Well, Junior has been walking for 3 months now. In fact, he's learned to run. Misty the cat is very distressed about this b/c she is now being chased around the house by a screaming mad man running around like hamster on riddilin (sic)."
That's a funny mental picture, by the way. Can you picture a hamster on stimulants? Like those things aren't hyper enough. If there was a way to do it without being inhumane (or unsanitary) I'd like to get a rodent and turn it loose in the house just so I could watch the cat and dog chase it around. That would be free comedy. I could shut off the cable and internet and just watch that (literal) rat race.
Few things make me laugh like watching Misty bat things around. We sometimes buy those little boxes of raisins. Whenever we're eating one of them (the raisins...not the box itself) the cat jumps up and watches us intently until we finish the box. We then toss the box on the floor and hilarity ensues.
Unfortunately, the hilarity is short lived. The cat has this sadomasichistic habit of knocking her toys UNDER objects that she has no chance of retrieving them from. Thus, we don't buy her toys anymore b/c she only gets to play with them for about 10 seconds each. After 10 seconds, she's batted the toy underneath something (e.g. the stove, entertainment center, etc...). Now, this brings on another fun game: she steps back about 2 feet and takes a running go of throwing herself against the object while simultaneously doing a baseball slide with her front paw/leg to try to reach far enough under the object to retrieve said toy. Of course, this just results in the toy being pushed back fur-ther (get it...FUR....ha!).
Anywhoo, back to Junior:
Junior has also outgrown his bottles. He used to be content taking 2 ounces of food/feeding. Then it bumped up to 3. Then it went up to 4 (the limit of his current bottles). Now he takes 5 or more ounces on a fairly consistent basis. SLOW DOWN THERE, FATTY!
Actually, from a very selfish/pragmatic point of view this is a good thing. The pediatrician indicated that the more the baby eats, the more his stomach expands. The more his stomach expands, the longer he can go between feedings. The longer he can go between feedings, the longer he can sleep without needing to be fed. The longer he can sleep without needing to be fed...well...there are a lot of advantages to not having to be fed every 2 hrs, not the least of which is parental sleep.
I really have no right to complain about lack of sleep now. I still don't get as much as I used to, but Mamma really bares the brunt of it. Since I have to go to work every day, Mamma not only takes care of Junior all day, but all night as well. Further, she never complains about it.
If I had to get up with Junior every two hours, hell, I'd probably start a blog to complain about it. Wait a minute...
At our first pediatrician appt the doctor said that babies put on 2 ounces per week during this time in their lives (I think it was "per week"). Since he was born Junior has not only put on weight, but has grown in length (up to 22.5 inches if I remember correctly).
In fact, he's started to outgrow some of his newborn outfits. This is very distressing to Mamma. She commented the other day that she wished Junior could "mature" but not grow. Maybe we should try that growth inhibitor stuff those crazy folks recently got press for? Nah. Let the little sucker grow.
The sooner he grows, the sooner he can walk on his own. Of course, the sooner he walks on his own, the sooner he gets into things, but that will give me more to write about. I can see it now:
"Well, Junior has been walking for 3 months now. In fact, he's learned to run. Misty the cat is very distressed about this b/c she is now being chased around the house by a screaming mad man running around like hamster on riddilin (sic)."
That's a funny mental picture, by the way. Can you picture a hamster on stimulants? Like those things aren't hyper enough. If there was a way to do it without being inhumane (or unsanitary) I'd like to get a rodent and turn it loose in the house just so I could watch the cat and dog chase it around. That would be free comedy. I could shut off the cable and internet and just watch that (literal) rat race.
Few things make me laugh like watching Misty bat things around. We sometimes buy those little boxes of raisins. Whenever we're eating one of them (the raisins...not the box itself) the cat jumps up and watches us intently until we finish the box. We then toss the box on the floor and hilarity ensues.
Unfortunately, the hilarity is short lived. The cat has this sadomasichistic habit of knocking her toys UNDER objects that she has no chance of retrieving them from. Thus, we don't buy her toys anymore b/c she only gets to play with them for about 10 seconds each. After 10 seconds, she's batted the toy underneath something (e.g. the stove, entertainment center, etc...). Now, this brings on another fun game: she steps back about 2 feet and takes a running go of throwing herself against the object while simultaneously doing a baseball slide with her front paw/leg to try to reach far enough under the object to retrieve said toy. Of course, this just results in the toy being pushed back fur-ther (get it...FUR....ha!).
