My Thoughts on Moving Home

Mamma and I had a discussion about 3-4 years ago about moving home sometime.

At that moment the discussion took place, moving home was only a dream. We ventured up here with no knowledge of where we would go at the conclusion of our journey. We came up here on blind faith that we were doing the right thing. Who really knows if you're doing the "right" thing or not when you make a big decision such as the one we made to move 1,000 miles away from home to a strange climate, filled with strange people, all in the name of furthering my career/dream.

The closest friends we had in MI were people we'd never really met. The closest person we had to a friend, my mentor for the first few years in the program, was someone who had gotten his Ph.D. under my previous mentor at UA. I had only met him one time, and that was on my campus visit to MSU.

I don't mean to imply that we're special. Lots of folks move far away from home for various reasons and don't know anyone when they get there, but it was an eye opening moment for me when I realized that the move to MI was real.

I realized the move to MI was real when I changed the license plate on my old Jeep. Even more poignant than this moment was when my mom, dad, and Mamma left after dropping me off here.

The four of us, and Misty the cat, drove up to MI in August of 2002 to get me moved in to the house we were to live in for our first couple of years here. The four of us stayed for a couple of days and then it was time for the three of them to go. Mom and Dad had to go b/c they had to return to work. Mamma and I weren't married yet and her dad was in poor health at the time so we both thought it was ABSOLUTELY the best thing for her to stay in AR.

We checked out of the hotel and walked out to the parking lot. At this time, mom, dad, and Mamma got into the car after a few hugs and drove out of the parking lot to get back on the interstate and head South. I watched their car leave the hotel parking lot and that memory will always stick in my mind. I felt pretty derned alone. My family and fiance had just left, leaving me with a cat that, at the time, I would just as soon punt through a plate glass window. I'll never forget that car leaving the parking lot.

I then went back into the hotel room to get my stuff and the damned cat had knocked over a box of wine glasses in the whole 5 minutes I was gone. Thanks, cat. Great way to start a new chapter in life.

Fast forward a couple of years to the aforementioned conversation between Mamma and I about hoping to return home sometime. I told Mamma during this conversation that I wondered if home could ever be as good as I remembered it being. We all know that sometimes things and places are romanticized in memories far beyond what they actually were in real life.

Ever since I came here, I've held a rather romanticized view of AR. I've read the AR Dem Gaz every day until the last few months when I stopped b/c of my disdain for Wally Hall...but that's been covered previously. I've followed every move of the Razorbacks RELIGIOUSLY. I've missed the warm weather, people, and friends. I've missed family and being a part of family dinners and functions.

Now that we're moving home, I know that things may not be as good as I remember them being in my mind. But that doesn't make me less excited. It just makes me realistic.

This whole post leads me to remember a quote by Morgan Freeman who played the character Red in "Shawshank Redemption." Red is riding the bus to Zihuatanejo, Mexico to meet his friend Andy Dufrese who had escaped from Shawshank after being falsely accused. On the bus, Red finally finds "hope" after stating earlier in the movie that "hope" was the bain of a prisoner's existence.

Hear Red's quote here: http://reelwavs.com/movies/shawshank_redemption/hlfreeman.wav

(You've got to copy and paste the link...doesn't work otherwise for some reason)

While this all may be rather melodramatic, I'm realistic. I know things will never be as good as I have built them up to be in my head. That said, I also find I'm so excited about moving home that I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think its the excitement only a man moving home can feel. A man beginning a new chapter in his life, whose conclusion is uncertain, rejoining family and friends and now with a family of his own. I hope family gatherings are filled with as much love and laughter as I remember them. I hope to see my friends and shake their hands after a long time gone. I hope summers are filled with as much water, fun, and laughter as I remember them. I hope I still get excited with the start of every Razorback football season and tear up when they play the national anthem. I hope I still care enough to cuss the Hogs when they don't meet my expectations. I hope the drive to Fayetteville still brings back memories. I hope Fall in the Ozarks is as beautiful as it ever was. I hope my son loves Arkansas as much as I do.

I'm realistic, but I hope.