Baby Druel

Well, Mamma evidently started teething at a VERY early age - like 4 months old. I wouldn't have known that was early but you learn these things as you progress through this crash course in parenting called "The First Year".

All this means that (and you know what's coming....insert ominous sounding music here...Star Wars theme if you like) Junior has started teething - we think. No, he doesn't have fangs yet but we think they're coming in. He's drueling like a mad man, get's cranky, and sucks on his arm like he's starving, stuck on a deserted island with only fast birds and poisonous weeds for sustanance. There are no coconuts, pineapples, mangoes, or the like on this island. Only fast birds and poisonous weeds. He should have picked a better island.

With regard to the druel, he has this stuff running down his face like a Saint Bernard at a meat market. I'm surprised the dripping of druel doesn't keep him up at night like a leaky faucet.

Drip, drip, drip, drip...

Junior says, "Damn! What's that dripping noise?!? I can't get a lick of sleep in this rat-hole! MOM! DAD!! Fix the faucet! Oh, wait. I think I'm sleeping in Lake Hamilton. Did I pee myself?"

This got me thinking. Druel sounds remarkably similar to "duel". Do you think in the olden days that folks used to separate their babies by 10 paces and have a druel duel? I can see it now:

Baby with British accent: "Little Tommy, your time has come. You have soiled your last diaper."

Baby with French accent: "Ha Ha, Mon ami! Your lack of humor is only matched by your over confidence. Prepare to meet your doom!"

(insert toot noise here where a parent of one baby jumps in to change a diaper...the druel duel continues)

Baby with British accent: "Ahem, now that I have been 'readyied' by Mom I will proceed to wipe my mouth with my arm and fling druel in your general direction."

Baby with French accent: "While your druel producing capabilities are undoubtedly substantial, my own are far superior. Fling your druel. Fling it with all your might. You will find that the viscosity of my druel allows me to fling mine with much greater velocity and accuracy."

Baby with Brittish accent: "Your druel may be superior in terms of velocity and accuracy, but mine scatters. I may not coat completely on the first shot but I will in the span of two. Prepare for a soaking!"

At this point the babies would attempt to fling their druel with parents in the background yelling, "FLING THAT DRUEL!! FLING THAT DRUEL!!!"

Undoubtedly one set of parents would act like Beck Campbell (Mitch Mustain's mom) and yell at her baby, "DO YOU WANT TO LOSE THIS DRUEL DUEL?!?!?? GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND FLING THAT DRUEL FURTHER!!! DO YOU WANT TO LOSE? YOU LOSER!!!"

This would undoubtedly be the parent of the French baby. You see, the French baby didn't train for this druel duel b/c it was part of the French work-rule society where one can only put in no more than 12 hours of labor per week. Yet, the French baby's parents expect the same performance from their child as is exhibited by the British baby.

The French baby eventually winds up covered in druel. Losing in miserale defeat. The French parents whine and then demand a meeting with the Director of Druel Duel Duels. When their appeal of the Druel Duel falls on deaf ears, the French parents then proceed to boycott any further druel duels and refuse to give their vote to any Brittish proposals in the United Nations.

You see, the French are whiney, cheese-eating, contrarians. That's why they suck and lose druel duels!