Anywhoo, back to Junior:
Junior has also outgrown his bottles. He used to be content taking 2 ounces of food/feeding. Then it bumped up to 3. Then it went up to 4 (the limit of his current bottles). Now he takes 5 or more ounces on a fairly consistent basis. SLOW DOWN THERE, FATTY!
Actually, from a very selfish/pragmatic point of view this is a good thing. The pediatrician indicated that the more the baby eats, the more his stomach expands. The more his stomach expands, the longer he can go between feedings. The longer he can go between feedings, the longer he can sleep without needing to be fed. The longer he can sleep without needing to be fed...well...there are a lot of advantages to not having to be fed every 2 hrs, not the least of which is parental sleep.
I really have no right to complain about lack of sleep now. I still don't get as much as I used to, but Mamma really bares the brunt of it. Since I have to go to work every day, Mamma not only takes care of Junior all day, but all night as well. Further, she never complains about it.
If I had to get up with Junior every two hours, hell, I'd probably start a blog to complain about it. Wait a minute...
Monday, January 15, 2007
I'm Confused...Re: Hogs/Malzahn
Gus Malzahn has been hired away from Arkansas as the CO-OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR at TULSA.
Let's stop and take a minute to digest the above:
CO-OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR: He didn't take a step down in terms of schools to become the sole offensive coordinator. He took a step down in schools so he could remain the co-offensive coordinator (few would argue he wasn't getting a lot of help calling plays at AR).
TULSA: He's going from AR to TULSA. Really? Ok...uhh whatever.
As controversial as this may be, I don't think Gus left AR under his own free will. I think he was asked to leave. Why else would he make the move? It's not logical.
Now, this brings up another issue. Houston Nutt has some BIG cajones for running Gus out of town. BIG. HUGE. MASSIVE. Gus was immenently popular in AR. So much so that all the good plays that were run this year were perceived to be Gus' and all the bad ones were perceived to be Houston's.
Let's put another piece of the puzzle together. A couple of years ago when the Hogs needed a defensive coordinator, they FINALLY went out and spent some $$$ to get a top notch guy in Reggie Herring.
Further, it was announced last week that the Hogs had fired their director of football operations in a cost cutting move. Now, Frank has always run a pretty lean department but I've never heard of someone being fired up there to cut costs. I'm sure I'm not privy to all that has gone on, but I've never heard of it.
Could it be, maybe, that the Hogs have made a lucrative offer to a top notch offensive coordinator, fired their director of football operations in order to help pay this guy, and told Gus that he was being demoted or he could leave? Gus, understandably, left.
The other option is that the Hog football program is in such a state of complete disarray under Houston that Gus, a stand up guy by all accounts, pulled a Eddie Sutton and said, "I would have crawled from Fayetteville to Tulsa."
Why does it seem like every football season under HDN there is some kind of drama? Why can't we just be happy with our 10 win season, build off of it in recruiting, start next season as a top 15 team, and make a run at the National Championship? Why?
There have been rumors all season about staff discord, unhappy players, yadda yadda yadda. I've been reluctant to believe it b/c the people spreading these rumors (on the internet primarily) are known malcontents. However, maybe I should reassess who I listen to.
One can only hope that the first schenario I proposed above is true: we finally spent some $$$ and hired a top notch OC. Otherwise, if we go back to the completely unimaginative running game prior to Malzahn with HDN as OC, and we continue to show no improvement in the passing game, I think I'm permanantly off the HDN bandwagon. Enough is enough....unless he wins 10 games again next year. :-)
Disgruntled Pappa signing off.....
UPDATE: Unless something changes, the Hogs are going to hire someone away from an NFL team to serve as the OC. The name is familiar to those of you that follow the Hogs closely. Send me an e-mail for further information but it will be out soon.
Let's stop and take a minute to digest the above:
CO-OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR: He didn't take a step down in terms of schools to become the sole offensive coordinator. He took a step down in schools so he could remain the co-offensive coordinator (few would argue he wasn't getting a lot of help calling plays at AR).
TULSA: He's going from AR to TULSA. Really? Ok...uhh whatever.
As controversial as this may be, I don't think Gus left AR under his own free will. I think he was asked to leave. Why else would he make the move? It's not logical.
Now, this brings up another issue. Houston Nutt has some BIG cajones for running Gus out of town. BIG. HUGE. MASSIVE. Gus was immenently popular in AR. So much so that all the good plays that were run this year were perceived to be Gus' and all the bad ones were perceived to be Houston's.
Let's put another piece of the puzzle together. A couple of years ago when the Hogs needed a defensive coordinator, they FINALLY went out and spent some $$$ to get a top notch guy in Reggie Herring.
Further, it was announced last week that the Hogs had fired their director of football operations in a cost cutting move. Now, Frank has always run a pretty lean department but I've never heard of someone being fired up there to cut costs. I'm sure I'm not privy to all that has gone on, but I've never heard of it.
Could it be, maybe, that the Hogs have made a lucrative offer to a top notch offensive coordinator, fired their director of football operations in order to help pay this guy, and told Gus that he was being demoted or he could leave? Gus, understandably, left.
The other option is that the Hog football program is in such a state of complete disarray under Houston that Gus, a stand up guy by all accounts, pulled a Eddie Sutton and said, "I would have crawled from Fayetteville to Tulsa."
Why does it seem like every football season under HDN there is some kind of drama? Why can't we just be happy with our 10 win season, build off of it in recruiting, start next season as a top 15 team, and make a run at the National Championship? Why?
There have been rumors all season about staff discord, unhappy players, yadda yadda yadda. I've been reluctant to believe it b/c the people spreading these rumors (on the internet primarily) are known malcontents. However, maybe I should reassess who I listen to.
One can only hope that the first schenario I proposed above is true: we finally spent some $$$ and hired a top notch OC. Otherwise, if we go back to the completely unimaginative running game prior to Malzahn with HDN as OC, and we continue to show no improvement in the passing game, I think I'm permanantly off the HDN bandwagon. Enough is enough....unless he wins 10 games again next year. :-)
Disgruntled Pappa signing off.....
UPDATE: Unless something changes, the Hogs are going to hire someone away from an NFL team to serve as the OC. The name is familiar to those of you that follow the Hogs closely. Send me an e-mail for further information but it will be out soon.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
More Grandparents Come to See Junior
Grandma and Grandpa V are going to come up to see Junior this week!!! Mamma, Pappa, and Junior are pretty excited but for somewhat different reasons. Junior's excited b/c he gets to see his grandparents. Pappa and Mamma are excited b/c we get to see our parents/in-laws. Pappa and Mamma are also excited b/c this means the grandparents will help take care of Junior's insatiable needs and Pappa and Mamma can get stuff done. Hallelujia! Praise the Lawd! Can I get an AMEN from the congregation?!?!?!?!
Friday, January 12, 2007
Pediatrician update
Howdy All,
We went to the pediatrician today and Junior checked out A OK. He's up to 10 lbs 1 ounce, up from 8 lbs 6 ounces on December 21. He's also now 22.5 inches.
No problems at all!!!
Best,
Pappa
We went to the pediatrician today and Junior checked out A OK. He's up to 10 lbs 1 ounce, up from 8 lbs 6 ounces on December 21. He's also now 22.5 inches.
No problems at all!!!
Best,
Pappa
AR State Parole Board Resignation
Following are the reasons that an AR State Parole Board Member was forced to resign from his post. This is copy and pasted directly from an article in the ARDEMGAZ found at:
http://www.arkansasonline.com/ShowStoryTemplate.asp?Path=ArDemocrat/2007/01/12&ID=Ar00103&Section=Arkansas
1. Rudeness at parole hearings.
2. Poor treatment of inmates’ families.
3. Taking snacks provided at the hearings and becoming angry if snacks were not available.
4. Routinely hugging a female staff member and patting her buttocks.
5. Informing a female staff member that he has two favorite things, “p***y and p***y.”
6. Photos on his state computer of women and a man in the nude and off-color jokes. One long joke made fun of illegal aliens.
Classic.
EDIT: One of the best/worst thing about this is that this is one of the folks in charge of LETTING PEOPLE OUT OF PRISON!
Pediatrician updates coming later today. Stay tuned.
Pappa
http://www.arkansasonline.com/ShowStoryTemplate.asp?Path=ArDemocrat/2007/01/12&ID=Ar00103&Section=Arkansas
1. Rudeness at parole hearings.
2. Poor treatment of inmates’ families.
3. Taking snacks provided at the hearings and becoming angry if snacks were not available.
4. Routinely hugging a female staff member and patting her buttocks.
5. Informing a female staff member that he has two favorite things, “p***y and p***y.”
6. Photos on his state computer of women and a man in the nude and off-color jokes. One long joke made fun of illegal aliens.
Classic.
EDIT: One of the best/worst thing about this is that this is one of the folks in charge of LETTING PEOPLE OUT OF PRISON!
Pediatrician updates coming later today. Stay tuned.
Pappa
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
You Know You're a Sleep Deprived Parent When...
you go to a website with an advertisment that reads:
"Meet single babes in your town"
but in reading this headline out of the corner of your eye, you read it as:
"Meet single BABIES in your town"
My first thought was something along the lines of, "Huh? Are there married babies? Did I get beamed to some country with arranged marriages? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh......I see it all so clearly now."
Must. Get. Sleep.
"Meet single babes in your town"
but in reading this headline out of the corner of your eye, you read it as:
"Meet single BABIES in your town"
My first thought was something along the lines of, "Huh? Are there married babies? Did I get beamed to some country with arranged marriages? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh......I see it all so clearly now."
Must. Get. Sleep.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
Joke for the Day
An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day.
He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.
He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the
hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a
gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of
whiskey in the other. The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,
saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance.
I just never wanted to."
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well, you old fool,
you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.
When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned
around to go back into the saloon.
The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both
hammers back making a double clicking sound.
The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet.
The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.
The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No. But I've always wanted to."
He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.
He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the
hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a
gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of
whiskey in the other. The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,
saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance.
I just never wanted to."
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well, you old fool,
you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.
When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned
around to go back into the saloon.
The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both
hammers back making a double clicking sound.
The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet.
The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.
The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No. But I've always wanted to."
Just a Reminder
Hey All,
First, I've enjoyed this whole blogging thing more than I thought I would. Part of the reason I like my job is because I get to write for a living and I enjoy writing. This whole blogging thing is just another outlet for writing. OK, I'm a geek I suppose.
Second, I want to say that I also enjoy getting comments/feedback and appreciate those of you who have left comments. It makes this whole thing a little more interactive.
Just a reminder though, if you leave a comment, and you click the "anonymous" button without letting me know who you are, then consequently I have no idea who you are. Funny how that works.
So, 2 points:
1. Feel free to leave as many, or as few, comments as you like.
2. If you're comfortable doing so, be sure to let me know who you are. You obviously don't have to reveal your identity to the world if you don't like but give me a clue if you're comfortable doing so.
One more thing, I'll try to do a better job of responding to the comments too.
Take care,
Pappa
First, I've enjoyed this whole blogging thing more than I thought I would. Part of the reason I like my job is because I get to write for a living and I enjoy writing. This whole blogging thing is just another outlet for writing. OK, I'm a geek I suppose.
Second, I want to say that I also enjoy getting comments/feedback and appreciate those of you who have left comments. It makes this whole thing a little more interactive.
Just a reminder though, if you leave a comment, and you click the "anonymous" button without letting me know who you are, then consequently I have no idea who you are. Funny how that works.
So, 2 points:
1. Feel free to leave as many, or as few, comments as you like.
2. If you're comfortable doing so, be sure to let me know who you are. You obviously don't have to reveal your identity to the world if you don't like but give me a clue if you're comfortable doing so.
One more thing, I'll try to do a better job of responding to the comments too.
Take care,
Pappa
Monday, January 8, 2007
Pet Peeve
You know what my latest pet peeve is? No, you don't, but you're going to find out if you keep reading.
"At the end of the day..."
That's right, the saying, "At the end of the day..."
This saying has gotten COMPLETELY out of hand. People are in love with it.
"At the end of they day, people say 'At the end of the day' ENTIRELY too much and will continue to say it until Pappa throws himself through a window."
"At the end of the day..."
That's right, the saying, "At the end of the day..."
This saying has gotten COMPLETELY out of hand. People are in love with it.
"At the end of they day, people say 'At the end of the day' ENTIRELY too much and will continue to say it until Pappa throws himself through a window."
Had an Ultrasound on Junior's Hips Today
We had an ultrasound on Junior's hips today to see if he's going to have enough swivel in them to play cornerback for the Hogs....Not really.
Well, sort of really. We did have an ultrasound on Junior's hips today. He was breech, hence the c-section, and breech babies commonly have problems with their hips not "setting" properly. If they don't set properly the baby has to wear a brace for a little bit.
However, Junior's hips are fine. Everything turned out great. They have set perfectly.
I guess this means Junior won't be seen pulling a Forrest Gump: running down the road one day with the brace miraculously falling off. Or maybe we could've gotten a "Robo Cop" brace for babies? What this brace would have allowed him to do, I haven't a clue. Maybe get his butt out of the crib and get his own bottle? :-)
Actually, I don't know if I'm looking forward to the stage where Junior has locomotion (wasn't "the locomotion" a cheesy 90's dance tune?). Well, I'm looking forward to first steps and all that jazz but him standing up means he has access to things on top of tables and his head will have access to sharp corners when the inevitable falls occur. Mamma will be on pins and needles for both. We already have problems with Bailey (the dog) and her tail knocking things off tables. That tail is the perfect height to send a drink/picture flying.
Next we're going to put Junior on a treadmill to estimate his time in the 40 yard dash.
Pappa
Well, sort of really. We did have an ultrasound on Junior's hips today. He was breech, hence the c-section, and breech babies commonly have problems with their hips not "setting" properly. If they don't set properly the baby has to wear a brace for a little bit.
However, Junior's hips are fine. Everything turned out great. They have set perfectly.
I guess this means Junior won't be seen pulling a Forrest Gump: running down the road one day with the brace miraculously falling off. Or maybe we could've gotten a "Robo Cop" brace for babies? What this brace would have allowed him to do, I haven't a clue. Maybe get his butt out of the crib and get his own bottle? :-)
Actually, I don't know if I'm looking forward to the stage where Junior has locomotion (wasn't "the locomotion" a cheesy 90's dance tune?). Well, I'm looking forward to first steps and all that jazz but him standing up means he has access to things on top of tables and his head will have access to sharp corners when the inevitable falls occur. Mamma will be on pins and needles for both. We already have problems with Bailey (the dog) and her tail knocking things off tables. That tail is the perfect height to send a drink/picture flying.
Next we're going to put Junior on a treadmill to estimate his time in the 40 yard dash.
Pappa
Saturday, January 6, 2007
The Weirdos of the World
So I decided to look around some of the other blogs on this "Blogger" thing.
Let's break this experience down point by point:
1. There are a bunch of blogs out there, but you probably knew that.
2. There are a bunch of weirdos out there, but you probably knew that as well. Seriously, if you ever find yourself becoming quasi-delusional and thinking that you've met every weirdo there is to meet then you should just search through some blogs.
3. Are people really interested in some of that stuff? There was one blog, no kidding, where a guy gave music reviews. Ok, that's not terribly weird. The weird thing is that he had gone out and purchased thousands of CD's and was doing reviews on them one by one. Even weirder, he had organized the CD's into THE LENGTH OF THEIR CONTENT. For example, one CD has songs whose combined length totals 2 hrs. He would listen to that one before he would listen to one whose combined length totals 1 hr. OOOOOOO K. There are other blogs on insects and other mundane topics that would force me to eat Grape Nuts from a slingshot before spending 5 minutes reading through them.
4. You can guess that there's also some stuff out there you wouldn't want your kids looking at. This brings up another point.
5. I stumbled on this blog written by a (supposedly...all things supposedly) 26 year old girl who blogs about being an "over educated nympho". Granted, "she" is really probably a 56 year old tranvestite sitting in a San Francisco Starbucks, but I digress. People write things on blogs that you KNOW they don't want out there for public consumption....that is to say, consumption by the public that KNOWS WHO THEY ARE. I "selflessly" read through a couple of posts on this girl's blog and there's no way she starts conversations with coworkers by saying, "Hey, you should check out my blog!"...at least not if she wants to keep that job very long. Then again, maybe that would HELP her keep her job in some places. I don't know.
This brings up a couple of ideas in my head.
My roommate in college used to say that there needs to be a people hunting day. On people hunting day we would all get a license to go out and shoot those people who are complete, unadulterated idiots, weirdos, etc... If people hunting day were a reality, there wouldn't be many bloggers left.
This brings me to another point:
We've all heard the saying, "It takes all kinds". Well, it must take all kinds b/c otherwise natural selection would have weeded out some of these folks a looooooooooong time ago.
Let's break this experience down point by point:
1. There are a bunch of blogs out there, but you probably knew that.
2. There are a bunch of weirdos out there, but you probably knew that as well. Seriously, if you ever find yourself becoming quasi-delusional and thinking that you've met every weirdo there is to meet then you should just search through some blogs.
3. Are people really interested in some of that stuff? There was one blog, no kidding, where a guy gave music reviews. Ok, that's not terribly weird. The weird thing is that he had gone out and purchased thousands of CD's and was doing reviews on them one by one. Even weirder, he had organized the CD's into THE LENGTH OF THEIR CONTENT. For example, one CD has songs whose combined length totals 2 hrs. He would listen to that one before he would listen to one whose combined length totals 1 hr. OOOOOOO K. There are other blogs on insects and other mundane topics that would force me to eat Grape Nuts from a slingshot before spending 5 minutes reading through them.
4. You can guess that there's also some stuff out there you wouldn't want your kids looking at. This brings up another point.
5. I stumbled on this blog written by a (supposedly...all things supposedly) 26 year old girl who blogs about being an "over educated nympho". Granted, "she" is really probably a 56 year old tranvestite sitting in a San Francisco Starbucks, but I digress. People write things on blogs that you KNOW they don't want out there for public consumption....that is to say, consumption by the public that KNOWS WHO THEY ARE. I "selflessly" read through a couple of posts on this girl's blog and there's no way she starts conversations with coworkers by saying, "Hey, you should check out my blog!"...at least not if she wants to keep that job very long. Then again, maybe that would HELP her keep her job in some places. I don't know.
This brings up a couple of ideas in my head.
My roommate in college used to say that there needs to be a people hunting day. On people hunting day we would all get a license to go out and shoot those people who are complete, unadulterated idiots, weirdos, etc... If people hunting day were a reality, there wouldn't be many bloggers left.
This brings me to another point:
We've all heard the saying, "It takes all kinds". Well, it must take all kinds b/c otherwise natural selection would have weeded out some of these folks a looooooooooong time ago.
Friday, January 5, 2007
Spiders on Drugs
This is funny stuff. Check it out.
YouTube didn't have that "imbed" feature on this video for whatever reason. You'll have to view it the old fashioned way: cut and paste.
It's worth it. Go look:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc
YouTube didn't have that "imbed" feature on this video for whatever reason. You'll have to view it the old fashioned way: cut and paste.
It's worth it. Go look:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Enough of the Commentary
Everyone is probably growing weary of my pithy commentary since most of you primarily tune in for pics of junior.
I'll see if I can get some new pics of him on here sometime today.
Stay tuned. Same bat time. Same bat channel.
I'll see if I can get some new pics of him on here sometime today.
Stay tuned. Same bat time. Same bat channel.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Mamma's Dentist Visit
Mamma went to the dentist today and, get this, was told that she had a tooth they've been keeping a close watch on, that there was a cavity developing there, and that they would need to fill that cavity soon.
They also said, "You're in the same boat as your husband." ALSO, he said that the tooth with the cavity is in the same general region as the tooth he said I had a cavity on. This guy sucks.
He went on to tell Mamma that I should go ahead and schedule that appt to get my cavity filled. Riiiiigggghhhhht.
However, I was in a vendictive mood today and filed a HIPAA complaint on him for sharing my personal medical information with Mamma. I don't know if spouses are excluded from HIPAA laws, or even if I gave them permission to share information with Mamma, but maybe he'll at least get contacted by someone.
On the other hand, I'm sure the folks at the HIPAA office are looking at my complaint and laughing their respective tails off when they read, "Dentist shared that I have a cavity with my wife." Yeah, that'll be first on their investigative priority list.
Oh well. I feel marginally better and that's all that really counts.
They also said, "You're in the same boat as your husband." ALSO, he said that the tooth with the cavity is in the same general region as the tooth he said I had a cavity on. This guy sucks.
He went on to tell Mamma that I should go ahead and schedule that appt to get my cavity filled. Riiiiigggghhhhht.
However, I was in a vendictive mood today and filed a HIPAA complaint on him for sharing my personal medical information with Mamma. I don't know if spouses are excluded from HIPAA laws, or even if I gave them permission to share information with Mamma, but maybe he'll at least get contacted by someone.
On the other hand, I'm sure the folks at the HIPAA office are looking at my complaint and laughing their respective tails off when they read, "Dentist shared that I have a cavity with my wife." Yeah, that'll be first on their investigative priority list.
Oh well. I feel marginally better and that's all that really counts.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Music, Baby, and Dentist
Behold, the greatest jukebox of all time:
That's right boys and girls, friends and neighbors, this is Maxine's jukebox. Some of the songs have changed since I frequented the place, but most of them are still the same.
I really have no reason for posting that other than I really like that jukebox.
OK, now on to baby stuff. Junior poops, sleeps, cries, pees, and does all of the above most frequently at inconvenient times. Any questions? Ok, so on to my rant:
I went to the dentist today. A seemingly mundane activity to be sure. However, my dentist is a sheister (sic).
Mamma and I have never had any tooth problems (we only have one tooth each so it cuts down on the number of teeth wherein a problem may occur). NEVER. Never had cavities. Never...never...never....Ok, you get the picture. Mamma is downright anal about mouth maintenence (should you really put "anal" and "mouth" in the same sentence?). She brushes 4 times (count 'em...1...2...3...4) a day: 2 x in the morning and 2 x in the evening. Me on the other hand, I'm less anal. I brush once a day, floss semi-regularly, and still have no problems. Never have (did you get that...never had any problems).
Well, the second time Mamma went to our dentist up here she was told that she had about 30 places in her mouth that looked like they were going to develop into cavities. Mamma came home in a foul mood that night (thanks there Mr. Dentist) and informed me that our dentist sucked.
I sided with the dentist and told her that she might just need to brush better (ha ha!). However, the next time I went to see this guy, he told me that I had a molar that had worn down and it needed to be filled before it wore down to the nerve. Ok, I used to grind my teeth as a kid and my back molars are a little worn down so I thought that he could be right.
I go in the day of the "procedure" for my first dental work. I never understood why people hate the dentist...until THAT day. I sit down in the chair and "The Butcher" tells me that he has to take the drill and rough up the tooth a little so the filling stuff will stick. He has to drill little holes in the tooth too. However, he says that he doesn't think he's going to have to go that deep. Therefore, he's not going to numb my mouth.
I think this sounds pretty good b/c I hate needles. So he begins and promptly drills right into a nerve. I jump and remember looking up at him and deciding I would probably get sued if I got up and broke his jaw....but it would be really ironic.
He apologizes, gives me a shot, and continues. No harm no foul I suppose.
Mamma then talks to a co-worker of hers who tells her that she used to go to "The Butcher" but switched to another dentist b/c "The Butcher" said that she needed a lot of work done. When she went to the other dentist, she was informed that her teeth were fine.
Needless to say, this got us thinking.
Long story longer: I go back to "The Butcher" today and get my teeth cleaned by the hygenist. She tells me that my teeth look great. No problems! Everything is fine! "The Butcher" comes in and tells me I have a cavity and he recommends I have it filled. Now, this is my first cavity. I have no pain in my mouth. No problems.
I ask him, "What tooth?"
He stammers for a split second and says, "The top, far back left tooth."
"I don't have any pain." I say.
He replies, "I'm just tring to get it done before you start having pain. It's preventative."
Let me tell you something, mofo: YOU DON'T DRILL PREVENTATIVELY! That's like having your appendix removed preventatively b/c you MIGHT get appendicitis.
Let's suppose for the sake of argument that there actually is a cavity there. You're saying I should let you drill so that I prevent the pain of the cavity when it gets worse? Perhaps you forgot the Mikita you took to my mouth last year without numbing me first!
Now, what's more likely is that there is NOT a cavity there. In talking with Mamma afterwards we recalled that we have only once had someone else in the waiting room with us while awaiting our appt time. Further, every time I've been there I've heard someone getting drilled on in another room while the hygenist was cleaning my teeth (tooth). This guy runs a low volume, high profit job shop! What a great deal for him. He doesn't have the stress of seeing that many patients and he just power tools away on as many as he possibly can.
Really, why see 100 patients to make $50,000 when you can see 50 patients and make $50,000. Ethics be damned!
So anyway, I'm almost about to laugh in his face and he asks me what I'm thinking. I tell him that I'm not too thrilled with his diagnosis. We walk out of the room and he tells me, "You need to go ahead and schedule a time to get that filling."
"Yeah, I'll get right on that..."
Needless to say I didn't schedule any more appts. Mamma has her appt tomorrow AM. That should be interesting. She won't be scheduling any more appts either.
Oh yeah, one more thing, b/c Mamma's work is run by cheapskates and I am on a graduate student's insurance policy (the best thing about a graduate student's insurance policy is that my general practitioner is THE COLLEGE DOCTOR'S OFFICE...yeah, those guys are the best doctors out there...you could go in there with a broken leg and they would diagnose you with a spider bite), we don't have dental insurance. Therefore, if "The Butcher" performs work on us, he get's to charge us full price and he gets cash right then and there. If we had dental insurance, he would have to discount his price and would receive his money later....
Things that make you go hmmmmm.
Point being, there aren't too many people in the world willing to put their hands in your mouth that you should trust.
That's right boys and girls, friends and neighbors, this is Maxine's jukebox. Some of the songs have changed since I frequented the place, but most of them are still the same.
I really have no reason for posting that other than I really like that jukebox.
OK, now on to baby stuff. Junior poops, sleeps, cries, pees, and does all of the above most frequently at inconvenient times. Any questions? Ok, so on to my rant:
I went to the dentist today. A seemingly mundane activity to be sure. However, my dentist is a sheister (sic).
Mamma and I have never had any tooth problems (we only have one tooth each so it cuts down on the number of teeth wherein a problem may occur). NEVER. Never had cavities. Never...never...never....Ok, you get the picture. Mamma is downright anal about mouth maintenence (should you really put "anal" and "mouth" in the same sentence?). She brushes 4 times (count 'em...1...2...3...4) a day: 2 x in the morning and 2 x in the evening. Me on the other hand, I'm less anal. I brush once a day, floss semi-regularly, and still have no problems. Never have (did you get that...never had any problems).
Well, the second time Mamma went to our dentist up here she was told that she had about 30 places in her mouth that looked like they were going to develop into cavities. Mamma came home in a foul mood that night (thanks there Mr. Dentist) and informed me that our dentist sucked.
I sided with the dentist and told her that she might just need to brush better (ha ha!). However, the next time I went to see this guy, he told me that I had a molar that had worn down and it needed to be filled before it wore down to the nerve. Ok, I used to grind my teeth as a kid and my back molars are a little worn down so I thought that he could be right.
I go in the day of the "procedure" for my first dental work. I never understood why people hate the dentist...until THAT day. I sit down in the chair and "The Butcher" tells me that he has to take the drill and rough up the tooth a little so the filling stuff will stick. He has to drill little holes in the tooth too. However, he says that he doesn't think he's going to have to go that deep. Therefore, he's not going to numb my mouth.
I think this sounds pretty good b/c I hate needles. So he begins and promptly drills right into a nerve. I jump and remember looking up at him and deciding I would probably get sued if I got up and broke his jaw....but it would be really ironic.
He apologizes, gives me a shot, and continues. No harm no foul I suppose.
Mamma then talks to a co-worker of hers who tells her that she used to go to "The Butcher" but switched to another dentist b/c "The Butcher" said that she needed a lot of work done. When she went to the other dentist, she was informed that her teeth were fine.
Needless to say, this got us thinking.
Long story longer: I go back to "The Butcher" today and get my teeth cleaned by the hygenist. She tells me that my teeth look great. No problems! Everything is fine! "The Butcher" comes in and tells me I have a cavity and he recommends I have it filled. Now, this is my first cavity. I have no pain in my mouth. No problems.
I ask him, "What tooth?"
He stammers for a split second and says, "The top, far back left tooth."
"I don't have any pain." I say.
He replies, "I'm just tring to get it done before you start having pain. It's preventative."
Let me tell you something, mofo: YOU DON'T DRILL PREVENTATIVELY! That's like having your appendix removed preventatively b/c you MIGHT get appendicitis.
Let's suppose for the sake of argument that there actually is a cavity there. You're saying I should let you drill so that I prevent the pain of the cavity when it gets worse? Perhaps you forgot the Mikita you took to my mouth last year without numbing me first!
Now, what's more likely is that there is NOT a cavity there. In talking with Mamma afterwards we recalled that we have only once had someone else in the waiting room with us while awaiting our appt time. Further, every time I've been there I've heard someone getting drilled on in another room while the hygenist was cleaning my teeth (tooth). This guy runs a low volume, high profit job shop! What a great deal for him. He doesn't have the stress of seeing that many patients and he just power tools away on as many as he possibly can.
Really, why see 100 patients to make $50,000 when you can see 50 patients and make $50,000. Ethics be damned!
So anyway, I'm almost about to laugh in his face and he asks me what I'm thinking. I tell him that I'm not too thrilled with his diagnosis. We walk out of the room and he tells me, "You need to go ahead and schedule a time to get that filling."
"Yeah, I'll get right on that..."
Needless to say I didn't schedule any more appts. Mamma has her appt tomorrow AM. That should be interesting. She won't be scheduling any more appts either.
Oh yeah, one more thing, b/c Mamma's work is run by cheapskates and I am on a graduate student's insurance policy (the best thing about a graduate student's insurance policy is that my general practitioner is THE COLLEGE DOCTOR'S OFFICE...yeah, those guys are the best doctors out there...you could go in there with a broken leg and they would diagnose you with a spider bite), we don't have dental insurance. Therefore, if "The Butcher" performs work on us, he get's to charge us full price and he gets cash right then and there. If we had dental insurance, he would have to discount his price and would receive his money later....
Things that make you go hmmmmm.
Point being, there aren't too many people in the world willing to put their hands in your mouth that you should trust.
The Hogs
The Hogs have ZERO offense without Peyton Hillis. Period. End of story. No question about it. We haven't been able to move the ball worth a crap since he got hurt.
That and we have no passing game. I think our passing game has actually gotten WORSE as the year has progressed.
Oh well. It was a great season and should be even better next year assuming the whole team doesn't go pro. The best part is that I'll be there to watch the games next year. Wooooo hoooooo!
Pappa
That and we have no passing game. I think our passing game has actually gotten WORSE as the year has progressed.
Oh well. It was a great season and should be even better next year assuming the whole team doesn't go pro. The best part is that I'll be there to watch the games next year. Wooooo hoooooo!
Pappa
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